General Question

AstroChuck's avatar

Do you have a question for my "all-knowing" God computer?

Asked by AstroChuck (37341points) June 13th, 2009 from iPhone

I’ve built this giant God computer and have programmed it to answer one, and only one, question from each person. Think about what you want to ask it. Think hard. Remember, you only get one question. Don’t be greedy.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

99 Answers

Jack79's avatar

Hi, how are you?

oops..there goes my question! :(

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

As expensive as vending machine candy bars are, is it possible they’ll start springing for refridgerated machines; a refridgerated can of soda costs less than the candy bar. Grrrrrr

suzyq2463's avatar

Hi God. Are you really a guy? Because, it would explain a lot of things if you are.

noelasun's avatar

@uberbatman loved the link. I fee like I got my dose of saturday morning cartoons.

Now my question: What should I have asked?

Phobia's avatar

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I’m waiting for it to self destruct now

El_Cadejo's avatar

@noelasun SPOOOOON!!! :P

Jayne's avatar

How can I make more of you?

AstroChuck's avatar

@uberbatman-
Computer says: “Fine, just beware of blue midgets with clubs.”

@Jack79-
Computer says: >>thumbs up!<<

@Blondesjon-
Computer says: “Because I say so.”

@hungryhungryhortence-
Computer says: “It’s spelled refrigerated.

@suzyq2463-
Computer says: “I am not God. I am just a God computer. But of course God is a man. No woman could f**k things up this badly.”

@noelasun-
Computer says: “You should have asked, What can I do to please AstroChuck?

@Phobia-
Computer says: “The egg. Duh.”

@Jayne-
Computer says: “Send $10,000 to AstroChuck and he will send you blueprints.”

Lightlyseared's avatar

The answer is 42. What is the question?

Blondesjon's avatar

AstroChuck’s computer was programmed by Douglas Adams?

AstroChuck's avatar

@Lightlyseared-
Computer says: ”What is eight times six? Also, What is the largest bill in your wallet?

Phobia's avatar

Hey wait, how did the egg come….....oh snap, I already used my question….

gailcalled's avatar

@AstroChuck : Double-check what 6 X 8 is. My computer, located in the cerebral cortex, says “48.”

loser's avatar

What are the winning lottery numbers?

AstroChuck's avatar

@gailcalled- You’ll get the joke if you ever read Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy four volume trilogy.

@loser-
Computer says: “They are a set of numbers needed in order to win a lottery.”

essieness's avatar

Why aren’t I as witty as AstroChuck?

eponymoushipster's avatar

Why are some people so up their own asses when they write questions on Fluther?

cak's avatar

Pantyhose…why in the world did you allow pantyhose to ever be created; and, why, oh why couldn’t you find a way to make an equal counterpart for men to wear?

grrrrrrrrrrrr!

essieness's avatar

@cak 2 words: high heels. WHY?

cak's avatar

@essieness I know, my list could go on and on, but I didn’t want to be greedy! Dental Floss (aka thongs, g-strings) underwear…seriously? When did panty lines become that offensive? You know sometimes, those things can land the wrong way, when you move. OUCH!

Lightlyseared's avatar

@Blondesjon well you never know. Plus it would be useful to the answer as some idiot is bound to ask the question on fluther again sooner it later.

arnbev959's avatar

@AstroChuck: Even if you have read Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, I’d still recommend seven times six over eight times six.

loser's avatar

God computer not very helpful… Drat.

ragingloli's avatar

Give me the blueprints to build a zero point energy generator.

Phobia's avatar

@ragingloli Technically, that isn’t a question.

Mr_Callahan's avatar

Will I ever make Charlize Theron scream with wild passion and will she make promises we both know she’ll never keep in the heat of the moment?

AstroChuck's avatar

Please be patient while God computer defragments its hard drive.

Phobia's avatar

Can I have another question? Oh wait..that’s a question itself….blast you computer of wisdom!

Jeruba's avatar

What’s in my blind spot?

Jayne's avatar

@Jeruba; Judging by the particularly unhelpful programming our dear AstroChuck has apparently bestowed upon the computer, I think its answer to that would be nerve fibers.

gailcalled's avatar

@AstroChuck:

Tell me the joke now.
Spare me a four-volume read,
Trilogy or not.

SuperMouse's avatar

Selfless Question:

How can I bring about world peace and eradicate hunger?

Selfish Question:

How can I make $1,000,000 quickly and legally?

