Social Question

allansmithee's avatar

Do you feel comfortable with your own family?

Asked by allansmithee (356points) July 24th, 2009

I went out rowing with the male members of my family and I realised I had no idea what to talk about, it was very uncomfortable to say the least.
I feel ok with the female members of my family and certain male members but on the whole I can’t talk to most of them.

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44 Answers

MissAnthrope's avatar

No. The only person that really got me was my grandfather, and he passed away about 11 years ago. :(

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Only my immediate family. Anything outside of that, no, I feel extremely uncomfortable. It’s forced interaction on my part usually, because they’re all extremely fake and very religious – neither of which am I.

DominicX's avatar

My immediate family? Yes. I love spending time with them. I only have one brother (who is straight) but he’s not a big muscle man or anything, he’s nerdy and skinny, so it doesn’t make me feel like “less of a man”. I bring that up because I was talking to a gay guy on the internet whose younger brother is a big tough football player macho man’s man, and so it made him feel awkward by comparison. My sister is like my best friend and of course my older sister is hella sick. My parents are awesome and I have no reason to feel uncomfortable around any of them.

I have cousins that I don’t know too well and all that. My cousins in Russia I’m closer with than my cousins here. I have one cousin in Russia named Aninka who knows all about my homosexuality and love of bubblegum dance; I’m definitely comfortable around her.

MacBean's avatar

Not even a little bit. :(

Sarcasm's avatar

Comfortable? Sure.

Do I have anything in common with them? No. Do I have anything to say to them? No.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Yes, I do. We never run out of things to talk about. Even when we moved 800 miles home, I rode in our PU with my SIL while hubby drove the U-Haul. We talked the whole way. I love him to death & we have a good time together. My family is the greatest.

allansmithee's avatar

The awkwardness is partly my fault for being such a shy person, a big part of it is also down to the fact me and them have different key interests, they’re what you would call men’s men, they like sports, drinking, girls (I think you get it)
I’ve tried to bring up stuff I like and I can tell they’re bored of it. I can’t have general chit chat because I feel so distant from these people, they’re very nice I just feel uncomfortable, I don’t want to be a man’s man.

Facade's avatar

My answer’s the same as @Sarcasm

allansmithee's avatar

If you had a family gathering would you talk to them?

mea05key's avatar

Firstly, i think that it is not weird at all if there are quiet moments in the family. I think there is a need to get rid of this feeling that family members should always talk to one another. Fair enough communication is vital but no point getting frustrated if there isn’t any topic for conversation. Being with your family suppose to make you comfortable and cared.

I am a very shy person throughout my life. I find it really hard to start conversation with people. I just smile and nod them whenever people starts to be chatty with me. Some people are chatty and love it when people listen to them. Being shy, i find that I am a good listener ( tho i get bored at some conversation i just nod whenever they say something). I tried reading more nowadays to broaden my thinking and knowledge. THat helps me a lot on conversations as well.

Sarcasm's avatar

@allansmithee not really.
Every birthday or holiday, my siblings drive down to our house and they can chat for hours on end about nothing with my parents (while I entertain myself in my room). When dinner-time comes ‘round I sit down with them for a few hours, enjoy some food, and wait for them to get bored.

Nothing in their lives (that they talk about) interests me, and everything I want to say to them takes less than 5 sentences.

fireinthepriory's avatar

I’m very comfortable with my immediate family (parents, brothers and sisters) and always have things to say to them. I talk to them all on the phone regularly with the exception of my stepfather, who I don’t really relate to, but can hold a conversation with. My relatives on my mom’s side I also feel very comfortable with too, although I have less to say to them. On my dad’s side it’s a lot shakier (partially, I believe, because he died when I was ten). My extended family particularly, I have no idea what to say to. I went to a family reunion summer before last and it was extremely awkward. They had no idea for the most part who I was, which didn’t really help. I mostly hid out with the aunt, uncle and cousin that I know the best, which isn’t all that well. I’m almost surprised I was even invited.

It’s hard when you don’t relate well to your family. My advice is not to feel pressured into hanging out with the dudes just because you’re a dude. If you want to hang out with the girls, do it! Who cares? Don’t force yourself to spend a lot of time with people who you don’t relate to, especially if you have other family members who you get along with better.

