Am i wrong for wanting to wear a pair of retro Air Jordan no. 11 with my tuxedo to my wedding?

Because weddings are the woman’s perogative. That’s why, traditionally, the bride’s parents pay for the thing. Wear what she wants you to wear, then wear the Jordans on your honeymoon.

Yes. You are wrong. Those shoes do not match a tuxedo.

Ask to pick the music instead. At least the music won’t end up in the pictures.

I wouldn’t let you wear them either! However, it is your wedding, and if it’s really that important to you then perhaps some compromise is called for.

I’m of the mindset that you should be allowed to celebrate your wedding any way you want. My friend is planning hers right now. She’s wearing bright orange shoes, her future husband is wearing a zoot suit, they’re having a pinata and she wants the wedding catered by Qdoba. Not your typical wedding, that’s for sure, but its what they want.

The shoes I want to will match. I know how it goes I was just curious about it. I would mess up her {our} day.

The point of a tuxedo is to be smart with out standing out so that it doesn’t distract peoples attention from what the woman is wearing.

Wow, I must beg to differ here. I think the shoes would not only show your own style, but would speak of your personality too!

It wouldn’t “mess up” the day in any way what-so-ever. And, it would allow you to be “part” of her, ahem your wedding day.

If it’s a formal even it is reasonable for the hosts to dress appropriately.

However, I wonder if your fiancee realizes that in the big picture your shoes really don’t matter, and if your sneakers make you happy it’s not a huge deal. I also wonder why you would chose shoes that make you happy over making your wife-to-be happy.

You’re not wrong, but you have to ask yourself how important this is to you versus how important it is to her. Honestly though, you can take pictures where the shoes don’t show, and no one is going to look at your shoes. Actually, tell her that, everyone will be too busy looking at how beautiful she looks to notice your shoes.

@jayconn6: Wrong. Those shoes do not match just because they are black and white. A Spectator pump is also a black and white shoe but like a sneaker, it is wholly inappropriate to pair with a tuxedo.
If you must, wear crazy boxers instead.

This doesn’t bode well for the future. The two of you need to be able to compromise on much larger things than this in the future, and there will be many times when one of you will need to give in to the desires of the other just because you love them and want them to be happy.

Are you paying for the wedding? If not, then follow the script.

Hey, it’s your wedding day too. I know it’s supposed to be all about the bride, but I think a small thing like the shoes on your own feet should be your decision, as long as they’re not completely ridiculous clown shoes or something.

@efritz – Black and white Air Jordans with a tuxedo are clown shoes.

I’ve known plenty of brides that have walked down the aisle in sneakers because they could “hide them” under the dress.

Your shoes will hardly be the focal point of the wedding.

And, as far as I can tell, it doesn’t matter a whoot who is paying for the occasion as it couldn’t happen without the love and commitment the two of you hold for one another.

I’m guessing with an Air Jordan collection, you are more of a shorts guy than a Tux guy…she should be pleased you didn’t ask to wear break away pants ;)

Do they look like these?

I am concerned about what else that level of rigidity signals. Is she like this about everything? There are lots of fun women who would celebrate your unique sense of style. Are you sure she is the one?

My brother-in-law who is cheap even though he had money bought a really cheap pair of plastic shoes. Instead of going to the barber my husband-to-be recommended, he chose a really cheap haircut too. Those choices did not reflect on us and did not ruin out day.

POLL: How many Flutherites remember what the grooms wore to the last 3 weddings each of you attended?

Whether the shoes match or not is subjective and irrelevant.

I think it’s totally sexist, unfair, and unhelpful for relationships that people think women should pay completely for the wedding and/or get to make all the decisions themselves. It’s a totally skewed way to look at things. If two people are committing the rest of their lives to being partners in a relationship, and the very act of the ceremony reflects one person having all the power and the other person having none, there is a total disconnect. It sets the marriage up to fail, basically. I know a lot of people will disagree with me, but that’s their opinion, and this is mine.

If I were in your shoes (hehe) I would sit my fiancee down and have a serious discussion with them about the meaning of equality and the meaning of partnership. I hope the two of you can come to some mutually agreeable compromise.

@Darwin – that is a matter of opinion :) And I guess the root of this whole thread. . .

@La_chica_gomela GA! I’m the bride that proposed to the groom, and forced him to elope with me in Vegas…so what do I know ;)

@Likeradar
“I also wonder why you would chose shoes that make you happy over making your wife-to-be happy.”

I also wonder why his fiancee would choose shoes (for him) that make her happy over making her husband-to-be happy.

I say wear them!!!! If you love them and something like that would fit your personality, then whats the problem? Not everything has to be super traditional. I would not mind if my groom wanted to wear certain shoes. At least you have an opinion on something having to do with the wedding!

Flashback to 1994. It was the day of the prom. I had done some acid the night before and woke knowing that I didn’t have a suit. I went to Goodwill and got one for six dollars. I had a shirt already so I picked up a gray suit and a green tie. I wore my skate shoes. They were black with a white sole.

Her parents cringed when I picked her up. It was bad. And they were paying for the prom pictures too.

Two things stand out when you look at the pictures. My big ass ears and my shoes.

@SpatzieLover: The last two weddings I went to the groom wore a black tuxedo and black, shiny oxfords. The third one the groom wore well-polished black cowboy boots, a black Stetson with a silver and turquoise band, and a Western Tuxedo.

The wedding before those the groom wore a dove gray tuxedo with gray patent shoes and a pink tie and cummerbund because he loved the bride and wanted her to be happy.

@La_chica_gomela I said that too, before the part you quoted. :) They both should be considering the other person.

@johnpowell but do you look back on that picture and laugh really hard? i would think something like that would suck at the time, with her parents cringing about you and all, but now it could be pretty funny.