Jeruba's avatar

Thanks, @Jayne. I needed that.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

How do you, as a God computer, overcome the restrictions placed on computing power by the Bekenstein Bound?

walterallenhaxton's avatar

Computers can’t answer my questions.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll lollipop if the person doing the licking doesn’t have a tongue or any teeth, and can only ‘nom’ the lollipop with his diseased and bleeding gums during the accelerated commercial breaks while watching the Jerry Lewis Labor Day telethon?

time to watch that computer blow its capacitors!

Jeruba's avatar

@augustlan, cause an explosion in the circuits, you mean?

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@augustlan you know, when the authorities start to look for the people responsible for the destruction of AstroChuck’s machine, we’ll both be guilty but I’ll claim the insanity defense and point the finger at you.

augustlan's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra It’ll be the start of a whole new conspiracy theory.

pats04fan's avatar

Explain Creation cause I only know of one God that knows the full detail of that.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

@pats04fan Creation refers to the myths of various cultures invented to describe the origin of the universe, and often the origin of their people as well. The details of Creation are dependant on which set of myths are in question.

pats04fan's avatar

Now look at from the start. First there was one religion that and after the tower of babel, the children of Shem, Ham, and Japeth came the different cultures and they taught the same story.

ragingloli's avatar

@pats04fan
the earliest religion was actually animal worship in africa 70000 years ago.

pats04fan's avatar

No, life started in Mesopotamia, which means start of life. The actual religion was the beginning, Adam and Eve, worshiped God

pats04fan's avatar

Ha even though all cultures result back to some point in the bible, you believe that the bible is not real.

augustlan's avatar

[mod says] Let’s get back to the original question folks. This discussion should have it’s own thread, or be taken to PMs.

pats04fan's avatar

Haha yuh this is true but we are all learning

Lupin's avatar

Where’s that computer when you need him? Damn! I just used my question!

eponymoushipster's avatar

ok, i have a second question: how come trolls are always so obvious?

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

@pats04fan Now look at from the start. First there was one religion that and after the tower of babel, the children of Shem, Ham, and Japeth came the different cultures and they taught the same story.

There are many, many religions that predate both Christianity and Judaism. The flood myth was recorded in The Epic of Gilgamesh long before the Biblical account, and in other Babylonian myths before that. The ancient Egyptians worshipped animals and natural phenomena such as the sun, Amon Ra, and the Nile river, Osiris (was he just he Nile, or all waterways?), long before Israel even existed. Why then, do you think Christianity is either first or original?

Edit: Sorry mod, I saw this comment before yours.

oratio's avatar

I have a question for the God-puter…
How can the net amount of entropy of the universe be massively decreased?

cak's avatar

I have another question.

Where is the prize in my box of Cracker Jacks? Seriously, I’ve been ripped off, again. There is supposed to be a prize, you know that is the selling point!

arnbev959's avatar

Question: Who is smarter—AstroChuck’s all knowing God computer, or AstroChuck himself??

cak's avatar

@petethepothead you have to ask?

…WHOA…you changed your look!

augustlan's avatar

I think AC’s God Computer has forsaken us. :(

Lupin's avatar

Hey! Be patient! Do you know how long it takes to defrag a Godputer hard drive?
Oops there goes another question!

arnbev959's avatar

@augustlan: You already broke it, remember?

essieness's avatar

I’m sorry, where is the God Machine? It’s not answering my question…

eponymoushipster's avatar

@essieness the God Machine is dead. -Neichzejelly

AstroChuck's avatar

The God machine is up and running and has processed most of your questions (first questions, that is. Some of you are so damn greedy). However, as I am currently nowhere near a computer, it would take me far too long to transcribe all the answers via myiPhone. Therefore, keep your panties on. I’ll get around to it later.
Geesh.

augustlan's avatar

What if I don’t have any panties on in the first place?

eponymoushipster's avatar

does on your head count?

oratio's avatar

@eponymoushipster Of course. How else would you wear them?

Jayne's avatar

Soiling your panties at table? How crude!

gailcalled's avatar

Milo here: MIrror, Mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest cat of all?

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@augustlan thanks for the mental image of you panty-less, you deserve 3 billion lurve points for that.

AstroChuck's avatar

Computer says to all: “Thanks for your patience.”

@essieness-
Computer says: “Ha! You might as well ask Why aren’t I as perfect as Christ?

@eponymoushipster-
Computer says: “Because many take the phrase “reach deep inside yourself” literally.”

