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anicole12's avatar

How To Work on Self-Improvement, and Ignore Those Who Try To Put You Down?

Asked by anicole12 (14points) November 4th, 2009

I’ve always been a level headed girl. I have also been known as a “good girl” a majority of my life. Not too long ago, I made some bad decisions. I began hanging out with the wrong types of people, and doing things that I knew were wrong, but it made me feel good to finally be noticed for more than just a well-behaved pretty girl. It felt good to hear people talk about me, even if it wasn’t good things they were talking about. I lost many friends along the way, and didn’t realize that until recently.. I have some good friends in my life right now, who have really helped me through some of the toughest times in life. There was an event that happened recently, which i’d prefer to leave off of the internet, but long story short it was a huge mistake. It was then when I had a “breakthrough” so to speak.. I realized that the reason i’d been feeling so empty inside is because i’m not by any means happy with the way people view me now. I hate that people think i’m a slut who just whores around with guys and parties all the time, because that’s not me at all. My close friends see it, but no one in my school seems to get it. People talk about me on a regular basis, and I always hear about it. People even go so far as to post terrible things about me online.. It’s getting to be really hard on me. There are people who act like my friend when I know they really just talk about me as soon as I can no longer hear them.. I’ve tried to accept it, and just be the bigger person and move on with life, but their childish ways really bring me down ):
I have really been trying to become a better person lately, and i have been succeeding with help from my friends. It hasn’t been long enough for people to notice my efforts.. I’ve had some people tell me that they really respect me for it, but I can tell they’re just being fake. This is all for me though. I’m not changing to please anyone but myself.. So I guess what my question comes down to, is what are some good ways to focus on my goal, and not let people hinder the progress i’ve made? I don’t want to go back to my old ways, at all. But people are really making it harder for me. Some days I just want to give up and go back to being my old self. Because I feel like it’s not going to change anything, anyway. I feel like no matter what I do, I will still get crap from people for it.. I don’t know I guess i’m just looking for some friendly advice.

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6 Answers

marinelife's avatar

First, you have taken a tough road in the process of finding yourself and maturing. Your original good girl, go along girl did not feel true to you so your rebelled.

In the process, your discovered that all actions have consequences. You also found out who you did not want to be. Very valuable information.

Now, as you continue on the path to discovering who you are, what you believe is right, and what being you means in the world, there are a few things that can help you stay true to yourself.

1. Be proud of where you are now, even if in hindsight you might not have chosen how you got there.

2. Remember that only one opinion about you is really important: yours. If you feel good about who you are and where you are in life, no one can take that away from you. Ignore what others say. They will either come around or they won’t.

3. Carving a new path through the jungle of life is much harder than walking down the old broad path. Thus, the temptation to slip back. When that happens, tell yourself, “Iou have done it, so you know I can do it at least one more day”. Tell yourself that you are worth it.

Congratulations on how far you have come so far. Keep going! I think you are worth it too!

wundayatta's avatar

You won’t always be in high school, either. There won’t be so much drama after high school. Things will calm down; especially if you go to college or get out of town for another reason.

Focus on your self-improvement, and trust that eventually it will count. Maybe not to your current circle of friends, but to other people. Years down the road, you will look back and realize this was not as important as it seems now

aprilsimnel's avatar

You are learning that it’s OK to make mistakes, that it’s not the end of the world when you do something wrong, and more importantly, that no matter what anyone thinks or says, only you have the right to decide what you’ll do for yourself. That you are responsible for you, and – only you are responsible for you and your physical and emotional well-being. You have a lot of power.

So when the naysayers and the fakes simper in your face and say what they say, you can ignore them, because they don’t know you and they don’t care. In its way, that’s freeing; it frees up your head space from being in any way concerned abut what they think. Because they don’t know.

Take care. Hold your head up. Keep going. It’s all part of the journey. :D

ninjacolin's avatar

depending on the individual, you can try being honest and straight-up (in private though, not publicly. and not to anyone who you think will try to harm you): “I get you as a human and i can understand generally why you have the opinions that you do.. but I honestly find your negativity painful and I can’t help but hold it against you every time. Can you be more positive per day? It will really help me to appreciate you more rather than less.”

scamp's avatar

I have recommended a book to several people, and I think you could greatly benefit from it. It is titled Pulling Your Own Strings by Dr. Wayne Dyer It will teach you how to effectively be your own person despite what others opinons of you may be. It can give you some excellent tools for your current situation.

Hold you head up high and be proud of who you are honey. If someone doesn’t like what you do or who you are, it’s their loss.. fuck ‘em!

THEDELLS's avatar

First good for you for making the necessary changes in your life. Secondly, You will have little choice but to ignore those that run their mouth but having said that realize one thing. There is nothing they would enjoy more than to see you fail and give them more to talk about.
P.S. If the online behavior is extremely inappropriate and crosses the line-Report it or them to an adult who can address it through the school. More and more schools are taking it seriously.

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