A couples question: do you NEED to be apart from each other to balance out together time?

I rarely do things separately that we could do together. Our time together is pretty precious, so we try to maximize it. That said, I do think that everyone needs some alone time. Sometimes it’s just sitting and reading or surfing the net for an hour. We also have a toddler thought, which means there’s really no such thing as alone time.

My wife is my best friend. Nothing is as fun or as peaceful without her. But, of course we do things on our own.

My wife rarely gets on my nerves.

If you have to go on errands together and do everything together, that’s a bit stifling, no?

@aprilsimnel exactly. that is why I’m staying home and resting, while hubby gets his haircut, oil change, and goes to the hardware store. Its his day off, I work later, and don’t need to be around him constantly. He likes boring stuff.

No, time apart wreaks havoc on our relationship =(
Being together all the time with breaks when we’re both at work works best.

as in ’‘all things,’’ MODERATION!!!
enjoying each others company is vital!...
BUT…i think it is EQUALLY ’‘vital’’ to do things independently as well as collectively!
how about a little… ’‘hey baby, guess what i did today…?’’
instead of… ’‘oh yah, nevermind… you were there.’’
...BRINGING SOMETHING NEW TO THE TABLE!!

@aprilsimnel It’s not a matter of “having” to go on errands together, it’s just that when we can do things together, we generally prefer to. When both people in the couple work at different jobs (sometimes with long hours), have plenty of errands that they do alone just because it’s more practical, and have to juggle getting kid(s) to and from daycare, time together as a couple and time together as a family become rare and valuable. Besides, I got married because I LIKE being with my wife.

I think that time apart help – it keeps the relationship fresh. My wife and I spend a week or so a month apart – thousands of kilometers apart. It keeps us appreciating each other and brings variety into our lives.

@DarkScribe I think some alone time is definitely a good thing, but I can’t imagine spending a week apart a month. I wouldn’t want to be apart from my wife that much. I am spending two weeks without her right now due to work, and I really don’t care for it. Maybe in 20 years we’ll be in a different place, but right now, one week a month apart would be awful.

Yeah, definitley. I love being around the boy, but I sure as hell don’t mind when he has an errand to run or the occasional plan without me.

It gives me time to rejuvenate, and gives us stuff to talk about when we’re back together. I’ve always wondered how those couples who are together all the damn time keep things fresh and interesting. “How was your day?” “Exactly the same as yours.”

After almost 23 years of marriage (and 28 together….) alone/separate/apart/you go your way-I’ll go mine time is VERY important. For instance, we are on vacation together and have been for five days. It is ending and I am looking forward to my space and getting back to work. It’s nice to get away together, but it’s also nice to get back to reality. No one was meant to be together stucklikeglue 24/7. We definitely need our own things to do.

I think alone time is important, to pursue your separate passions, to keep your own identity. It’s nice to spend lots of time together, but not every minute possible. At least for me that’s how it is, I want time to do things he isn’t interested in, and then when we’re together I can focus on him more effectively.

I like being near my wife, although not necessarily talking to her. I don’t always want to accompany her to do the things she thinks are important, nor does she want to accompany me to do the things I think are important. It is similarly unnecessary for us both to do the same chores.

She doesn’t like being near me when I’m watching TV or on the internet, but she does like being near me when I’m reading. I don’t care what she’s doing, so long as she’s near. For me, being in the same house is near. For her, touching is near.

I like doing things with her when we are doing active things, like going out to be entertained or to be with friends or to do something. I don’t always look forward to spending time with her where we are just talking. I do like being with her when we are being physical.

I guess it depends on your particular relationship. Personally I think distance makes you accustomed to being apart. My husband travelled for business a lot our first 6 or 7 years of marriage and at one point he lived for 9 months as an expat in Colombia (we saw each other for long weekends every 3 to 4 weeks). Then he changed to a job that had very little travel, and it has been that way for the last 10 years. I love being together all of the time. When he used to travel a lot, there was always an adjustment time of a day or two when he first got back that was tense and frustrating.

Life gives two people who work plenty of apart time. Without that, I might well need to seek some. Everyone needs time alone and no one can handle constant togetherness even with an SO.

It probably varies by relationship, but I know from experience that trying to be together constantly and doing everything together makes me feel stifled.

I’ve always been a couple and pretty much done everything together, enjoyably- mundane things like laundry, groceries, grooming were no big deal and kind of neat to do with someone you love. Nothing makes cleaning bathrooms, kitchens and floor fun though. Really though, since I’ve been single/seeing people but not living with them, I’ve noticed the need for alone time because I’ve not felt comfortable or secure enough in the involvements to do particular things together without them feeling like an intrusion, the very things like suggest grocery shopping, run errands or hang out with mutual friends for dinners or outings even though I feel we’d all have a great time. Anymore I figure “whatever works, works” and things will evolve at their own pace.