General Question

darkwolf8476's avatar

Is it wrong to make time for someone only when it's convenient for you?

Asked by darkwolf8476 (69points) June 8th, 2009

A buddy of mine was recently trying to help me get over a heartache involving a girl that things just didn’t work out with. Like all good friends, he tried to point out why that girl was probably no good for me anyways. One thing he said that struck me as odd was, “She only wanted to make time for you when it was convenient for her.” Last I checked…we’re all like that. If it’s an inconvenience to deal with someone at that time, we tend to push it off until later…or am I wrong? Also…I took that statement at face value….could I perhaps be missing something deeper he was trying to say?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

10 Answers

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

We all make time when it suits us to some extent, but in the context of a relationship, you would expect that each wants to lessen the inconvenience for the other and so not be so fixed on convenience for themselves. Relationships include a great deal of compromise. If one or the other party is not amenable to flexibility in making time for the other, and are not willing to compromise to some extent, then they are likely not into the relationship. On the other hand, its also not about self-flagellation, and you must be careful not to throw too much into it if it is not going to be reciprocated.

Edit: Maybe I’m just an idealist, but thankfully that’s the way it works in my relationship. We both make time for each other, and are both inconvenienced, but its worth it.

essieness's avatar

I think your friend meant to say that she didn’t care enough about you to set aside special time for you. I know what you mean… we all want to do things when we want to do them. But when you really care about someone, you will change your schedule and make time to be with that person. I’m not saying that is or is not what this girl did, but I think that’s what he meant.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

There’s a continuum. People go out of their way a whole lot or not at all, but usually somewhere in between, to make time to be with you. Making time for someone when it’s not convenient for you means putting their needs above your own. In a long-term relationship, it’s a necessary element of compromise. For example, my boyfriend was on his way to an important religious ceremony culminating seven years of observance, and a lot of people were there for him. I had an emotional break-down that same day, and he made time to be there for me when it was most highly inconvenient for him. He ended up being more than two hours late, but he took care of me.

Maybe your friend just meant that she wasn’t as committed to the relationship or to you as she could have been.

YARNLADY's avatar

To me, a successful relationship is one where both parties put the needs of the other above their own.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

If it’s a serious relationship, whether it’s a lover, friend or family member, people generally find time to spend with each other even if other things are going on. That’s what makes it so special – everyone always has something going on in one way or another. If we all waited for the time to magically appear, no one would have any close relationships at all. We find time, for those who are important to us. I think that’s what your friend was getting at, and in my mind, he is correct.

f4a's avatar

i think if someone really loves you or just simply likes you, they will be willing to sacrifice their own needs and time for someone they really care about. ofcourse it won’t apply all the time, because something has to give, meaning, one will get their way while the other won’t. that is why people in a relationship need to comprise.

MrItty's avatar

You have a weird definition of “making time”. If it’s convenient for you, you’re not making time. You’re simply using available time. “Making time”, to me, means you move things around in your schedule to create available time to spend with the person.

If someone isn’t willing to move things around to spend time with someone in a committed relationship, it’s not a particularly committed relationship to begin with.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Acquaintances make time for each other based on convenience or boredom.
Friends and loved ones make time for each other because they really want to see each other and will often inconvenience themselves to make that happen.

Mitbak's avatar

Directly, I’d say it’s not. But it should depend on the level of intimacy in the relationship, right? I have an acquaintance that I only see when it fits into my schedule; but I regularly reschedule to-dos on my own list in order to spend time with my girlfriend.

I’d like to suggest that “convenient” (as your friend used it) was definitely intended as a negative. In other words: she wasn’t invested in the relationship. I assume he, too, believes that a working romantic relationship should involve intimacy. Of course I could be confusing you all over again, with words like “invested” and “intimacy”. I hope not :^]

darkwolf8476's avatar

Mitbak- Thanks for the input…and don’t worry. Lol You didn’t confuse me in the least, and I’d say you just may have hit the nail right on the head…

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther