General Question

Jude's avatar

How do you know when you're settling (relationships)?

Asked by Jude (32131points) April 16th, 2009

In your opinion, what are some tell tale signs that you’re settling?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

29 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

that sick feeling in my tummy that i’m settling

YARNLADY's avatar

When you feel like you could have done better, or you have to ‘give in’ more than the other person.

jessicar's avatar

When you no longer go out of your way to be happy or make them happy. When you get to the point when you no longer what to be with them or what them to touch you. You get the feeling in your stomach when they touch you thats like get the hell off of me.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I’m looking to see what other people write because I personally don’t know, I’ve not done it yet. In fact, if anything I’ve ruined some relationships by not giving them a chance when I should have. Procrastination and hedging on the side of caution equals lack of interest or ability to commit in the eyes of some people.

Facade's avatar

When you are in a relationship with a person who is below your personal standards.

Likeradar's avatar

I know I’m settling when I have pretty much no desire to quit flirting and looking out of the corner of my eye for the next one. I love my current feeling of thinking no one holds a candle to my guy. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like I’m not settling. :)

jrpowell's avatar

When you have to ask if you are settling.

But to be honest. I don’t think settling is a bad thing. Perfection can take a long time to find. And the odds are pretty good that you will never find perfect.

Facade's avatar

@johnpowell There’s a huge gap between settling for someone and wanting perfection

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

answer # 2 : when you meet someone with whom even communicating makes you feel/realize you’ve been settling

aviona's avatar

When there’s someone else unattainable whom you love more.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

People who settle usually end up denying it but their behavior gives them away. It usually ends up in one partner treating the other as a mere conveniece lay.

ru2bz46's avatar

I did a lot of procrastination and hedging when I started in the “serious” relationship world. I still blew it the first time, and it only lasted a few months. The second time, there were no doubts and I married her, and it helped me to learn that I had settled before.

figbash's avatar

My first red flag is when I’m clearly making compromises that are not rational, or going completely out of my way to constantly psychoanalyze why the person would behave in ways I normally wouldn’t stand for. The second big red flag is when I’m hesitant to introduce them to my closest friends or my sister. That’s a group that has high standards for me and is fiercely protective – they’ll spot that I’m settling immediately, and call me out on it.

augustlan's avatar

When your friends keep asking you “What do you see in that guy?”

qashqai's avatar

When butterflies in your stomach stop flying.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

Think about her, just randomly, and about no particular instance together, just her…

…are you smiling? no? there’s your answer.

ubersiren's avatar

When you fart in front of each other on a regular basis.

Facade's avatar

@ubersiren That’s fun, not settling :P

ubersiren's avatar

@Facade : Ok, maybe it’s when you fart, and he/she simply looks at you like “You couldn’t have held it another 10 seconds ‘til we exited the car?” and you know what he/she is saying.

I know this question can be answered including farts somehow.

Facade's avatar

@ubersiren lol. so you’re saying it’s when a person doesn’t appreciate your farts?

ubersiren's avatar

I more meant that you can read what he’s thinking just from the look on his face. Also that he is comfortable enough to tell you he disproves of your farts. Hahaha… this is ridiculous.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@ubersiren
my partner and I do that
and we don’t think we’re settling, lol

IBERnineD's avatar

When you resent the person for being with you.

punkrockworld's avatar

There’s one thing that is true..
The moment you settle for something, you get even less than what you settled for.

Sariperana's avatar

Settling is like giving up the fight of finding love – or picking the Volvo over the Ferrari…

You get the Volvo cause they are going cheap, stocks are probably limited and you know that it is reliable, safe, sufficient and responsible…

CMaz's avatar

Is settling bad? As settling down to a happy relationship.
Or is your question meant as just accepting what you have, knowing you could do better?

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

Sometimes people consider it “settling” not because the person they’re dating is a huge loser who is disresepctful or rude but because they always tend to think the grass will be greener on the other side. They believe that it just isn’t possible to have found a guy they could actually spend the rest of their lives with. There MUST be an even better guy out there. Sometimes you just need to realize how lucky you are and be grateful for what you have.

blackstar's avatar

To piggyback on the question… Let’s say you have already felt you found “the one” (as in, the one person you truly loved and thought you were going to marry), but due to various circumstances it didn’t work out and probably never will. So you spend years dating people and nothing ever feels right. You give a chance to someone who treats you good, makes you smile, would make a great husband etc, though not originally the person you felt you would have ended up with, for lack of a better explanation. Is this settling? Is it wrong?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@blackstar Only if you don’t love them it is. Otherwise, it’s being smart.

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