Why would casual sex be bad?

Because sex is so important to human life, we began to attatch special meaning to it. There are psychological issues with sex that can’t be covered in a quick answer. (if you are really curious, wikipedia is your friend)

because of these issues and others such as religion, sex is much much more than just a penis entering a vagina.

Not to mention all the chemical reactions that go on in the brain during intercourse.

They can be bad emotionally, especially if it’s within a relatively small group of people. I go to a small college, and word spreads. My friend once listed all these girls that the people she has slept with have also slept with. I wouldn’t like that.

Here is my typical one night stand:
I sing in an a cappella group. We have shows and invite other college a cappella groups. We host an after-party and invite the groups to spend the night. Since they have to sleep somewhere, I invite one back to “be accomodated” with me. I know these boys and I have one thing in common, singing, which is a decent basis. I spend the whole show and after party talking to people, so although whoever I bring home is still someone I don’t know well, I make sure to get to know him a little. I then progress with the one night stand, but I always have a really nice time. I like talking to him in bed afterwards, and it’s nice to wake up next to someone. I walk him back in the morning to meet up with the other members of his group, never to see him again.

I always send them a facebook message the next day saying I had a nice time. A few cute messages are exchanged, and that’s it. I love these nights; they’re not with someone I’m going to run into and have it be awkward, and they’re forced to stay the night so I get someone to cuddle with.

Uhoh. JP is writing… I’m in trouble now. D:

@sliceswiththings ; but how is that emotionally damaging if you’re in a small group? just the gossip?

a one night stand doesn’t sound much like a bad thing initially. But for some people, me included, I always felt empty and used afterward. I’ve had… four one-night stands in my life. I felt like absolute dirt after every single one. It took the fourth one, which ended up being a one-night stand under the pretense of being a possible relationship, to make me realize I wasn’t cut out for casual sex. For some people, it works great. Others, like me, need love.

It’s not bad if the two people involved are on the same page. If there is no emotional attachment and both people are doing it in a responsible way then it’s totally their business. I don’t judge people who just want to have sex so long as they don’t start any drama.

It is usually the bad breath that makes it bad.

I watched a mother hold her son while he died. He got HIV from a blood transfusion. He was around 8 when he got it and about 17 when he died.

Fuck you Ronald Reagan and your insistance that it is a “fag” thing. Kids that got bad blood died from your ignorance.

I’m confused now.

@troubleinharlem Yeah, just gossip and it can be tricky running into that person, if it’s not someone you see on a regular basis. I always get a little attached, so I prefer to not see the person, unless it’s a friend.

One night stands can be very expensive.

It’s not “bad”, but it is potentially dangerous (making yourself vulnerable to a stranger), high risk (unknown sexual history), and ultimately unsatisfying.

Casual sex would be bad for any number of reasons, but it doesn’t have to be. If you use proper precautions, and you are an adult, meaning, you can handle sexual relations, have fun with it! You only live once!

People follow their feelings on these issues. I used to have one night stands, and now I regret it. If I were advising my child, I would say I think it’s far better to wait until you know and care for someone.

That having been said, you are not my child, and I wouldn’t presume to tell you what to do. Some people seem to be OK with it, but my prejudice is that having a lot of one-night stands might indicate a problem.

It’s all I ever thought of up until I was in my first serious relationship. Its all I wanted after the divorce. It’s been many moons since, and now I can’t even think of it in a positive sense. I love women, making love to women and everything about it in a relationship: one night stands seem so, well, empty and lonely.

When I was a teenager my mother shared with me two rules she had made for herself about sex:

!. She would never do anything she was uncomfortable with.
2. She would never do anything with anyone who didn’t like her for herself.

My mother is an amazingly liberal woman and when I’ve honored these rules, I haven’t messed myself up too much. Other times, I’ve felt used. Although my sons are “sons,” I’ve shared these rules with them too.

As long as you can separate your emotions from sex, I don’t see a problem. It’s just not everyone’s cup of tea.

I won’t go into the moral implications of casual sex since that really does depend on your personal belief system and what you consider right or wrong. Instead i’ll take your question at face value and veer of the set course for a second. Casual sex can be bad because some people are just bad lovers. Some people are selfish lovers who are only interested in their own gratification without regard to their partner’s enjoyment, fulfillment or satisfaction. Then there is of course the question of energy, stamina and general sensitivity. All in all i think any sexual experience can be enhanced (beside the obvious addition of actual feelings for the person) by practicing a bit of generosity. If you focus on pleasing your lover the favor (in most cases) will be returned and create an overal more satisfying sexual experience for all those involved.

I wouldn’t say it’s ‘bad’ exactly. It was ok for a while, when I was younger, but it gets old and hollow real quick.

I would take them all back if I could. They didn’t mean anything and I didn’t get anything from them really. That’s why they were one nighters- they were not worth more.

My only instance of casual sex I consider “bad” was with a guy who had a girlfriend….who turned out to be pregnant (although he didn’t know at the time).

It is bad. You can get addicted to anything that raises endorphin levels in the brain. (Sex, gambling, stealing, drugs)

It is so bad, that in fact there is something called sex addicts anonymous. When you get addicted to sex it becomes impossible to be in a relationship, because one person becomes boring. You seek out new experiences. It is actually quite a terrifying concept.

@mowens: I just saw a commercial for a daytime talk show that will soon be doing a segment on sex addiction. For the life of me, I can’t remember which. I want to say Oprah, but she just did one on porn, so I don’t think it’d be her. Damn!

@poofandmook The majority of my gay friends are sexually addicted. They admit it, but don’t care.I don’t know about the rest of the world, but here… it is pretty bad. There are extensive books on the subject.

I mean think about it… we’re all guys… there are no girls to say they aren’t in the mood. :)

@mowens: yeep!

@mowens That’s always been my theory on why the gay stereotype is lots of casual sex. And we wonder why we can’t settle down. :P

I would think that gays would be less so… There’s a bigger risk, isn’t there?

I always wished sex was easily available to me. It wasn’t. Or, I felt like it wasn’t, so that was the case. Maybe if I’d had more confidence, things would have been easier. But I didn’t, so it wasn’t easy.

So, as a result, I got this idea that sex would only take place within the context of a relationship. Of course, that didn’t help, either. I had a number of relationships (I was 18 by this time), and no sex.

Eventually, I did lose my virginity, together with my heart (although not in that order). I seem to recall that I might have had one one-night stand since then, but for all the rest, it was sex in the context of serious feelings. In fact, I was so set on that, that I turned down several opportunities for sex because the people just wanted to have it be for fun. I’ve never really understood that.

I would never think someone was immoral for having casual sex. I might think they are missing something important, but I have no problems with people having a lot of sex. I wish I had had more sex growing up. I don’t actually think there’s been a time in my life when I’ve had enough sex, but that’s how it is. I prefer my sex with acknowledgment that it is a serious, maybe even sacred thing (sacred how I mean it, not as a religious term). Other people, I’m certain, are different.

I personally don’t think it is bad and it is one’s own personal choice. The reason people think it is bad is they put a lot into it, and the emotional connection that is associated with sex.

It can lead to lowered self-esteem. But then it can not.

It can lead to diseases. But then it can not.

It can lead to feeling empty and used. But then it can not.

It can make you go to hell. But then it can not.

It can be dangerous. But then it can not.

It can lead to screwed up views of relationships. But then…

Basically for everything you can say against it, it doesn’t work that way for some people. Some people find negative things in one night stands, some people don’t. It all depends on the person, their views of sex, their needs (someone who isn’t at a point where they can be in/start a relationship), and their expectations. And probably some other factors that I’m not thinking of that are just as relevant to how a person views/deals with one night stands.

I’m not sure how old you are, but you could test the water by casual making out. In high school I started randomly making out with people (usually after a few drinks), and it taught me how to go about a future of casual sex. I liked making out with people (it was an ego boost) and now I like casual sex. However I got in trouble making out with people: one guy was really into me and kissing him obviously led him on, I made out with my friend’s crush, she found out, got super mad, etc. So now I avoid casual hookups with guys who I think like me or who friends are into, from the lessons I learned then.

