General Question

baterpark91's avatar

I have recently became closer to one of my female friends, and I do think that I have feelings for her. We have been friends for about three years now, and I have not had the opertunity to show any interest in her because she is always dating someone. Would it be a bad thing for a guy to date one of his friends?

Asked by baterpark91 (97points) January 22nd, 2009

It is slightly more dificult, she is, how she says it, “kinda sorta seeing someone..” and he is multiply states away at boot camp and she is not sure if he is worth waiting for. Plus, he will not be back for about 6 months.

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20 Answers

PupnTaco's avatar

To date her or to date one of your friends while you’re waiting for her? Whatever works.

kevbo's avatar

Flirt with her. If she responds positively move forward. If not, keep flirting unless or until she starts backing off. Don’t proclaim your love for her without laying the groundwork with some flirting first. Girls generally don’t respond well without some preparation.

Do this whether you date someone else or not. It doesn’t really matter other than possibly driving her to want you more by being with someone else.

If she doesn’t respond positively, then resume normal friendship stuff as if it’s not a big deal.

Lilla's avatar

Sometimes what makes something between two people so great is that unrequited tension. If you were to get involved in a physical relationship and “lose the mystery”, you might lose a friend. Sometimes it’s best to keep things the way they are rather than having a conquest. But then again, if you care for her deeply enough and want to go for it… go for it.

cordovanessa's avatar

i think that you should start dropping hints to let her know that you would like to be more than friends, and if she is completely oblivious to it then you should tell her how you feel, after all if she is not sure if it will work out between her and that other guy who is away im sure that by making your feelings known it will help make up her mind. And then if she doesnt think that it will work out then say that there is no hard feelings and go back to bieng friends, just remember some successful relationships start off in the friend stage and work out fantastically… GO FOR IT! GOOD LUCK!!! :)

jessturtle23's avatar

My BF and I were best friends for almost a decade before we started dating. It took a long time for us to figure it out. When I was younger it would piss me off when guys I thought were just my friends wanted something more. If you think it won’t destroy the friendship to tell her then go for it.

scamp's avatar

I think it would be in your best interest to wait until she makes up her mind about the other guy. Feeling guilty about ‘cheating” on a guy in the service may give you some problems in the long run, especially if he gets deployed.

I think kevbo has the right idea by saying a little light flirting would show her you have some interest without overstepping the line. Just don’t try to rush things. You’ve been close for three years, so try to be patient while she makes up her mind.

Sakata's avatar

Just don’t be shocked if you tell her and she responds with something like, “I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship.” Had that happen to me once. It sucked at the time but it all worked out shortly thereafter… and she was right.

Good luck

baterpark91's avatar

you see, that is one thing I am afraid of. I hate the ruin friendship that just another way of saying “I’m not interested”?

Bri_L's avatar

If she isn’t dating anyone, and open and honest dialog is best.

You must be prepared for any of the results. She just wants to be friend. You try and it doesn’t work out. Or, heaven forbid, it works and you live happily ever after.

DrBill's avatar

You can’t win, if you’re not in the game.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

You could just kiss her and see if she kisses you back. If she says “what are you doing” and pulls away, cover by saying she has great lips, and you couldn’t help it.

Introverted_Leo's avatar

If you value her friendship for what it’s worth, then I’d leave it alone for now. Technically she’s still dedicated to this guy, by the sound of things, so it would be wisest to remain friends. Being there for her as a friend is probably the best thing you could do for her in this situation, and flirting with her at a time when you know she is emotionally vulerable is just a bit insensitive if you ask me. I know I would not appreciate my best friend hitting on me knowing I was still with someone else.

But if that doesn’t sit with you, think of the alternative. What if she does like you and you decide to start seeing each other? How would you feel if her boyrfriend came back and she decided to go back to him anyways and how do you think he’d feel regardless, knowing that you’ve been makin’ moves on his chick behind his back? Would your friendship last with this girl then? Of course, these are the harsher possible ramifications, but I’m just saying.

Ultimately it’s up to you, but if it were me I wouldn’t push it.

(But I think you deserve to know that this comes from a girl who refuses to date guys for as long as she can because she thinks they’re just plain trouble beyond friendship. :P)

90s_kid's avatar

I once asked a girl out just to find out she got a boyfriend yesterday. Tough life :(
But if a girl says no, accept it, don’t make a scene, and never ever try to make it awkward between you two.
The girl I asked out that night who just got aboyfriend, we go way back. Don’t even judochop :). I used to be best friends with her in elementary school. Then, we kind of went our own ways because it was middle school and she had other friends (that were girls). So, the Monday I came to school after the Friday dance where I asked her out, I remembered to try not to make it awkward. I was so embarrassed to even go to school! Yes, for the first week, it was as awkward as hell, but then it was cool. To this day, we have these moments where we look into eachothers’ eyes for at least 10 seconds, and then just look away and resume life. Maybe it is an omen, hopefully :)

Bri_L's avatar

@90s_kid Buddy that is the way to handle it. You are right on.

And it doesn’t matter that your 14 or if you were 40teen. It would still be difficult and awkward.

The only thing that wouldn’t change is how you should handle the situation, which is exactly how you are.


90s_kid's avatar


Jack79's avatar

the fact that the other guy is away is actually a good thing. The real problem is whether she wants to move your relationship in that direction. Possibly not.
I can smell a lot of heartache, but what can you do? Love is a game of trial and error.

cornets_01's avatar

yes, i guess it’s alright.

amandala's avatar

You don’t want to put pressure on her right now, or let her know right now if you’re unsure if she’ll reciprocate. That could potentially alienate her and put both of you in an incredibly uncomfortable situation. (I say this out of personal experience.)

However, in general I don’t think dating a friend is taboo in any way. In fact, it can totally work out…you know each other better, and relationships like that can sometimes evolve on their own.

Val123's avatar

If it doesn’t work out, there’s a good chance it’ll ruin the friendship so….

tonkatoy's avatar

nothing ventured is nothing gain you both have similar interest so try it and see. You always go back to “friends” as long as you know when the gf/bf thing just isn’t there

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