Can you trace back your growth as a person to a single point in your personal history?

I call those “Major Moments” and I’ve had quite a few of them.

I grew up in a relatively small town. When I opted at the last second, to head to the West Coast for college instead of staying back east, everything changed. I had traveled extensively but had never lived away from my family & friends for an extended time. It was truly eye opening and I was met with a daily cultural diversity I had never seen. I met so many great people, made lifelong friends and realized I was so much more independent and resourceful than I had ever imagined. It was liberating in all the best ways. When I did come back east I felt happy to be here, and my views had been expanded greatly.

And although not insignificant by any stretch; the birth of my children and the death of my father are the other events that have probably changed me the most.

I have had a lot of them, the most recent was the first day of the Spring 2008 college semester.

On Nov 25, 1990, I went back to college early from Thanksgiving break because it was my grandparents’ anniversary and they wanted to be alone, if you know what I mean. Since I was kicking around campus with nothing to do, I decided to check out the computer lab. That day, I found the college’s computer conference system, which led to the Internet (such as it was, then).

Without meeting the group of regular “lab rats” and getting absorbed into that culture, I wouldn’t have done… pretty much anything I did after the age of 18. And while I probably would have found the Internet someday (after all, which of us hasn’t?), I wouldn’t have been as early an adopter.

I am 59 years old and have had a number of these life-changing moments. The cliched ones are the day I was married, the birth of each child, the death of each parent and grand-parent. No brainers.

But the critical ones might be these:

The day I flunked out of graduate school and got an advisor to give me “one slim thread” to hang on to in order to re-establish myself and be permitted to re-matriculate. I never got less than an A after that (except on my thesis but those A’s were rare).

The date that I stopped smoking marijuana every night. See above, it was the same week.

Towards the end of graduate school I had only two job offers: Amerada Hess Oil or Izod Lacoste Shirts. The oil job meant buying a car and moving to New Jersey. The Izod job meant staying in Manhattan. I went to work for Izod, business quadrupled while I was there, 4 promotions in eight years, and I met my wife who was a co-worker.

The day, or night, when I told the woman I loved that I was putting our relationship on hiatus because it had come to the point that we either became exclusive (my wish) or we became friends and she would continue another relationship. (Basically it was a him or me conversation). I got lucky and we have been married 25 years, but that one was hanging by a thread too.

The day that I blacked out in a gas station and ended up in the ER and got a pacemaker the next morning.

The night I pledged one fraternity instead of another and I met friends with whom I still converse and visit 41 years later.

I was laid off in 1989 from a market research company in NY. I had one of the best interviews I ever had, with a law firm that looked like it was doing very well, working for a partner well-known in certain political circles and I accepted the job. I went home, chatted excitingly with my wife and got some premonition that it was the wrong move. I reneged on my acceptance. This law firm went out of business less than six months later.

Howzat?

SRM

@SRM and everyone who answered: Yes, these are exactly the kinds of answers I was looking for. Often the smallest decisions lead to the biggest differences in our lives.

Of course the births of my children affected me profoundly, but most of the ‘defining’ moments I can think of are not so pretty.

The day my mother allowed me (at age 7) to go to my child molesting uncle’s apartment, alone, I realized I was well and truly on my own. When I was 13, and took it upon myself to make him stop abusing me, I realized it was ok to be on my own…I was strong enough to survive it. As a result, I am an over-protective parent and never depended on anyone for years. When I fell in love with my second husband, and truly accepted that I could rely on him, I realized I was no longer on my own. With his support, I was finally able to end an awful relationship with my mother, and move on.

@Aug: What a sad and courageous story. Your strength was obviously born from great pain. Lurve to you.

Thank you.