General Question

raptorum's avatar

What do I do with my love.

Asked by raptorum (43points) May 18th, 2009 from iPhone

I am in love with this girl. But I am not the most confident person, and I am also somewhat a geek. Now also consider this. She has a boyfriend but I don’t think he us right for her, yet I have this deep love for her that won’t go away. Now lately me and her have become small friends but not extreme friends, and I’m worryed I might fall into the friend zone.now it is also one week untill school is out and I’m debating wether I should tell her how I feel. Can anyone help me.

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26 Answers

gymnastchick729's avatar

maybe just let things play out until she is a little more comfortable with you. eventually, just tell her.

Blondesjon's avatar

Tell her.

It’s better to regret the things you did than the things you didn’t.

Nefily's avatar

I agree just tell her how you feel. You already know you don’t want to be “just friends” so just tell her your true intentions. Everyone respects honesty.

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

she has a boyfriend.

westy81585's avatar

In all honesty, even if you feel her b/f isn’t right for her (and even if he isn’t), she obviously doesn’t feel that way right now. In all likelihood she’s not going to leave him for someone whom she has a mild friendship with (nor would you want to get her in that manner cuz it says something about what she would be capable of in a relationship with you). I would suggest keeping a low key and if she and the b/f ever break up trying then.

Since you say you love her, I’m gonna go ahead and assume you’re younger?

wundayatta's avatar

Sounds like a bit of an obsession. Well, that’s ok. That’s what love feels like. Some love is obsessive, and other love is freeing. Women don’t like the obsessive kind, at least in a nerd, because you end up stalking her.

In a confident guy, as @Blondesjon would have you be, you might be able to carry it off, and carry her away. But that’s not who you are. You are not James Bond. @Blondesjon is James Bond, and thus thinks as James Bond thinks. For him, there is no black and white, only action, or not action. He has no time for wiffle-waffle.

It’s one way to be in the world, but not everyone is like that, nor is it a good thing for everyone to be that way. Your strength is your intelligence and your ability to remain calm in the middle of the storm.

This means you wait. Waiting tells you a couple of things. It tells you whether your love is an obsession of the moment, or whether it is something that has to do with her. If it has to do with her, you will come to know her better. You love her based on her looks or the way she is in school. She is a fantasy to you now. You don’t really know her, so you really can’t possibly love her…. yet.

Eventually, this boyfriend will go. If, when this happens, you know her better, and she knows you well enough to want to go out with you, then you will know your feelings have staying power. Feelings of the moment can be very powerful, but they can also leave as fast as they come. There are a million other girls just a pretty or nice or interesting as her. Don’t worry. You’ll connect with one, or even more, eventually. It’ll be nice and natural, because it’ll happen on both sides, and with a little bit of craziness. A little bit of craziness is good. A lot—not so much.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

You’re in the friend zone already. Be friends with her. She has friends. Nothing bad comes from being friends.

dannyc's avatar

Just remember there are a ton of people to love out there. If it is meant to be, it will happen. If not, you will find love elsewhere.

Jokerlover's avatar

I am also in love with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with he is older then me but I had to tell him my heart was being overwhelmed he has gotten closer to me as a friend and I hope one day he will love me back so depending on what your heart says that’s want you should do if you love her and you want what’s best for her, do whatever you can to make her happy.But if seeing another person with her makes you sad then talk to her about it don’t be shy because I’m sure if she gets to know you she might fall in love with you to don’t wait because from what your question sounds like you should be the one at the alter and growing old with her . Follow your heart and keep faith my good friend.

kenmc's avatar

Take your love and write it down in some form or another.

justwannaknow's avatar

Reach between your legs and see if there is anything there, If so use them and tell her how you feel.

SeventhSense's avatar

Just tell her, get your heart trampled and learn what you did wrong. You’re anticipating failure for a reason. You’re pursuing an unavailable woman because it reinforces what you really feel about yourself. Get to the bottom of that first.

skfinkel's avatar

Be her friend, and tell her you can wait for her since you really like her, and then be her friend.

SeventhSense's avatar

@skfinkel
LMAO. Yes let’s be BFF and wear friendship rings.
There could be no worse advice than that. He wants to get something going with her not watch Oprah.~_~

ccbatx's avatar

tell her what you just told fluther, and see what happens. No regrets. As the latin phrase goes ‘memento mori’ (remember death), so live.

SeventhSense's avatar

Oh and infatuation does not equal love.

DarkScribe's avatar

Oh look – a baby stalker taking its first steps. The clue is the determination that the girl’s chosen romantic interest is “not right for her”, even though the poster admits to not even being a real friend and can therefore have no possible basis for making such an assessment. This sort of thing can lead to some pretty dark places.

cak's avatar

Sounds like a bit of an obsession. Well, that’s ok. That’s what love feels like. Some love is obsessive, and other love is freeing. Women don’t like the obsessive kind, at least in a nerd, because you end up stalking her.

@daloon – Obsessive love, is never a desirable kind of love, from anyone. It’s smothering and well, obsessive. That’s not normal. Now, I am on medication and may be missing a tongue-in-cheek statement, if so…sorry! If not, are you sleep deprived? That’s not normal daloonish advice.

skfinkel's avatar

@SeventhSense : Sadly, I have no idea what lmao or bff mean. So, it’s difficult for me to react to your thorough dislike of my advice. No matter. I was not the only one who suggested the route of being a friend. If I understood what you wrote, I could at least respond and maybe even have taken some offense. Sorry I am so last year.

justwannaknow's avatar

@skfinkel
lmao = laughing my ass off… bff = best friends forever..

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

You have no right to make the judgement that her boyfriend isn’t right for her. She has a boyfriend, so let it go until she doesn’t. Let them end up where they will, without your interference.

wundayatta's avatar

@cak If Johnny Depp was stalking you, would you run away? I guess I made it sound like women might like obsession from non-nerds, and that’s not what I meant. I just meant to give myself an out because I believe that some women would like to be stalked by some men. Would you turn down Johnny Depp? ;-)

cak's avatar

@daloon oh, silly man, that wouldn’t be stalking, that would be him finally coming to his senses!

wundayatta's avatar

@cak LOLOLOLOL. Lurve for that!

SeventhSense's avatar

Brad Pitt would never be accused of sexual harassment but this poor guy just wants a slice of pie. Ahh the inequity.

BBQsomeCows's avatar

> I have this deep love for her that won’t go away

then be happy for her or be truthful about your feelings (hint: it’s not love you’re feeling)

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