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babytalia's avatar

How do I deal with overprotective older brothers?

Asked by babytalia (8points) November 6th, 2007

I’m the youngest of 5 kids. my older bros are 18,17,15 and are really overprotective of me (aged 14) but not of my sis (16) please give me advice and let me know about ur realationships with ur siblings

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6 Answers

u101547's avatar

tough one…very complex relationship. This dynamic could be related to dominance and passivity in the personalities of you and your brothers. Maybe, when they protect you, you send them subtle messages that you like it. Maybe they believe you are vulnerable to harm and their love for you won’t let you fall victim. Maybe your sister is tough and knows how to take care of herself, and has proven to them she can “hold her own.” Maybe none of this is true, but just because you have always been the youngest they continue to perceive you as “the baby,” even though it may not justified. Motivations for our attitudes and behaviors in relationships are SO complex, and invisible, you (and they) may never, ever really know why they treat you this way.

Poser's avatar

You may not see many of the interactions they have with your older sister that she might consider to be overprotective. Also, the two of you might simply have differing viewpoints as to what constitutes over protectiveness. In other words, the same actions by your brothers may be, in your opinion overprotective, while in hers, simply “being good big brothers.”

Your idea of overprotective is certainly much different than that of your brothers’. You may assume they merely want to inhibit your fun, but in reality, they are looking at the world from an extremely advantageous (for you) viewpoint—that of a teenage boy. They know exactly what goes through the mind of a 14 year old boy, and would do anything to protect you from them. Instead of resenting their protectiveness, try to look at it as their way of loving you. Try to capitalize on their knowledge. Ask their advice. Learn from them. This will serve two purposes. If they see that you are seeking (and taking) their advice, they’ll be more likely to ease up on you. And, of course, you’ll start to see the world from a new perspective, one which, if you understand it, will give you many advantages in your future relationships.

miltonandmichele's avatar

I’ll say this about that, I am 2nd oldest and have one older sister and two younger brothers. We were all very protective of our sister. It was a pain for her then, but as we are all adults now, my sister confesses that she appreciated it and was glad we did it. I’d discuss it with them and find out what their thoughts and motivations are and then share your feelings about it, but not in a complaining and condemning manner. Perhaps bring your parents into it…Hope this helps.

babygalll's avatar

I am the baby in my family and growing up my brother was always over protective of my sister and I. Mostly me, because I was considered the “baby” of the family. It’s their nature. Even when they get married and move out they will still be protective, but not as much. They will have their wife and kids to worry about. Keep this in mind….It’s better to have someone look out for you than not to have anyone care.

caito's avatar

I’d say you should enjoy it. Know that someone’s got your back no matter what. That’s a nice feeling when things get a little out of your control. Whatever it is (school, friends, boys(!!)), your brothers might give you a hard time about it, but I’ll bet that when the chips are down, there’s nowhere they’d rather be than by your side when you need them. Let them be big brothers. It’s their job.

GraceC's avatar

donr worry i no how you feel,my brothers are constantly annoying me and being mean, but the minute i get hurt or have a bf they come running to protect me is really embarrasing, and annoying. i am also 14. my brothers are 17 and 19 they think they are in charge of me and love to be controlling, its hard being the youngest, i hate it

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