General Question

live_rose's avatar

If I was to run away where would be the best place to go?

Asked by live_rose (1223points) April 23rd, 2009

Im 19 and in a downward spiral school wise and I don’t want to face my parents if i fail out. I don’t need people to tell me my idea is stupid or that my parents will love me regardless Im just looking at my options right now. Im just asking if live in Philadelphia from there where should I go? I also cant drive so Ill have to bus it there or hitch hike or something

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24 Answers

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Face your parents. If you start running now, from one of the first, most serious things to happen in your life thus far, you will continue to run for the rest of your life – from everything that makes you too scared to face people. Courage is important in this kind of world.

This is your life, take control of it. This is not the end of the world. Bad things happen to people all the time, you need to learn to deal with it. I’m not being mean right now, I’m trying to help you out in the long run. People will get disappointed with you, it happens. And you look past it and move on. Don’t run away… It is a bad decision.

adreamofautumn's avatar

You don’t want to hear “don’t run away”, so instead i’ll say…please don’t hitch hike if you are going to run away.
That said (and though I really don’t think you should run away), maybe you should look for intentional living, sanctuaries, co-ops, communes, etc. They might be able to be a good support network while you pull yourself together.

I gave you a legitimate answer, so now i’ll also say…maybe you should try talking to your parents, teen runaways lives become seriously messy very quickly, you run the risk of losing a lot more by doing it. The majority of teen runaways end up living on the street, or in even worse situations, please don’t become a statistic, if you can’t speak to your parents speak to someone you can trust, find a counselor, friend, social worker, anything. You are not a statistic, don’t put yourself on a path that will cause you to be come one.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Running away is a seriously bad idea. Where I live, there are a lot of runaways who think life will be awesome here. They often end up living on the street and miserable… often times being preyed upon by terrible people. I won’t bother elaborating save that their situations are often far worse than any episode of Law and Order SVU.

You’re 19. Step 1 is getting a job. Step 2 is finding a place to live. If you have friends in your area, find a place with them to live if you can.

At least consider talking with your parents before running away without a plan.

live_rose's avatar

@The_Compassionate_Heretic I do have a job and can transfer to a store anywhere on the east cost. and before I go anywhere I had planned on looking for a place over in that area. Im not completely plannless. I wont have any friends where i go but I don’t mind being alone.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

@live_rose Good deal. Just make sure you’re taken care of.
Maybe some time later, at least consider making peace with your parents.
My parents and I had a bad relationship when I was 19. It is much better now many years later.

Best of luck to you.

Jack79's avatar

It’s pretty hard even if you did drive. As you said, you don’t want people to tell you how stupid it is, so I won’t. But right now running away seems like a dead end.

What skills do you have, that would allow you to survive? If your parents want to track you down, they will. So transferring to another store is not really an option, because they can probably get that info (not sure if they’re allowed to if you’re over 18).

I don’t know the exact reasons that make you want to run away, but if there’s one thing worse than running away, is having to come back as a failure. How would you face them then? And if you find yourself in a dead end, your pride will keep you away, even if your life away gets increasingly worse than the hell you’re going through now.

So at least plan better. Make sure you know everything about where you’re going. About jobs, prices, your future there. And always have a plan B and a plan C, if not more.

live_rose's avatar

@Jack79 You cant really give info about about an adult without their content. And I’ve been trying to figure out the cost of living in comparison to the money I would be able to bring in thats why Im not on the streets right now Im trying to plan everything before making a move.

upholstry's avatar

Not wanting to face your parents is a silly reason to move away. And your 19, so you’re not exactly ‘running away.’ You’re an adult now, so you can make choices like this about your life.

If you consider yourself mature enough, which, personally, I’m inclined to think otherwise, moving away is a good way to establish independence and see the world. I moved across the country in my mid-20’s because I felt ‘alienated’ at home, and never looked back!

But it’s retarded to move away to just to avoid facing your parents.

Oh, and the best place to go? Seattle! Screw the east coast.

augustlan's avatar

Rose, I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a tough time. I’m sending good thoughts your way.

Before you actually run away, consider the fact that you are an adult. As such you don’t really need to run away. If you’d rather not face your parents, you don’t have to… but that doesn’t mean you need to drop off the face of the Earth, either. You could write them a letter, or have a trusted relative/friend/teacher let them know what’s going on with you.