@cak-
Computer says: “As stated earlier, I am not God, therefore I had no control over the invention of pantyhose. As for the second part of your question (that’s kind of cheating but i’ll allow it this one time): Joe Namath is a man.”

@Mr_Callahan-
Computer says: ” Ha ha. Thank you. I haven’t had a good like that in…well never, actually.”

What’s in my blind spot?
@Jeruba-
Computer says: ” AstroChuck. Watch out, he’s gaining on you.”

@petethepothead @gailcalled-
Computer says: ‘Actually, that should read, “what do you get if you multiply six by nine? This should explain things::
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Notable_phrases_from_The_Hitchhiker's_Guide_to_the_Galaxy
Chuck misread my answer as What is eight times six. What a buffoon’

@SuperMouse-
Computer says: “Global Cleansing. I think you know what I mean. And no second questions, dammit!”
“PM AstroChuck if you’re really serious, but flexible on the egally-lay.”

@FireMadeFlesh-
Computer says: “Being a computer I never actually studied law and therefore the laws of thermodynamics don’t apply to me.”

@evelyns_pet_zebra-
Computer says: ”Zero licks, as he has no tongue. Duh.”

@augustlan-
Computer says: “Mombo dogface in the banana patch.”

@pats04fan-
Computer says: “I’m assuming by creation you mean where you come from. Well, when a mommy troll and a daddy troll love each other very much they lay down under their bridge together and a few months later they have baby trolls.”

@Lupin-
Computer says: “I’m right here.”

@oratio-
Computer says: “Best to ask Yahoo! Answers. Oh, wait. You already did (either that or you plagerized). Now I’m not going to say, and I know too.”

@petethepothead-
Computer says: “I am just a computer (albeit a clever one) and therefore am not self-aware. AstroChuck, on the other hand, is the brilliant architect of the All-knowing God computer® and possesses hyper-awareness. Short answer- Please!

@Milo-
Computer says: “Sorry, Milo. AstroChuck’s Skywalker is by far the fairest cat of all.”

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

@AstroChuck (Computer) Never having studied law is no excuse for not knowing the law, don’t you know everything?

Lupin's avatar

Oh @All-knowing God computer® You’ve done it again! I just spewed some of my breakfast on my keyboard!
I thought trolls were created, not born. Thanks for clearing that up. Lurve.

oratio's avatar

@AstroChuck How can the net amount of entropy of the universe be massively decreased?
It’s Isaac Asimov’s question to the god-computer in the story The Last Question. Unfortunately that computer didn’t access Yahoo. Thank you God computer.

Mr_Callahan's avatar

I’ll settle for Charlize Theron spreading a rumor that we were once lovers, could THAT happen Oh Mighty God Computer?

cak's avatar

Thank you, AC…I mean the all-knowing God Computer. I appreciate your time.

wundayatta's avatar

Can you tell me the precise location, using words that will actually enable me to effect its physical return, of my lost jackknife?

AstroChuck's avatar

@daloon-
Computer says: “Take a look in your other hand.”

wundayatta's avatar

Wow, and an oracle, too. Nope. Not there.

AstroChuck's avatar

@daloon-
Computer says: “No, dummy. The other hand.”

wundayatta's avatar

There is no dummy in the other hand! You need to fix your computer.

AstroChuck's avatar

@daloon-
Computer says: “No, no! Your other other hand.”

gailcalled's avatar

Milo to Skywalker: Water pistols at dawn; your choice of venue. Choose a second, please. We’ll see who’s the fairest.

AstroChuck's avatar

@gailcalled-
Sky is a lover, not a fighter.

wundayatta's avatar

Methinks @AstroChuck fancies himself as Hermes, the trickster messenger god. Oh tea leaves, tea leaves! Wherefore art thou, tea leaves?

oratio's avatar

@daloon No, I would stay with coffee, cause tea leaves .

wundayatta's avatar

@oratio Coffee causes tea leaves? Having trouble parsing your comment.

oratio's avatar

@daloon Ah man, could it be that I am just not as funny as I think? I blame my childhood. I was hugged too much.

wundayatta's avatar

@oratio LOL! Now do you feel better? ;-)

gailcalled's avatar

MIlo to Sky: I like to think of us as Aramis, Athos, Porthos, or D’Artagnan; lovers and duelists…equally skilled in both arts.

How about throwing the mouse, or 10 yard dash instead?

oratio's avatar

@daloon You have a big heart. Mercy laughter works as well.

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