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music_03's avatar

Do you judge family or friends based on terrible/stupid things they have done?

Asked by music_03 (70points) August 9th, 2009

Everyone makes mistakes, and you cant understand someone until being in there shoes. When people tell you upsetting things they have done, things that are a shocker how do you react? Do you try to understand them, and if so in your mind are you disappointed by there actions? Does this change they way you think of the person or how you look at them? Is it wrong for something like this to break a friendship,relationship, or family? Aren’t real friends supposed to stick with you no matter what?Sorry for all the questions. I am just interested on peoples opinions.

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10 Answers

YARNLADY's avatar

Some people simply can’t handle the truth about the people they call friends, and they are not really friends. If they turn away because of finding out about a past issue, they weren’t really friends. I have met people who have revealed some things in their past, and it doesn’t make a difference to me.

I have revealed some things about my family that might make a fake friend leave, but a real friend wouldn’t.

drdoombot's avatar

It depends on the severity of their mistake. If my friend told me they had beat their girlfriend or raped someone, that would cause a major rift in our friendship. Some mistakes simply go against a person’s moral grain and it’s very difficult to reconcile it.

I find myself disappointed when people don’t meet my expectations, but I view that as my shortcoming, not theirs. Working on having reasonable expectations is something I’m working on.

samanthabarnum's avatar

It depends entirely on the circumstances and the people involved. You’re asking a very involved question that varies widely based on the details, and trying to sum it up is nearly impossible. Such a complex human emotion as judgment is best left to detailed scenarios.

Dog's avatar

No- I try not to judge- and I hope to God that they in turn do not judge me.

Blondesjon's avatar

I’m with @Dog on this one. I’ve done some terrible/stupid things myself.

marinelife's avatar

I have had the experience of having a family member that I thought was an honest, ethical person be caught stealing.

It did impact my feelings about that person in terms of how much I respect them, although I still love them.

Bri_L's avatar

I wouldn’t want to deal with the kind of family or friends that can’t look past mistakes, or think that they have never made them.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I am more wary of the things a person hasn’t grown beyond and repeats rather than what they’ve experienced and learned from.

Jack79's avatar

I do try to understand them, and yes, everybody makes mistakes once in a while. But I have a cousin who typically makes mistakes all the time, as opposed to my sister who knows what she’s doing. They have led almost parallel lives, and I always end up comparing them.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

it depends.
i mean, if we only judged people by the good things they’ve done, we’d be best friends with everyone, no matter how many times they betray us. on the other hand, if we judge only by their behaviour at their worst, we’d never trust a soul.
i basically try to find the middleground. if they’ve done something really terrible, it’s harder for me to look past that – especially if they haven’t shown extreme remorse. if they act like a jerk frequently, i will judge them by that. but if they just occasionally let their bad side get the best of them? it happens.
i try to get their perspective.
it annoys me more when people are overly judgmental than when people behave a little less than acceptable.

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