For those of you who are gay/lesbian, at what age did you realize that you were gay/lesbian? Coming out stories; care to share?

I wonder why people are avoiding this question? Maybe because there has been a lot heated discussions on this topic lately.

To keep it short and sweet, I had girlfriends before boyfriends, and when sexual feeling began to arise within me, they were directed at, and enflamed by, both sexes. Bisexuality has always been a part of me.

I’m avoiding it because I’m not gay. But I’m following, because I still belong in that community.

I didn’t know about being gay or straight until I got a my first job as a stock boy. My mom said “now one of your supervisors is gay, does that bother you?” I said “what do you mean gay?” She said “he likes guys instead of girls” I said “That’s fine with me I don’t care.”

She took the opportunity to talk about it then. She asked “What would you do if a guy asked you out on a date?” I said “the same thing I would do if a girl who I wasn’t interested in asked me. If I liked them as friends I would say “I don’t like you in that way or in this case I am straight but I would like to do things as friends.”

I have only been in two situations where I was made uncomfortable. Once my fiance and I went on an outing with my boss at the time who was gay. A couple people on the bus were doing their best to make us uncomfortable as we were the only strait people on the bus. Finally the rest of the bus told them off.

The other was an older lesbian woman who berated me for holding the door for her. “Breeders like you with your gallant gestures are who’s fucking up the world”. I just told her that I hold the door for every one male, female straight and even the intolerably rude lesbians with chips on their shoulders the size of their big poofy vests (which she was wearing.)

That’s my tale.

I had no idea about the heated discussions that went on here. I missed all of that.

I dated guys up until the age of 21. Almost married my last boyfriend (like a good little Catholic girl). I didn’t mind sex with guys but, the intimacy was never there (no emotional connection with any of them on my part). My crushes on girls went all the back to the first grade (crushes on teachers), in highschool; crushes on friends (felt in lust with a good friend), but continued to date boys because that was what was expected of me. University; dated a boy for 3 years, but, finally got to the point where I felt that I had to be honest with myself and my family. I admitted to myself that I was emotionally and physically attracted to women. Broke up with the boy (who had always felt like more of a good friend) and dropped the bomb on my family, who had the typical Catholic family reaction—and wanted to ship me off to Siberia. ;-)

Finally after some family counseling they came to ‘accept me and my lifestyle’. I went on to date women in my early 20’s, then got into a 10 year relationship with a woman (whom I have since broken up with) and have been dating women ever since.

I find that sex with women is much better, of course, because of the intimacy and emotional connection. Didn’t have my first orgasm until I was with a woman.

That’s all she wrote..

@jmah
The similarity of coming out stories always amazes me. Substitute a few words, and add a happy ending (for the relationship), and that’s pretty much my story. However, every once in a while I miss dick. Not men, but penis-vagina sex.

That whole “emotional connection is there with [same gender] and not with [other gender]” thing is what I think some people misunderstand about homosexuality. They think it’s all about the sexual aspect, and while that’s part of it, it’s not nearly the whole thing. All they can think about is the organs, ya know?

@ jmah and tinyfaery – so Siberia is a great place to meet girls if your a lesbian?

True @laureth. The Puritans focus on sex, of course. Really, it’s about whom one can be intimate with, who you can trust and feel safe with. Sex is just a manifestation of all of that, just like in hetero relationships. My life with my wife is just like any Bob & Judy: we kiss eachother before we leave for work, we cuddle on the couch when we watch TV, we go out on dates, and clean our house, and have sex when we aren’t too tired. I’m not sure what people are scared of. I’m not plotting the destruction of the world. I’m
just living my life.

@tinyfaery Lurve!

College was the first time I met anyone gay. It was a fairly progressive college, but even in those years, only a few short years after Stonewall, it was very open and there were a lot of uncloseted lesbians and gays on campus.

I made friends with a number of people, but gradually I became closest with a couple of guys. At the time, they were doing the hetero normal thing, and trying to have relationships with girls. One girl that I really liked, loved my best friend, but was frustrated with him, because he always seemed a little wishy-washy about her.

Well, it turned out that he was gay. First he was bisexual, but as the years went by, he became more and more clear that that was a joke, and really, he was gay. The same thing happened with my second-best friend. So I’m sitting there, wondering why am I heterosexual, if my favorite people in the world, who I love, are gay.

At this school, it was very important to be politically correct. We all believed it, anyway. At this time, we had to make homosexuality more accepted. So, a lot of women who weren’t gay, decided to be gay. Political lesbians, they were. It was the cool thing to do, and they needed to be in solidarity with other women who were lesbians.

I had a girlfriend for my last two years. I, too, was of the belief that any sexuality should be accepted by society. I loved my best friend who was gay. In theory, I believed, that if I loved someone, I should express it physically.

One night, my friend was visiting me and my girlfriend, and we were drinking, and she started making out with me, and then with my friend, and we started getting busy, and then she backed out of the way.

So there I was, doing the politically correct thing. Ah youth. I learned that it wasn’t for me. I was just not interested in him as a lover. I loved him, but I didn’t want to make love with him.

After that, when I said I wasn’t gay, I knew it in a way that few straight men know. I knew I could love men, but sex had nothing to do with that. I could be affectionate with men, and I was secure in my manhood. I learned a lot about myself from doing that, and if I had to live it over, I would do it again. Sometimes I wish other guys could be “political gays” or even just try it, and that that would be cool in society, and no one would diss the guys who tried it as perverts.

@daloon thanks for sharing that.

I was about eight or nine years old when I discovered that there are people who only liked boys or only liked girls. I was completely baffled by it. How limiting and discriminatory, I thought!

in second grade i really really really wanted to be friends with this one girl named cecilia (c-c for short). but now looking back i realize that actually i had a little second grade crush on her, haha, go figure. and when my friends and i would play “wedding” i wanted to marry a girl. haha so i guess the inclination was always there i just didn’t know what to call it.

luckily, when i was in high school i had a great group of friends who were relaxed about human sexuality, so i never felt any pressure and i just did what i wanted (or who i wanted) whenever i wanted and didn’t have to “explain” myself.

coming out to my parents is pretty funny cuz my mom like trapped me (i.e. she picked me up from work one day when i didn’t have my car) and even though i only live like 15 minutes away from my work it was the longest, most awkward 15 minutes of my life! haha. she was like “are you and M [my girlfriend at the time] lovers?” hahahaha trust me you never want to hear that word come out of your mother’s mouth!!! but the happy ending is it all worked out fine :)

in case you haven’t, you MUST see the movie “But I’m a Cheerleader”!!!!!!

I think I always knew I was different from other kids, but I didn’t know the word for it until I was around 10 or 11. I had my first relationship with a girl at 15, and was outed to my parents at 16. While that was an utter nightmare at the time, everything has since smoothed out, and my parents are very accepting of my partner (I’m now 29).

When I was a teenager the leader of my queer youth group said that if it takes us years to come to terms with our sexuality, why would we expect our parents to be okay with it overnight? That hit home with me, and it definitely helped me to develop understanding with my family.