Who wants to critique my horribly chliche poem?

Alright, for some reason that link won’t work when I embed it in the text box… I’ll just put the poem here;

I’m not a poet

I’m not a poet.

A poet is, apparently
that person standing
on that dark stage
with that spit-stained microphone.
Their body is a billboard
snakes
and birds
and Chinese demons
all screaming
passion
Their anger is a sludge
a mud that falls incessantly
upon eyes and ears.
It’s alien on the skin
a smell all it’s own, strong
but it’s not unpleasant if you don’t mind it.

Or the poet could be that
straight laced
spectacle-wearing
recluse
hiding behind mountains of paper and books
a desk, a study.
They’re not charismatic
scared shy by casual conversation
but through that single window
maybe the mountains, maybe a lake,
fly all the miracles of love and joy
They are more than happy
to marry them to paper
and present them to the world

Perhaps yours is the hipster poet
dual wielding a notepad and espresso
glasses they don’t need, trendy
slim slacks and wool cap
spinning their jive while
bongos
beat ‘cool’ out rhythmically

But it doesn’t really matter
what your poet looks like
the poet is the mind
no matter the casing, crack it open and the poet is
blindingly bright and shockingly dark
symphonic until terrifying
the sublime of summer’s eve
a complete sensory overload
that will strip you of everything you know to be true
and leave you
naked and exposed.

Poets have the ability to take
the ordinary, the mundane
even the nonsensical
and find truth
ultimate and absolute
it is a beauty that throws Aphrodite from the tallest cliffs
depression that paints King the sad clown

and here
sits my sorry excuse for language
never a blacker sheep was there
but wait,
look closer
it’s prose in sheep’s clothing.
That my words could dance from the pen
with the elegance of those before
who titan the stage
quake the cosmos with their very ideas.

But until then
I grind my organ
watching the sentences hop
half-heartedly around
and maybe smile bleakly
at the twinkle of money
in my cup.
Like I said,

I’m not a poet.

Sounds good to me.. but I’m not a poet either. =D

ahhhh… just got me a fix. Thank you.

I like it. I like the idea about a poem about poets. I like how you describe them.

Far be it from me to disagree with you, Foolaholic. It is horribly clicheed! not

I like it. It’s an essay on poets in poetic form.

i like it…an introspective piece. a self-realization. finding your way. keep seeking!

It’s predictable and it becomes list like at one point too, like we’re waiting for the next definition of poet. I would slash and burn with the length too. This poem could be said in one paragraph and to better effect.
“I’m sorry but you won’t be moving on to the finals.”
Simon Fuller

the lyric, the imagery…a list by design…a counterpoint statement to what many today call a poet…keep seeking Foolaholic!

@Foolaholic

You are a good writer, and there are some good things going on here, but I would as a rule, rid yourself of the need to throw your work out on the internet for all to see and critique, for a number of reasons. Have you taken any creative writing workshops? Are you in college? Your poem isn’t horribly cliched, it’s just about horrible cliches. I enjoy that, I really do. What poets are you reading? A great way to write better poetry is just to read great poetry.

@Foolaholic
Some excellent current poetry can be found in the New Yorker along with some very clever comics

@SeventhSense re: comic and present company excepted, true unless you obviously act like one.

I just love those comics. Here’s another

@SeventhSense another good one…thanks!

I really enjoyed the poem. IF I was going to improve upon it I would start a new “paragraph” whenever you use a new capital at the beginning of a line. OR you could indent some sentences.

Some poetry
..is written with indents
....so that you will have
More power
..with your language.

(not supposed to be poetry, lol, just an example of what I mean by indents, and excuse the dots, i couldn’t insert the spaces without them).

It appears to me that you have some good talent.

Thanks for all the great feedback everyone. Really, I’m much more comfortable writing prose, but my writing teacher wouldn’t get off my back about how I had no poetry in my portfolio. So I wrote this. Just wanted to see what people thought of it on the whole. :)

On the whole, pretty good. The concept is wonderful, now just SHOW rather than tell…you’ve actually got that in your poem. You just need to cut the listing type verbage.
For example:
I’m not a poet.
apparently
standing
on that dark stage
with that spit-stained microphone.

snakes
and birds
and Chinese demons
all screaming
passion

anger
alien sludge on the skin
a smell all it’s own

straight laced
spectacled recluse

no charisma
scared shy by casual conversation
but through that single window
maybe the mountains, maybe a lake,
fly all the miracles of love and joy
married to paper
and presented to the world