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Christian95's avatar

What would you choose?(see details)

Asked by Christian95 (3260points) December 22nd, 2009

Friends or family?I’m not not asking what will you choose in a specific situation I’m asking in general.In my opinion friends are much better than family because they/you choose them/you and they are spending time with you because they want while family didn’t choose you and they are staying with you(if they do)because some stupid traditions tell them to do so.

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62 Answers

delta214's avatar

Both? Such a hard question.

MrItty's avatar

Friends. Not remotely a difficult question.

RomanRealtors's avatar

friends and family i cant raelly choose on this one

mellow_girl's avatar

friends, that was easy enough…

Mavericksjustdoinganotherflyby's avatar

Well, I would certainly pick friends over some in my family.

CMaz's avatar


Friends come and go. Family will always (usually) be there for you.

faye's avatar

I’d be okay if I had to choose my family over friends. They are lovely, fun people.

scotsbloke's avatar

For me it would entirely depend on the situation…..........and as I don’t have many friends it’s probably have to be Family. (unless it’s for moving furniture cos my family hate that lol)

JustPlainBarb's avatar

In my experience, sometimes my friends are much more like family than my own family! Family is very important for sure .. they come first. But I have had almost more happiness with my friends than with my own family sometimes.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I don’t have either now, but I agree that you are stuck with family whether you like them or not. So I suppose a true friend would be better, being a voluntary choice,

Dr_C's avatar


I love my family and they are a big part of my life, as are my friends. I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t feel the need to choose one over the other, but have found a way to balance the two. There is no need for absolutes one way or the other on this topic and if you choose to you can make a valid case for either or both.

erichw1504's avatar

Can’t choose, I think everyone needs to have both to live a healthy, full life.

gradyjones's avatar

Family, but I think it is different for someone who is married and has a child(ren) as opposed to someone single. When I was younger and family was defined by siblings and cousins, I would have chosen friends.

MagsRags's avatar

Which friends and which family?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Family – the one I built, not the one I was born into.

MrItty's avatar

GA, @gradyjones. Your spouse and (to some extent) your children are your choices, just as are your friends. Your parents, siblings, cousins, etc, are not.

CMaz's avatar

Wow. I come from a different generation.

It use to always be about family. There will always be exceptions.

But family is family.

Jude's avatar

Family. They’re with you to the end.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I think we are genetically programmed to choose our own family. There is no question my wife and kids come first.
As for my worthless brother -you can have him.

Stargater's avatar

My family but i would make a separate special day for my friends.

CMaz's avatar

@worriedguy – I think you would be there for your worthless brother.
DO not think his friends would be.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@ChazMaz You’re right of course. Ok, I’ll admit it.. I have helped him more times than I should have. But I would much rather be in the company of friends than with a bottomless, resource and time sucker. He’s the reason I have caller ID. Ah family!

Ghost_in_the_system's avatar

Family. the bonds are much stronger.

brighten_the_corners's avatar

The bonds of friendship are very superficial and materialistic most times. How many friends have you lost in your life? And how often do you think about that? Family is alot harder to enjoy, and alot more important because of it.

MrItty's avatar

@brighten_the_corners that may be true for you, but it’s certainly not a constant. The bonds of my friendship are much stronger than the bonds of my family, who I have anything to do with 90% of the time because of a sense of obligation, not desire.

DominicX's avatar

I can’t choose either and I certainly won’t choose one out of generational obligations. I happen to be very close with my family, but I also happen to very close with my friends. And don’t you start a new family (or add on to your family) through friends? You don’t fall in love with a family member…(in most cases).

I love my boyfriend. He is not related to me. But it doesn’t matter. I am that close to him.

CMaz's avatar

“You don’t fall in love with a family member”

When they become a wife or husband. They are now family.

Pick your partner (wife husband) or a friend?

MrItty's avatar

I think we need three categories here… For me, the ranking is:

1) Family you choose (spouse & kids)
2) Friends
3) Family you’re born into (parents & siblings)

Jeruba's avatar

When the chips are down, really down, who’s going to come and get you? Who’s going to donate blood or an organ? Who’s going to pay the hospital or the lawyer? Who’s going to take you home and feed you?

If the answer to that is “friends,” you’ve got some great friends. Probably better than blood relations, who might only donate a kidney or take on a $50,000 debt because of some stupid tradition.

DominicX's avatar


Yes, they become family, but they don’t start out that way.

Soubresaut's avatar

Definately friends for me, they’re my real family…
But I’ve never had a close-knit family a lot of people seem to. We’re kind of distant, relatives all live in different parts of the world, so it’s just me, my sister, my mom, and my dad. I love my sister and mom to death, but I could do without my dad. (Sorry if that sounds harsh to you!)
When I say my friends, you have to know I dance at a very tight dance studio. I’m so attached to the instructors and the people there; I’ve grown up with most of them in my life for as long as I can remember. My elementary/middle school was the same way, small and close, so my classmates felt more like brothers and sisters.
I guess I agree with @Simone_De_Beauvoir then. I choose the family I created for myself rather than the one I was born into… It’s more me.
You know, I’ve never really understood all those people who were so hung up on “blood” and “family lines”. If that’s you, maybe you could explain it to me… To me, those are only so deep. You still have to choose to love your family. And I do love most of them… But why are we bound and trapped in our “families”? Why do we always have to be there for “family”?
But this was an easy question for me. Friends.