DominicX's avatar


If they’re bored by it, then they’re being rude. And I understand; I don’t want to be all manly or anything either. I hate it when my relatives I don’t know too well ask me about girls and stuff and I’m just like…uh… :P

marinelife's avatar

I do not feel safe revealing myself with my family of origin very much. I love them, but I don’t trust them.

Allie's avatar

With my mother’s side of the family – yes, definitely, all of them.
With my father’s side of the family – no, because I don’t know them.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I don’t know. I’d like to be the family type but, to be honest , a lot of them just scare me. T I become withdrawn around them and then they think “I’m just not like the rest of them”. There are certain family members that I feel very comfortable with, my dads mum and my dads sister for example and when I can choose the family that I spend time with they are my first choice. Don’t get me wrong, for the most part I love the rest of my family dearly but I am a little scared of them.

OpryLeigh's avatar

@Marina You just said what I wanted to say in less words.

YARNLADY's avatar

My own family are practically the only people I do feel comfortable with. I don’t feel comfortable in social gatherings with people I’m not very well acquainted. I was raised around a large, extended family. We went to church together, had meals together, and spent much of our days together. I loved it.

When I left home, I have always had a hard time getting to know people. Hubby and I were very happy when most of his family moved near us, until his company moved us away. We visit whenever possible, and miss the family get togethers very much.

patg7590's avatar

nope. not about things that matter anyway

aprilsimnel's avatar

The people I was raised by/with? No.

The family that’s adopted me as an adult? Some, yes; a few, no.

casheroo's avatar

My mother’s extended family can be very mean, and talk behind your back a lot. Luckily you never really know whats being said about you.
I feel comfortable around my immediate family, I know I can be myself. They think I’m weird, and still love me.
@MacBean You’d be welcome at my family functions :)

jca's avatar

i have an aunt who is very into being physically fit, and wears expensive, fashionable clothes and accessories. She has a great personality, and i do enjoy her company, yet i feel somewhat self conscious around her because i am not physically fit and i do not wear expensive stuff. she is judgmental, and she places a great deal of importance on physical attraction (i.e. people having good bodies) so i feel like she’s judging me. i have another aunt who was an English teacher, and she thinks nothing of correcting grammar, so i do like her but i don’t enjoy speaking with her because i feel nervous about using the wrong grammar. my parents and sister i am totally at ease with (although my mom gets on my nerves) and i enjoy their company very much.

1000oceans's avatar

i don’t feel comfortable at all. i can make everyone laugh, but i can never really have serious talks. my family was a mess growing up and i always had friends families or my aunt taking care of me. sometimes my mom and sometimes my dad. i never really felt wanted so i don’t really know what to say now. i don’t blame anyone really but, sometimes i wish things could of been different. like maybe if i could of lived with someone for longer than a few months i could of created a bond. i hardly had time to make friends growing up…and everytime i got to know someone it seemed they went away..i was the dented can kid, the day old bread kid…and the extremly shy kid

then i again without that i wouldn’t be who i am today, so i guess it’s not entirely too bad

i only really get along with my cousin jeff, we grew up together and were both the youngest and i can tell him most things, other than that..i’m more of a friends are my family kind of person

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I love hanging out with my husband and kids most and I don’t really like hanging out with my parents, but if they don’t talk much, it’s okay…in terms of parentals, I like my husbands’ rents better

mzgator's avatar

I’m totally comfortable with my family. My house is a meeting place for all who want to drop in for whatever reason. I do not work. I cook every day, and my door is open for anyone. I love having my family over. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Step daughters all are invited and stop in often. I consider myself blessed to have all of these wonderful people so accessible and actively involved in my life and the lives of my husband and daughter.

cyn's avatar

my dad:no
my mom:no
my brother:no
my sister:no
my baby-sister: nope (tattle-tale)
my dog:yes

Tink's avatar

Heck no!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I always find it sad that so many people, myself included, don’t like their families…what will become of our families? will our children speak the same of us?

