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ishecrazy29's avatar

What do you think of a cyberstalking boyfriend?

Asked by ishecrazy29 (4points) May 28th, 2009

Well my boyfriend knew that I had male friends, and tricked me through email by pretending to be someone that I met before. I told him about this person, and all of the details about this person, and this was how he was able to trick me.

Anyway, I kind of had a feeling it was him, but went on this date that he set up, expecting to see the person that I met. My boyfriend shows up, and now I know that it was him that set up the fake date. When he sees me at the restaurant, instead of coming clean, he is all upset and walks away from me and goes home.

I then call him about 15 minutes later and ask him if there is something that he needs to tell me, and he still doesn’t admit that it was him. So I then go on to believe that this was really a person who stood me up.

To make matters worse, he continues to email me, asking for a second chance to see me. I’m more confused than ever, because I wouldn’t think he would go though all of this at the age of 39 to trick a woman. I’m torn between the idea of it being him, or an actual person that I met before.

I had to go to him and tell him that I knew that it was him. He apologizes and said that he never had played a game like that on anyone. We’ll probably remain friends now, if anything. He kind of scard me. :(

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21 Answers

Grisaille's avatar


Sounds like serious trust issues. Any reason why he might feel that way? How old are you?

Grisaille's avatar

Might feel a bit self-conscious about the age gap. He’s nearing the halfway mark and you’re still in your prime.

You care for him, no? Might I suggest you speak to him about the issue, and why he felt that he needed to do something like this?

Explain to him that his fears are unfounded, and that there was no reason to A. invade your privacy, B. mistrust you, and C. feel that way in the first place.

If you are looking to be just friends, I’d suggest having this conversation anyhow. You might get some introspective into your own life and learn from it. Maybe you unknowingly gave him reason to doubt you, accidentally.

Judi's avatar

It sound like you two are not meant to be together. 1. It’s just creepy that he would go to all that trouble to see if you would go on a date with another guy, and 2, if you want to go on a date with another guy you probably were not all that committed to him in the first place. You two are not in sync on what a committed relationship looks like.

bythebay's avatar

Ummmm, if he’s your “boyfriend”, why are arranging a date with another man? Having other male friends is fine, but setting up other dates? Now, I’m confused.

syz's avatar

1. Why are you talking online and agreeing to dates when you have a boyfriend?
2. What kind of relationship do you have that he would feel the need to test you this way?
3. #1 kind of answers #2, so it sounds like a dysfunctional relationship all around.

Grisaille's avatar

P.S. Welcome to Fluther. :P

ishecrazy29's avatar

Well, kind of an “open relationship” . Maybe I shouldn’t even call him my boyfriend. He knew that I saw other people.

Grisaille's avatar


So then what’s his beef?

ishecrazy29's avatar

He’s always said that he had low self-esteem, and I’ve tried to help him with that by bringing him up.

bythebay's avatar

If your relationship is open…this whole question is a moot point and it’s just taking up space! He tricked you, that was wrong.

Likeradar's avatar

So… he’s allowed to see other people, but you’re not? And you see him at a restaurant, and he denies he was there and you believe him over your own eyes? Is there something else going on? This doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Grisaille's avatar

So then that’s his issue, not yours.

Shouldn’t be worried. I would personally cut ties; I can’t stand ridiculous drama.

Judi's avatar

@ishecrazy29 ; an “open relationship” will do nothing to bring up a persons self esteem. Only someone with a really healthy self esteem can handle that, and I have a suspicion that even then it catches up eventually.

dynamicduo's avatar

Honestly, that’s really strange behaviour. I would not tolerate it if any such nonsense occurred even once more. He has issues of some type, that’s for sure… 39 and playing stupid games? Sounds like a waste of time to me. Go live your life without having to worry about such nonsense.

Poser's avatar

If, at 39, he doesn’t have his shit together more than to pull something like this, you should get out NOW.

oratio's avatar

He has obviously issues with his own self-esteem.

cwilbur's avatar

I think a cyberstalking boyfriend needs to be kicked to the curb as quickly as possible. Reasonable, stable adults do not play games like that.

aprilsimnel's avatar

When I first read this, I thought the situation was dealing with 14-year-olds. :/

I’ve got three words for you: Run! Sprint! Now!

And I’ve got a few more: After you’ve gotten away from him, figure out why you even went along with this headgame to begin with and stop! Your intuition was telling you something was wrong and you disregarded it. Please don’t do that to yourself anymore.

oratio's avatar

man is a giddy thing

Darwin's avatar

Sounds like a song to me.

If you don’t like pina coladas or practical jokes, get the H. out of Dodge. He is trying to see if you will “cheat” on him by tempting you. When the police do something like this it is called entrapment.

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