General Question

nikipedia's avatar

What are the rules for engaging in coitus while living with roommates?

Asked by nikipedia (27922points) December 13th, 2008

What exactly is the etiquette surrounding this situation? Surely you (and your roommate) are entitled to intercourse in your own home, but it seems disrespectful to do it within earshot of someone who isn’t being invited.

Personally, I think this goes with the territory and is part of the price you pay in exchange for cheap rent, but it is also sort of an uncomfortable situation for all parties…

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15 Answers

laureth's avatar

I would try to do it when they’re not home, or to be fairly quiet if they are. If you share an actual room, as opposed to two rooms in the same apartment, it’s usually the best idea to clear it with them. This means, “Hey, I’m having (partner) over later, do you think you could go see a movie or something?” Or just plan the date for when they’re at work or class, if you want to be really nice.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

Make sure your headboard is silent, play music, and wear clothing when leaving the bedroom.

scamp's avatar

I think you should discuss this with your roomates and see what they are comfortable with, but I agree that what you do should not be overheard.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

i think its rude for them to hang around while your trying to get some…. come up with some kind of system where you can tip the other one off that you need about a half hour or so of privacy with your “friend” and if they don’t want to play along then all the loud noises you make is their own problem.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

but i should add that was thinking about dorm situations… if its an apartment just play loud music or something, and let them know so they can go some where else in the apartment if they dont want to be bothered by it

bythebay's avatar

My roommates & I had the ribbon on the doorknob system. If the ribbon was on our bedroom doorknob; we weren’t alone. We did respect each others privacy by not allowing our guests to roam unclothed, roommates had first bathroom priority and when we were getting busy…we played music and were respectfully quiet. When I actually shared a bedroom with a roomate…we had a schedule for “time alone”. If something unexpected came up; we’d give the other roommate money for a movie or a couple of beers so they could go kill some time!

tinyfaery's avatar

Whatever. Everyone is an adult, I’m sure all of you are sexually active (meaning you are not virgins) and know what sex is. Just don’t do it in the
common areas, or when parents are visiting. A little common sense and decorum and you’re good to go. ;)

wundayatta's avatar

Unfortunately, I never needed such a system, except once, when my roommate (who was gay) assumed that if I had a date, I wouldn’t be coming home. Alas, for me and him, my return caused some embarrassment for all parties. I quickly departed, and sat in the living room. Soon another shadowy figure scurried past me, and out the door.

My roommate was apologetic about it. However, reading what people have written here, I can see that these days his assumption probably would have been correct (well, with almost anyone but me, I suppose). I shan’t tell you how long I remained a virgin, but it wasn’t for lack of trying.

Mizuki's avatar

I don’t agree that it is OK without prior agreement. To be a good roommate is to set rules, and fucking in a dorm room may or may not be ok depending on prior agreement.

EmpressPixie's avatar

I generally go for do what you feel is respectful. In a dorm room, talk about it and decide ahead of time. In an apartment, on the sexing side, try to be respectfully quiet, do it when the others aren’t home if you can, and wear clothes in and out of the bedroom. On the living wither sexers side, don’t make commentary and ignore if possible. Respect on all sides. And importantly: even if you aren’t getting any now, you might be next week and being a jerk will always, ALWAYS come back to haunt you.

critter1982's avatar

Or you could just be like my college roommate and wait until I fall asleep on the top bunk and then start b@nging your gf on the bottom, or keep the door open while your doing your gf on the couch. Well we still keep in touch so he did something right?

TitsMcGhee's avatar

My roommate and I made an agreement at the start of the year that we would just tell the other if we were bringing someone back and the other would make themselves scarce until the next text came that the coast was clear. We live in a suite, so she would usually go into our suitemate’s room and I have other places to go. This worked well enough until I returned at 4:30am one morning and she wasn’t alone and hadn’t let me know. It was too late to find anywhere to sleep (everyone was already asleep) and I spent my night in the TV room. She also never sent the follow up text. I was angry, but we made amends and promised to be diligent in our texting from then on. One good thing that came out of it is that she’s much more willing to let me use the room, probably because there’s a little leftover guilt. So far, there hasn’t really been a problem, though I have had a suitemate come home whilst I was occupied, which was a little strange because I’m sure she heard us, but oh well.

emilyrose's avatar

It really depends on the agreements of the housemates/ roommates. I know of some friends who have a “you can have sex as loud as you want” rule. It works for everyone who lives there and they know thats the deal upon moving in. I think it’s fair to ask that when others are home you try to keep it to a point where it’s not keeping everyone awake, but understanding that when you have roommates you are probably going to hear each other at one point or another.

casheroo's avatar

I’ve been with men who had roommates. We just went to the bedroom and turned music on.
I don’t see what the issue would be, unless you’re going to be obnoxious about it. Maybe it’s different for a bunch of females…but, I’ve never lived with other women (other than my mother) so I don’t know what they would think. My best friend has been closeby for a couple times, she didn’t care.

yal's avatar

hmmmmmmm not sure i live with house matas and have never thought about how thy felt

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