Utta_J's avatar

I love friends but i would choose family because i get along with my family other than most people say they do….

CMaz's avatar

“I’ve never really understood all those people who were so hung up on “blood” and “family lines”. If that’s you, maybe you could explain it to me… ”
Because family begins at home.

Eventually @Simone_De_Beauvoir ‘s children will grow up and cherish their family. That attitude going on from one generation to another.
You might not have as long a lineage as some but it starts somewhere. Choosing the family you created is a good start.

Maddysmom's avatar

Definitely family… They are my support system. I have been on maternity leave for 8 months and people I thought were my friends have disappeared but my family has been there every step of the way.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

For my wife and I, our focus is on our parents, our siblings, our children and grandchildren and special friends of family members who have become close like family members.
We are new to this region and have few friends.

CaptainHarley's avatar

I love my wife, my five grown children, and my grandchildren with all that is within me. I would choose them every time over friends. After all, blood is thicker than water. : )

Jewel's avatar

My family are my best friends. Easy question for me!

Naked_Homer's avatar

Family. My kids. Without question because the are the unbeatable combination of both!

Cruiser's avatar

My family! My kids are a riot to hang with and they tolerate me! Given the chance I do have one friend though who I would make part of my family.

Skippy's avatar

Friends, only because I see them more often than family. The family is only around on birthdays and holidays. They want you around for gifts, and friends, well, they’re always around thru the daily hum-drums

nitemer's avatar

What stupid traditions would they be?

minolta's avatar

Family all the way. They will stick with you forever.

Even if they don’t know the things your friends know, even if they don’t agree with everything your friends and you agree with, even though you might hate them for what they have made you become, they are still your family and they will love you no matter what.

You might see your friends gone one day, your family will always be there, for longer, even when they’re gone too.

Shegrin's avatar

I wish I could say family. I’ve come to the realization that family is what you make it. I have a close-knit community of friends that I would much rather spend time with than with my own family. Save for my mother, the rest can (I wish I could type what I’m thinking)!! I’m sure everyone’s experience is different. I have lots of friends from functional and loving families who screw up royally and I am a testament to the idea that you can rise from the ashes of your “family” and be absolutely nowhere near as self-destructive and blind as they are. There is dichotomy in every shade of life and the best thing to do is pick your favorite color and go.
Seriously, though, I prefer to stay far away from my family. It’s like a John Waters version of Lolita as advertised on Jerry Springer. It’s Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-d, and we don’t own a farm. Obviously, I use humor to deflect the truly awful nature of my family. I’m starting a book soon.

Seek's avatar

Family – my husband and my son come before everything.

Then friends.

Then my husband’s family.

My family can suck an egg.

YARNLADY's avatar

I have got to be the luckiest person on earth. I was born into and married into the best families in the world. Nearly every one of them are worth 10 friends, and the two minor exceptions just require some POI once in awhile. (Power of Ignore).

CMaz's avatar

I do not know if I missed it and it was said, but…

Some people do not have a blood line to reach out to.
No man is an island or should be.

Family is who you connect with and cherish.
If you cant be with the one you love, Love the one you’re with.

DrMC's avatar

My wife and children always. Love and duty.

Steve_A's avatar

My little brother and little sister, I could care less for friends.

stardust's avatar

Friends, hands down!

curlyz's avatar

Family, without a doubt..

Aesthetic_Mess's avatar

Family, simply because I do not have any close friends

mandybookworm's avatar

Family, they have always been there for me. They can also put up with my crazy personality (mostly because it was inherited from them) where my friends can’t always.

MilkyWay's avatar

right now, i will choose friends but im not sure… maybe in tough times i’ll get to see if my family really does care for me.
currently i can’t go a day without seeing my frinds though.

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

The answer depends largely on who you are the closest to. I know that if I were in jail, the only people that would put money on my books, visit me, and get me a lawyer would be my family. However, I do know some people whose family would leave them hanging, and it would be their friends who would come to their aid.

laineybug's avatar

Well I love my family, and my I consider my close friends as part of my family, so family. Including those close friends.

markylit's avatar

That’s a tough choice to make. I think family comes first. But friends are also equally important. I would rather keep both but if it has to be only one, then family will be a priority.

likipie's avatar

Family. I can’t explain why, I just have to say family.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Sometimes friends choose you because of unterior motives.
Family accepts you flaws and all and still hangs around to support you. (hopefully).
We need both to get a perspective on the world that affects our living in it.

Sinqer's avatar

Friends, and I did choose.
I would have liked to include my family amongst my friends, but they have insufficient interest, I am guessing because they take for granted that I should treat them of equal or higher value than friends.

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