General Question

Battousai87's avatar

How can i make sex as painless as possible for my girlfriend who is a virgin?

Asked by Battousai87 (450points) July 11th, 2009

My girlfriend and i are thinking that we might want to have sex soon we’ve been dating for over a year and are both a few years over the age of consent.

My question is that, yeah i know it’s going to hurt her, i was hoping for tips or suggestions that will help it not be as bad for her. Things i can do, things she can do, pretty much anything that anyone can suggest. How can i make it as painless as it can be for her?

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16 Answers

peyton_farquhar's avatar

Losing my virginity didn’t hurt. If she’s ever used a tampon she should know what to expect.

Facade's avatar

If you’re going to do this, make sure you and her communicate the whole time. Make sure she is amply aroused and use plenty of lubrication. Go at a speed that comfortable for her. Try not to be nervous.
Oh I almost forgot Use a condom :)

peyton_farquhar's avatar

Yes. Use a condom. For the love of God, use a condom.

Allie's avatar

It’s different for all girls. Some don’t have much pain at all (like me) while others say it hurts so bad that they cried (one of my friends). Just make sure she’s relaxed. Assure her that you’ll stop if she hurts too much. And if she tells you to stop, then stop. Be easy and gentle. Listen and pay attention to her – both what she’s saying (if she says anything, not everyone is a talker during sex) and her body signals.

I think relaxation is the most important. The more relaxed she is, the less she will tense up. Tension will only make it hurt more.

casheroo's avatar

It can be very painful, I know it was for me. But, the pain doesn’t last so it’s not a big deal. She may bleed a lot, so having a towel handy would be good. Just go slow and easy, and listen to her. If she says stop, then stop and slowly pull out.
Also, use protection!

Response moderated
CMaz's avatar

I remember my first sexual experience with a Virgin.

I promised myself I would never have sex with a virgin again.

FrankHebusSmith's avatar

@ChazMaz I’ve “deflowered” one girl in my time. I actually thought it was kinda cool. It probably varies by person though.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’m glad you care for her not to experience pain

SuperMouse's avatar

I am glad that you are a) both above the age of consent, b) have waited a little over a year and c) as @Simone_De_Beauvoir said, that you care that she does not experience pain.

That being said, take it slow. Lots and lots of affection and kissing. Touch her, hold her, be with her before and after. Be patient, if she asks you to stop – stop. Don’t argue with her, I guarantee that in the long run this will be much better than trying to pressure her.

Finally, as has been said before – use a condom and remember lambskin may prevent pregnancy but it does not prevent STD’s.

cyn's avatar

lubrication…..and tell her to use a tampon while on her period…so she would get use to it..ya know…and use a condom…make sure she’s on the pill.
@SuperMouse I lurve your avatar

tinyfaery's avatar

The more aroused she is the less painful it will be. An ample amount of arousal should get her lubricated, but a little extra couldn’t help. Just try to make it about her. Make her feel loved and safe.

Response moderated
DrasticDreamer's avatar

Lots of foreplay will help, because she’ll be more turned on. Graphic, but – use your finger (only one) to make sure she is wet enough before you actually try to have sex. Go down on her, if she’s comfortable with it, because it’ll help. Have lube handy, just in case. And ask her what position she wants to be in. Some positions are more painful than others for someone who has never had sex. Last, just listen to her. Make it as romantic as possible, without being cheesy. Because trust me, she’ll remember that moment for the rest of her life.

It’s great to see a guy ask this kind of question. It’s really sweet.

wildpotato's avatar

I second DrasticDreamer’s suggestion – cunnilingus is a great idea. And lube. Two things to add: most women enjoy sex more if direct clitoral stimulation is involved, so while this may be a lot for her to handle her first time, adding a vibrator to the mix might help her have more fun. Also, try starting out with her on top, both because that position is less uncomfortable for many women their first few times and because she can control what’s happening.

Thammuz's avatar

Three words: Bath, relaxation, lubrication.

Have her take a bath beforehand (possibly with salt in the water to make it invigorating) as to make her skin and muscles as elastic and relaxed as possible (and this takes care of the physical tensions).
Have her lie down with you (Already naked would be preferrable, so that she doesn’t have to move from that moment to the first penetration) ad relax (hot herbal infusions generally work, breathing exercises are good too, if she ever practiced yoga you’re a lucky man).
After she thinks she’s as relaxed as she can use LOTS of lubricant (Water based, the one compatable with condoms, no vaseline otherwise the condom melts and you might end up a dad) and then be as gentle as possible.

I said lubricant because oral sex doesn’t always work if the woman is tense and relaxation isn’t a perfect science…

Also what @DrasticDreamer said, put the foreplay after the relaxation part for added effect (In my experience physical/psychological tensions highly deminish sexual pleasure, what i do know is that you don’t want ther vagina to be clamped shut because her psychological tensions have had her clenching those muscles involuntarily)

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