Also, please, please, please consider getting counseling. It will help you cope with this and other things in the future without feeling the need to run from it. Sometimes life is hard… but I’d hate for you to miss the good that’s just around the corner!

live_rose's avatar

Maybe run away was the wrong phrase I apologize

hug_of_war's avatar

I dropped out at 18, and it was not a good time, but it’s the adult thing to face your parents and tell them the truth, and I don’t get along with my parents at all, but I did it. If you want to start over somewhere, do so, but do it the right way, not because you’re scared. If there’s anything I can tell you, it’s that even if your parents seem to not understand at all your situation, they really do want the best for you. I didn’t really get that at the time.

I know this isn’t the advice you want, but I’ve totally been there

Facade's avatar

I had to tell my parents that I had to take a break from school, and yea, they were disappointed, but they got over it (I think). It probably helps that I don’t much care for anyone’s opinion of my life decisions but that’s another discussion I honestly don’t see them crucifying you for failing out of school. I mean, you can do it over, and things will get better.

jrpowell's avatar

At sometime in your life you will have to see your parents again. Flunking out of school is going to be a lot easier to deal with than hiding from them for ten years. You are an adult now, they can’t ground you. If you have a job and a place to live you can walk away if they give you any shit.

No need to hide. And put yourself in their shoes. Imagine if your 19 year old daughter just vanished. Tell them you want to work full-time to save up for a trip to Europe and you will go back to school when you get back.

But if you are determined to just leave I would head to the west coast.

Jeruba's avatar

I dropped out of college at 19 too. I didn’t even wait for the end of the semester. I was depressed and anchorless and rudderless, and I couldn’t stick it out. I just called and asked for a plane ticket and went home on about three days’ notice without even giving a half-decent explanation. And almost as soon as I got home I found a job and moved out.

It took me four years to get my head straight, but I went back and finished my degree. And since then I’ve known a number of people who did something similar. I’ll bet your parents do too. Why not call and ask them?

qashqai's avatar

Everything been said is wise and wonderful advice. Adding more would be pointless.

So good luck. Just that.

TaoSan's avatar

And if all the aforementioned failed, I recommend Thailand or Goa!

rooeytoo's avatar

When I was 18 I told my parents I was sick of school and wanted to get a job and be on my own. They were not happy but there wasn’t much they could do. I moved to DC and lived in a woman’s hotel. It was a terrible place but I loved being on my own and earning my own money. Soon found a room mate and found a cheap apartment. It was a great time. I eventually went back to school, paid my own way and did a lot better since I was paying the bill myself. It is the coolest thing to be completely alone in a new city where no one knows you, what a sense of freedom.

I would say have a go at a new life but don’t burn any bridges (like with your parents) behind you when you do.

Triiiple's avatar

Are you hot? Run to Orlando, FL ill take care of ya

cwilbur's avatar

Take a serious look at what you can expect if you run away. Be brutally honest about what your chances are of finding a place to live (if you don’t already have two months’ living expenses saved up, your chance there is approximately zero), at what your employment prospects are (working retail is fine when you’re 19, but do you want to be drawing retail paychecks when you’re 40 because you got on that treadmill and couldn’t get off). Compare that to what you have now. Is running away really going to lead to an improvement in your life?

Jack79's avatar

…and stay away from people like Triiiple ;)

sdeutsch's avatar

Almost everything I was going to say has already been said, so I’ll just add this:

Think about what it is that you’re running away from – are you happy with the rest of your life, and it’s just your parents that you’re trying to get away from? If so, think about finding a way to keep most of your life stable, rather than turning everything upside-down – find a friend that you can get your own place with, and have someone let your parents know that you’re there, but you need to be on your own for a while. That way, if/when you’re ready to face them, there won’t be the additional baggage of running away to deal with, and you’ll still be close by and able to see them. Plus, you’ll still have a support network of friends there around you, which can really make a huge difference in how successful you are in other parts of your life.

I’ll add the disclaimer that I do think talking to your parents is the best way to go, but if you feel like you can’t do that right now, that’s okay – just don’t go so far and burn so many bridges that you won’t be able to if you change your mind…

YARNLADY's avatar

I wouldn’t call moving out on your own, and perhaps transferring to another city that same thing as running away. It’s healthy to be on your own at your age. If you do move, stay at a youth hostel or YMCA until you get an apartment.

Keep us posted.

Hibernate's avatar

No matter what you decide to do you need to understand one thing.

Everything what will happen will happen no matter what. Your decision will influence it but you need to live with it no matter what.

Then it’s gonna be all good.

But if you want the best advice… don’t live your life according to what someone suggest over the internet. This because if shit hits the fans you are gonna suffer not them.

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