General Question

punkrockworld's avatar

What do you do about a friend that talks sh*t behind your back?

Asked by punkrockworld (960points) March 7th, 2009

Just ignore it and suck it up or confront the person?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

22 Answers

BoyWonder's avatar

I guess it depends on what kinda shit they were talking and to whom they were talking it to.

augustlan's avatar

If it bothers you, you should definitely discuss it with this ‘friend’.

discover's avatar

don’t bother too much

find out to how much extent this backbiting is true. This is because gossips are always exaggerated

Once you find out, just let him know that you are hurt or angry…..
If necessary ignore him, if he returns then its well and good
if he does not realize his mistake, i think he was never your friend in the first place

EFWZLVL9's avatar

If I suffer this, I will think about it and try to figure out if it was my own shortcoming or not. If it is I have an opportunity to address it and I will do better the next time.

If my friend was wrong then I will just ignore the friend. Time will let people know who’s right, so it’s best just not to touch it.

MacBean's avatar

If someone’s saying something like “MacBean is a fat ugly jerk” then I’d ignore it. Whatever. People are allowed to have opinions and once I found out that’s what they thought, I’d just avoid/ignore them to save them the trouble of having to deal with me since they obviously don’t like me. But if they’re spreading rumors that aren’t true and/or could potentially be damaging, I’d have something to say about it.

bythebay's avatar

Take it in the context that it was said.
Put it in perspective.
Consider the source.
Pick your battles.

basp's avatar

Move on. Surely you have better things to do than to wallow in jerry springer type drama.

Triiiple's avatar

Confront and then leave them alone.

Dont make this a he said-she said, but usually it doesnt matter because the people that talk trash wont admit it to you.

natg3o's avatar

Definitely confront the person. If they are your “friend” they will understand why you want to talk to them about this. Don’t come at the aggressively, just sit down at lunch or something and talk about it. I also agree that it depends on what is being said….

scamp's avatar

If you know what is being said is untrue, just hold your head up and ignore it. This “friend” might just be jealous of you. Also consider that whoever told you she/he was talking about you may be lying to put a wedge between the two of you. Don’t fall for that. Your true friends know what’s true, and so do you, so that’s all that matters.

If you feel you really need to confront this person, just ask if it’s true and be polite about it. You will be able to tell by their body language if they feel guilty or not. Use whatever information you gleen from the conversatoin to decide whether or not you want to continue a relationship with this person. If it is in fact true, you don’t need to “tell her off”, just fade away from her circle quietly with your pride intact.

cheebdragon's avatar

Violence has been known to solve some problems.

marinelife's avatar

I would only add that “friends” do not talk behind one’s back. I would rethink that label for this person.

theladebug's avatar

I had a “friend” who did this. Not only to me but to everyone. She would gossip about our other friends when they werent around to me, so I knew she did the same about me when I was not there. When I discovered some of the needlessly cruel things she said about me, we were just done being friends. In my world friends support and encourage each other, not tear each other down.

cheebdragon's avatar

Real friends are the ones who talk shit to your face.

Darwin's avatar

If what your friend is saying is affecting your other relationships or even your job, then you need to confront them politely and point out that they are doing real damage to you and so as a friend they must cease and desist. If they don’t stop then remove then from your group of friends.

If it is doing s doing no real harm other than hurting your feelings, then I would say suck it up unless a perfect opportunity comes up for you to politely ask them to stop because your feelings are being hurt. Depending on the response you might keep them as a friend or simply gradually withdraw.

And if what they are saying is really bad, totally untrue, and ends up on the front page, sue them!

theladebug's avatar

“Real friends are the ones who talk shit to your face.”

EXACTLY – I have no problem with friends coming to me and confronting me with things they find fault with in my life, but those who go and talk about it with others I have no time for.

cwilbur's avatar

Don’t bother with a confrontation unless you really enjoy drama. Just drop the “friend” and move on.

Mr_M's avatar

Remember that confronting your friend who said it will mean the person who told you will get in trouble with your friend. Then you’ll probably loose the friendship of the person who told you. Ask yourself if this is what you want.

Moral of the story: When someone tells you about something someone else said, ask that someone else if he or she would mind if you approached the person who said it.

nebule's avatar

get….rid and get…a new friend

Jack79's avatar

normally I avoid that person and they usually get the hint

recently I had my best friend do that (actually it was not really behind my back, it was pretty much in public). I sent him a message saying “I’ll never forgive you for what you did, but if you start telling the truth perhaps you’ll have a better conscience”. What I hated most was that, after he’d said all these lies about me thinking I’d never find out, he pretended he was on my side and wanted to help me. I would have at least had respect for him if he’d really believed in what he was doing and stuck to his story.

BoyWonder's avatar

Just look at them, don’t address the issue, smile and feel loved. Keep the haters guessing and wondering…that’s what I always say.

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