Social Question

broncosgirl's avatar

For those who have loved more than once, how was is different the second time?

Asked by broncosgirl (712points) October 19th, 2009

I am just curious about this one. If you have loved someone who you considered “the love of your life”, and it didn’t work, how was it different when you loved someone else? Were you able to love as deeply and as passionately, or did your experiences “mature” the way you love someone? Did the way you loved one particular person change the way you were able to love other people? Thoughts?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

14 Answers

poofandmook's avatar

I was in love with a guy named Keith. I thought he was the love of my life. He was my best friend, and I chased him for 3 years before he finally fell in love with me. About 6 months after that, I fell out of love with him and was infatuated, but I couldn’t tell the difference… we were together 5 years. You do the math.

After that, I was in love with a guy named Brad. I thought, “okay, now THIS is love.” I lost my job three months after we were together, and I don’t know if depression did it or what, but it seems like just at the point where we were going to be comfortable together and settle into that typical couple routine, my life got turned on its side and the transition of the relationship couldn’t survive the transition of my life. Kept telling myself I loved him though. We were together 2½ years total. Do the math. Are we seeing a pattern?

This time though… this time I can say with 100% certainty that it is DIFFERENT. I am in love. I am not infatuated, obsessed, or clingy because of low self esteem. This really, for the first time, feels like the one. I can’t describe the difference… I wish I could, since I’m not really answering your question. There is a passion here that didn’t exist in either of the other two relationships. There is a trust, an understanding… a deep, intense need for eachother’s love.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

I don’t believe that you can truly be in love with someone unless you love them more than you loved everyone else before them. If you loved them less, it wouldn’t seem like you were in love- it would seem like you were almost in love or felt strongly about them, because you’d have something better to compare it to. Basically, each time you love is the only time you have ever really loved.

HGl3ee's avatar

I have loved once before my true-love. I was convinced that he was “it” and that we we’re going to spend forever together. It was very possible and we would likely still be together had he not cheated on me. (after 3 years)

This crushing blow to my world was painful for awhile, I dated a few random men for shorter periods of time and was more antsy about finding that certain someone again.

I found that with each “love” or relationship that didn’t work I took from it lessons learned and with each man I came closer to knowing who “he” was.

I have always loved with all my heart and never held back because I never knew when it would be the “one”. Now, I have found him in all of his perfect-ness (to me) and I could never be happier. It’s a feeling of being more then you could have ever though possible when you were alone. My goodness I love him so much <3 I need to go call him now and tell him that ^_^

Thanks for making me think about this all over again! It was such a refreshing moment in a dull day! <3 – LB

Note: I’m not sure if this was the kind of response you were looking for. When it comes to love and loving him I tend to babble ;)

jamielynn2328's avatar

I have been in love four times, and each love was different. The first time I was in love I was sixteen, and the world looked so much cleaner to me then. Fresher and optimistic. He broke my heart after 18 months and I became a bit less trusting.

The second time, it took me longer to fall in love. We were together for a long time, and just didn’t work out in the long run.

The third time was passionate and quick. I thought he was soul mate because I had never fallen so hard before. The first date we had, I knew. But I fell out of love almost as quickly as I fell in. It only lasted 5 months.

And the last time, my husband, was slower. I took the time to get to know him before making any assumptions about my feelings and the future.

Love is impossible to measure. I loved them all so differently. With each relationship, knowledge is gained. I think that you learn what you don’t want rather than what you do, and you just move forward.

broncosgirl's avatar

@ElleBee its always refreshing to read about someone you can tell is smiling from ear to ear when they are writing about the person they love. Or, at least it gives me a smile too :)

HGl3ee's avatar

@broncosgirl thanks so much for your kind comment <3 I am still smiling from ear to ear. He makes me so incredibly happy ^_^

and thank you for making me think about all this warm-fuzzy stuff all over again! Happy day! – LB

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

The first love was a kind of training ground for me, I’d had no guidance about relationships or ever been exposed to a loving couple to witness how they handle challenges and hardships so my first love bore the brunt of my passion and also fury. The second love was benefit to some patience and maturity but not enough and so I had to hit with my third love in order to realize all the best of what I was capable of sharing and also accepting from another person.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

The first love I had was fleeting…the second was exciting, first marriage…I grew up he didn’t, we’re divorced…the third love was a woman, it’s how I knew I could love people of any gender, it was passionate and I still do love her but she wanted me all to herself and I was attached…since then I have loved twice more…my current partner, a love deeper and truer than anything I’ve ever felt and for my last ex, a love certainly passionate and painful but it choked me and I cut him off…again, I still love him but we’re not together

augustlan's avatar

My first love was madly, deeply passionate. It was also, in hindsight, patently ridiculous. My second love was a more mature love. Stable and strong, and we were together for 20 years (married for 17) before deciding to part ways. My third love came out of left field, and felt absolutely right from the very beginning, in a way that had never happened to me before. He is certainly not the perfect man, but he is the perfect man for me. I tried really hard not to, but I married him. :)

filmfann's avatar

My first love was all consuming.
Each time I have fallen in love since, it was less powerful than the time before.
The heart scars.

broncosgirl's avatar

@filmfann that’s how I feel too

wundayatta's avatar

I have had several intense loves. The difference between the first time and subsequent times is that I knew what to expect. I knew about the high of falling in love (which did not seem to diminish), and I knew about the low of breaking up (which did get a little shorter in duration).

Still, every time, it swept me up like a raging river after a storm. It happens so fast for me. I think that I throw myself into it, because the river gives me a ride I can not resist. It’s a ride I hope will never end, but it can’t stay such a wild thing forever. Eventually it comes to a broad plain, and the river slows down and calms down.

I have been content to float on that river for years. And then something happened to my brain, and I needed to plunge down the wild river over and over again. Or rather, when I had an opportunity for that ride, I did not seem to be able to say no. I’m still not sure what that’s all about.

YARNLADY's avatar

I think the best way to explain it is similar to how different the love you had for your Dad is different than the love you had for your Mom. They are two different people, and you adjust.
I lost my first two husbands, and have been married to my third for the past 35 years, so it’s been a long time since I had to do any adjusting.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther