General Question

FGS's avatar

Is there something about your family that goes against rational thought but you are tied to it nontheless?

Asked by FGS (1932points) April 7th, 2009

I come from a very Italian family. We ask permission for anything that would affect the family as a whole, no matter how small. I feel ashamed sometimes because I am bound by these constraints but at the same time feel like I have no choice but to ask permission from my “elders”.

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14 Answers

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

That’s pretty much every family I know.

SeventhSense's avatar

You come on here and talk about the family like this? Is this how we raised you? Fugeddaboutit. You’re a disgrace.

FGS's avatar

@SeventhSense You think I kid?...that’s the way it is in my family

tinyfaery's avatar

I don’t ask permission for anything. My parents have been clueless about my life since I was 14.

It’s nice that you are close with your family, but I wouldn’t trade my lack of family, for having to ask permission for everything. I’m 35 years old for pete’s sake.
I’m not sure who pete is.

SeventhSense's avatar

So as long as it’s not Cosa Nostra what’s stopping you from making your own decisions? Fear of abandonment? I came to the conclusion in my 30’s that I would never get the love and respect I needed from my family. My life has been coming to grips with this and detaching from their expectations with love and accepting whatever lies and bullshit they say about me. I was told it’s none of my business what other people think about me. When I’m able to apply this to my life, including my family. Things work fairly well.

FGS's avatar

Because I’m tied to my family, for good or bad, I am. No matter, I am terrified as being seen as a “black sheep”. I wish I could change that.

SeventhSense's avatar

So you have your answer. Why ask.

SeventhSense's avatar

It’s called——-> Codependence.

FGS's avatar

@SeventhSense That’s the real rub isn’t it? To be obliged to a group of people and their rules and yet live your own life.

SeventhSense's avatar

^^That link is a good place to start. It’s a major issue and should be considered with deadly seriousness. If you want to truly be your own person, look into it. The price is too great otherwise. Good Luck

RedPowerLady's avatar

@FGS I come from a community where respect for elders and the community as a whole is also very important. We don’t ask permission though we are more expected to know what is right. Elders have known to get annoyed if you ask questions you are supposed to know the answers to (not that they won’t answer but it’s just better to know, lol).

Judi's avatar

I married into a family who is very private about money.

VzzBzz's avatar

Yes. One example: the older people expect the younger ones to make all concessions for visiting/traveling. They get angry if we don’t come around as often as they think is, “right” and even though we all might explain we have jobs that give very little vacation time and the elders are retired and can come and go as they please… no dice. It’s our job to go see them.

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