@deni :: I look back and regret being to lazy to buy some nice damn shoes. Neither of us really cared that much but her parents did. I was pretty much living at their house. I had a space on the grocery list. I still feel really bad.

I hate seeing the picture. I did just try to find it to post it. But I moved recently and it is sitting in a box somewhere. I’m not sure where it is.

@Darwin Why should she be the only “happy” one?

It’s just a pair of shoes, and they’d make him happy & comfier, while showing off his persona.

Do we really want to see grooms with no personality?

@Likeradar: Sorry, I didn’t mean to mis-represent you! I think I just read what you wrote as having a different meaning from what I wrote. I guess I just feel like even others on this thread who advocate him wearing the shoes don’t seem to share my opinion that they should compromise as equal adults, but that shoes “aren’t a huge deal” or that “no one remembers what the groom wears anyway” like that he can make one decision, but only because it’s a minor decision.

I certainly didn’t mean to distort what you wrote or mischaracterize it. Sorry if I did.

The wedding itself is an expression of decisionmaking and boundaries as a couple, so to the extent that you agree on things, you should be able to wear what you want.

I’m just going to come out and say though that IMHO that’s ghetto.

@SpatzieLover – Because making her happy should also make him happy. If not, then why is he marrying her? The shoes aren’t a big deal either way, so why shouldn’t he make her happy? Besides, he only has to wear them coming down the aisle and for the ceremony and pictures. After that he can switch to his Jordans.

She isn’t here asking the question. He is. If she did come ask I would tell her the same thing. If neither of them is willing to bend, then perhaps they need to reconsider getting married.

@La_chica_gomela No worries. :)

@Darwin I’m all for equality on the wedding day & throughout the marriage.

Equality is fine in its place, but many women dream of their “perfect” wedding day. If he loves her he should let her have this. After all, he won’t have to be pregnant, go through labor, or take a lesser legal role as a result of this ceremony.

This wedding ceremony is really more a stage production than anything else, because once the wedding license is signed legally the two are now one entity. In our society the female and her parents are assigned the roles of director and producers. If he is marrying a woman who was brought up to believe that, how hard is it for him to acquiesce simply because he loves her?

Once they are married he will definitely have more choice in how things are done within their marriage, but even with the “mini-ERAs” her legal role will be somewhat constrained compared to his. For example, unless she argues a lot, his name will always be listed first on vehicle registration, house deeds, and insurance documents. She will be constantly referred to as Mrs. His-Last-Name whether she takes his name or not.

His demand to get to wear Jordans at the wedding is a sign of immaturity. Maybe she needs to know that she is marrying a boy, not a man.

@Darwin That’s a generalization…I was definitely not one of those women, and still am not. (I only like weddings if I’m sure great cake will be provided)

Where did he say he demanded to wear the Jordan’s? He has a collection and wants to incorporate his “like” into the ceremony. How’s that any different than a bride incorporating her fav color? Or a couple incorporating their dog/cat into the ceremony?

Why is his desire immature, but her lack of giving in the typical bride in reaction to “her” wedding day?

@Darwin equality has its place? really? As a woman, I’d be damn offended if a man had made this statement

@SpatzieLover – So you are all for unisex bathrooms and locker rooms?

And as I said, I would advise her to give in also. But she isn’t here to hear that. He is.

It is just a pair of shoes. The fact that they are black and white will be distracting to say the least during the stage performance that is the typical wedding ceremony. The fact that she doesn’t want him to wear them is reality. He can pursue it no matter how she feels, or he can give in and put them back on after the ceremony. If the ceremony didn’t matter then perhaps they should just elope.

And he said “I figure she decided on everything else so why can’t I choose my footwear?” which is a demand and can also be a whine.

@jayconn6 You should wear Air Force Ones and have that song be your first dance. Maybe I’ll do that at my wedding!

Privacy and equality are two different things. I am for equality, am not for an invasion of privacy.

He wants to incorporate his shoes into their big day. Good for him for asking to be a part of his own ceremony.

And good for him if he chooses to please his bride and not wear the shoes.

Or ask her which of her passions she’d like to incorporate. (I love those fun cakes from the Cake Boss or Duff).

If you’re going to wear tennis shoes instead of those horrible hardleather tuxedo shoes, then they need to be all black, so they don’t draw attention.

I am afraid I am going to have disagree with @Darwin, a rare occurrence.

I think indulgence of the bride has gotten totally out of control in our culture to a sense of absolute entitlement. that seems unwarranted and unhealthy.

We paid for our own wedding so that we could have the wedding we wanted.

As far as the shoes go—I think sneakers with a tuxedo are tacky, tacky, tacky.

But I think that the decisionmaking process here is a big red flag. It’s not the bride’s day to dictate to the last detail; it’s the couple’s wedding. They should both get a say. If they can’t figure out how to come to a decision about something like what shoes to wear, how on earth are they going to decide on anything that’s actually important?

it speaks of things to come, my friend…..

What I am trying to say is that both of them need to listen to the other. He should be asking his bride about the shoes and trying to understand why she doesn’t want him to wear them, just as she should be trying to find out why it is so important to him to wear those shoes.

When I married I told my husband he had to wear a pink shirt (as a joke). He said no way. So then I said you don’t really have to, whereupon he said actually he liked pink. End result, we learned something about each other that we have put to great use during our marriage. And he did wear a pink shirt and looked very good in it.

“She won’t let me wear the shoes I want…”

What is she, your mother? I could understand “doesn’t want me too…” “would be upset if I did…” , but “won’t let me…”?

You are a grown man. It’s not just her day. She needs to understand that there is another person getting married as well.