Tink's avatar

They will just keep on going like if nothing is wrong

fireinthepriory's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I agree. I think the reason for committing to or marrying someone someone is because you feel that you’ll be compatible for the rest of your lives, and you think you’ll make a good family together. It’s sad that it seems so many people were wrong.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Tink1113 I hope I will be able to see through my children’s pretense

Tink's avatar

@Simone Yeah, but I’m only like that with my cousins cause they are all younger than me

dannyc's avatar

Only some days, when I feel positive and want to spare myself the grief of thinking too much and second guessing why a few of them are so two-faced.

cookieman's avatar

It’s about 50/50.

My father was great to be around. We had lots in common and respected our differences. My mother and I are from different planets.

I’m very comfortable around most of the folks on my father’s side (two aunts in particular).

The folks on my mother’s side can be very engaging and funny. Unfortunately, you can’t trust them as far as you can throw them.

And most of the folks in my wife’s family are very nice to be around (for me; my wife may feel differently).

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

My wife, almost her entire family, my older brother, and that’s pretty much it. Everyone else tasks me. Star Trek, Wrath of Khan reference.

deni's avatar

my family is scattered all over the country and the ones that live close don’t live very close so besides my immediate family i’m not close with anyone else. i feel comfortable with them, my oldest brother seems to understand me best. i’m probably most “me” around him. my parents are pretty good too. they’re pretty understanding with relationships and such junk

xzlslazcarter's avatar

good question,but for me,i really don’t know, but i prefer talk to my friends rather than family.

Hambayuti's avatar

Yes, I do. Even though we’re scattered around the globe, we all have so much fun when we’re together. We talk about everything under the sun and crack jokes at each other as well. We always keep in touch by phone and emails when apart. Being comfortable with each other is something we hold close to our hearts.

Jude's avatar

I can talk to my sister and two brothers, but, not my Dad. My Mom passed away, and all of my siblings and I feel as though we’re “orphaned”. My Dad’s not much of a father. Never has been and most likely never will be. He’s 71 and is all about himself.

babygalll's avatar

I’m not comfortable with any of my cousins. I am a lot for comfortable with friends.

cak's avatar

My immediate family, yes. We’re very close. One of my cousins, yes – we’re close, too. My MIL, yes.

All others, nope. We haven’t seen each other in years and when we do see each other (other cousins, some Aunts and Uncles) it seems like they are always asking for something. While I don’t mind helping, it’s funny that the one and only time I reached out to my entire family, none of them helped me. When they had hands out, asking for money – I helped. When I asked for support while battling cancer, that seemed to be too much.

allansmithee's avatar

I just seen this on one of my family members and I think this shows what type of people are in my family.

Favorite kind of pants: boxers
Favorite Number: 11 and 69,lol
Boys Name: logan or dylan
Girls Name: demi
Animal: dog/parrot
Drink: orange juice/orange wicked
Sport: rugby
Fast-Food Place: pizza hut
Month: july
Band: kings of leon
Movie: braveheart
Breakfast: bac baguette
Perfume: fuck nos
Cologne: amarni code
Favourite cartoon character: popeye
Color: red
Food: chinese
Ice Cream?: def choc
Shoes: not a luver but kickers
Place to relax: gym crazy i no
Magazine: nuts
Person to hang out with: any of the lads not botherd
Place to go on the weekends: anywhere 4 a sesh init
Thing to wear to bed: boxers but hopefully nowt
Time to shower: morn and afta trainin
TV show: eastenders sad ey
Season: summer
Holiday: tenerife/magaluf
Smell: un burnt blow but dnt smoke the shit
Perfume/cologne: amarni code
Memory: my dad
Book: ?
Thing about the opposite sex: the variety
Cereal: weetabix choc minis

I’m ashamed of this.

DominicX's avatar


Eastenders is my mom’s favorite soap opera.

Also, the number 11 is great. :)

I lol’d at the “book” answer.

allansmithee's avatar

There are many point in what he’s written that are not bad on there own, take for example “Season: summer” it’s the sum of all these answers. It’s as if they’re whole lives are based on attracting the opposite sex and being a so called man.

Do you think this shows clearly what type of people the males in my family are? I’m not trying to be smug and think I’m better than then, it’s just I can’t see eye to eye with them.

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