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Nefily's avatar

How do you help a friend who is in love with someone they met on xbox?

Asked by Nefily (633points) May 27th, 2009 from iPhone

My friend is a great person. She is very beautiful, creative, and intelligent. Unfortunately someone is taking advantage of her. She is in a very vulnerable state. This guy from the U.S (she lives in Canada) met my friend online from xbox. They met on the game Halo. He has basically told her she is beautiful and he loves her and cannot wait to be with her. She is now “secretely” dating because she doesn’t want anyone at school to know and think she is dating a creeper. She gets into little petty fights with him constantly and it makes her so sad. He will make her feel bad for things that really shouldn’t matter. Everytime she talks to another guy on xbox he gets jealous and ignores her and if she does not say goodbye to him he ignores her and says things like “It is ok hun, if I was talking to someone else I would stop and make sure I sad bye to you because I love you so much, but don’t worry about it, it’s ok.”. How do I get rid of this creep in her life without offending her or losing her as my best friend. I love her so much and I know this guy is just taking advantage of her. She has already had a past with a creep taking advantage of her as little girl. He is planning to come to Canada to visit her this summer! Please give me any advice! I don’t want another sick freak to hurt her, she deserves better.

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24 Answers

MrGV's avatar

You can’t do anything about it, once a girl/guy is in love nothing can stop them from anything except themselves; stand back and let her realize it on her own.

oratio's avatar

People meet on Halo?

MrGV's avatar

@oratio haha you’ll be surprised at how many people falls for each other over online games

Tink's avatar

@oratio – My question exactly

Tink's avatar

@MrGeneVan – Also in socializing places

Darwin's avatar

I suppose the only thing you could do is make sure she only sees him on double dates with you and a large and imposing guy (assuming you date guys).

Otherwise, maybe her xBox has a convenient “accident” and by the time it is fixed he has moved on to someone else?

westy81585's avatar

I have friends who’ve met their S/O over online videogames and are now dating. So I wouldn’t worry about that part.

What I would worry about is that it sounds like the guys an ass. Talking to other guys is off limits? Cuz that’s mature. Sounds like the guy is controlling, and if your friend is as pretty and cool as yo usay, then she can do better (heck she plays games, that’s a plus in and of itself).

But I wouldn’t worry, what with the distance, I can’t imagine this will last.

Nefily's avatar

@Darwin ya my bf has decided he does not want any part in this because he feels that my friend should find out on her own that this guy is a freak. Ya I wish I could get rid of her xbox but she talks to him online and through textson her phone so it is pointless.

Nefily's avatar

@westy81585 he is already saving up money for a plane ticket to see her

chelseababyy's avatar

Check it. I met a guy online, on stickam.com, he lived in Cali, I was in Florida at the time. We talked for 4 months or so, online, on the phone, etc. He asked me to fly out to see him, I did. Was supposed to only stay two weeks, he asked me to stay indefinitely. And we’ve been together for over a year now. Everything happens for a reason.

You want her to be happy, and you care about her, I can see that. But let her figure things out on her own. The guy may sound like a creeper to you, you may thing he’s just using her but you’re not her. Interfering isn’t the best idea. Say something to her if you must, let her know you’re worried, but if she says it’s none of your business. Don’t bother with it anymore.

Nefily's avatar

@chelseababyy ya I see your point but I know her and this guy isn’t right for her I guess I’m just going to have to be there for in case something goes wrong. And ya I talked to her about how worries I am and she sent me emails he wrote her saying how she means the world to him etc. i just can’t see how he can feel this way if he doesn’t really know her and never met her in person.

Tink's avatar

@Nefily – Has he seen her picture?

Nefily's avatar

ya he has

Tink's avatar

Well maybe he does really like her

jackfright's avatar

You slap some sense into her.

chelseababyy's avatar

@Nefily I still understand where you’re coming from, but being her friend, you don’t KNOW that this guy isn’t right for her. That’s for her to figure out. You aren’t either of them, you can’t tell her he’s not right for her, if she thinks otherwise. Being a friend there’s only so much to do, but saying things like “I know her and this guy isn’t right for her” may just push you away from her. Just be supportive, and be there if she needs anything.

Now about when you said – “i just can’t see how he can feel this way if he doesn’t really know her and never met her in person.”

I KNEW I had feelings for Randy before I flew out to California, there was just something there. He also had feelings for me, feelings that he said he had never felt before. My best friend told me I was crazy, but I did it anyway, and I’m BEYOND happy with my life. He’s one of the most amazing people in my life, and I 100% do not regret what I did.

A_Beaverhausen's avatar

maybe its love?

chelseababyy's avatar

@timeand_distance Thank you much hun.

I have a lot of experience in this field. So many of my friends and family members were against me going, but it just felt right, and it was something that I believed that I needed to do. I know they cared about me, and my well being, but it’s my decision you know? What I’m most thankful for were the people there cheering me on and having my back. Luckily for me, things ended up amazing. Just because you haven’t met someone IN THE FLESH doesn’t mean things can’t work out. I’m the product of a long distance, over the internet/phone relationship working out.

What’s meant to be will be, and what’s not, won’t. Let life take the reins and just sit back for the ride. Everything happens for a reason, and even if the reason is not crystal clear now, when everything is said and done, you’ll know why.

timeand_distance's avatar

@chelseababyy
totally agree.
met my boyfriend online, too, and when he was coming to see me, almost everyone was like LE GASP HE WILL KILL YOU AND BE A WEIRDO, when in all actuality he’s pretty much the best dude ever. And yeah, I knew I loved him before I physically met him, too.

chelseababyy's avatar

@timeand_distance That’s awesome. Since meeting my boy on the internet, I’m such a sucker for internet love stories. Lurve to you my friend!

The thing that’s great is this. Sure meeting someone in person is cool and all.. But meeting someone online is cool in the fact that you CAN’T get physical right away, it’s purely just personalities going back and forth. Sure, you can webcam, or see pictures, but you get to know the person, TALK with them without being able to have physical contact. There’s a certain connection that’s established that way, which makes being able to kiss and touch that person (when possible) that much better. You know what I’m saying?
I loved when things with my boy and I worked out because everyone was totally not expecting it, they were prepared for the worst, and everything worked out for the best. My parents, which I was never close with, LOVE him, as does the rest of my family.

Judi's avatar

How old is she? If she’s in HS or younger you could tell her parents. Then it at least wouldn’t have to feel guilty if something happened to her.

oratio's avatar

Ok. I’ll throw this in. You can’t be your friends relationship manager. Obviously you believe you know what’s better for her than she does, but If she is making a mistake, it’s hers to make. That is a part of life, and part of growing up. She can’t date people that you pre approve. What if she doesn’t like the guy you date next? Is that showing support for your wishes?

If there is something tangible showing that this guy is out to hurt her, then it’s something real. Otherwise, I think you should respect your friends integrity a bit more.

He might be an ass. But it’s her life.

But, Halo?

Clair's avatar

make sure you’re not wanting to get rid of him just because you’re jealous. but he does sound kind of creepy, just keep an eye on her. you’re not going to be able to do anything except be a shoulder to cry on (if need be). but keep in mind that not all internet relationships are bogus. i met my hubby on myspace and we’ve been together for almost 2 years.

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