Well, we all agree on the facts. But I’m not at all sure we agree on the story. There’s more than one way to cut this.

methinks the lady doth protest too much

Does this look like @daloon is sitting on my face?

On your head… But not your face.

This is what you’d look like if he’d already sat on your face.

Casual sex is dangerous for a few reasons.
1. Disease
2. Unplanned parenthood (no pun intended)
3. The destruction of the sanctity of sex
4. Feelings of inadequacy (e.g. if your partner had slept with so many women/men that you were nothing special.. just another lay)
5. The lack of self discipline.. (I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who had a great many sexual partners.. not because of disease or feelings of inadequacy but because I, personally, feel that they are weak or insatiable.. I would prefer someone who has the wisdom to hold off on the promiscuity.)
6. Sigh.. I could go on.

@NaturalMineralWater What makes sex special isn’t the sex, its the relationship. If you’re in a relationship, its unlikely that you’re “just another lay.”

@avvooooooo refering to your previous post, I don’t theenk so

@avvooooooo Sex has been known…. probably since the beginning of friggin time to strengthen a relationship. Why strengthen a relationship you have no intention of continuing? Why invoke feelings you aren’t going to pursue? I’ll tell you why.. because of the lack of self discipline.. it feels good. Well, contrary to popular belief… not everything that feels good is good for you. Just ask the person who eats too much candy on that one.

Casual sex desensitizes your mind to something that could be so much more special if limited to someone significant.

@NaturalMineralWater Sex has been known, since the beginning of time, as a way to procreate. Then it became recreational. It is entirely possible, and has been since the beginning of time, to have sex without having a relationship. Its entirely possible, and has been since the beginning of time, to have sex without having emotions attached.

Not every one night stand is a part of a “relationship.” The vast majority of them aren’t.

There are people who have had tons of sex when they weren’t ready for relationships that settle down to perfectly good and satisfying relationships when the time/person is right. They aren’t scarred for life by their lack of self-control or whatever. People don’t become indifferent to the possibilities of sex just because they’ve had it with different people. That’s simply not what happens.

I have a feeling that the reason you’re so stuck on your views on this is because you aren’t experienced and don’t know much at all about the differences and possibilities. You know what you know as per your experience and that’s all you know. There are differences and possibilities, even if you can’t see them. People, in general, are not “desensitized,” scarred, screwed up, or whatever else you want to attribute to casual sex. As a matter of fact, they probably know better what a good thing is when they have it, both in a relationship and in sex.

@avvooooooo I couldn’t disagree more. Being that I’m a bible man (waits for a volley of shoes to come flying at his face), I know that the bible speaks explicitly about sex being a joyous, wonderful thing.. and the procreation part stemmed from a woman being friggin cursed. You’ve got it completely backwards imho on that first part.

Sex without emotions? Fat chance. That’s not even scientifically plausible.
I realize that one night stands aren’t relationships.. that was my point.

I can see we’re just not going to see eye to eye on this one. So.. you know.. I guess.. whatever floats your boat. That’s cool with me. Just don’t ask me out on a date. LOL (yeah i know.. preposterous ain’t it?)

Many people who condemn drinking have never had a drink.

Many people who condemn smoking have never smoked.

Many people who condemn lots of things have never tried them and predcit dire consequences because of fear and ignorance.

@avvooooooo I am not “many people”. If you’ve followed anything I’ve done on fluther you know that much.

I’ve drank. (I realize it would be better if I didn’t)
I’m still trying to quit smoking (I realize it would be better if I didn’t)
For the sake of brevity.. I’ve done lots of things that I now realize I shouldn’t have.. so it’s not a prediction of dire consequences… it’s a testimony of dire consequences…. at least in my case.

@NaturalMineralWater Sex without emotions is not only scientifically plausible, its a fact. You can have sex without becoming emotionally involved. It takes a certain degree of either emotional maturity or emotional immaturity (both can lead to sex without emotional involvement), but it happens all the time. Some people (immature) simply don’t care. Others (mature) know enough to not get involved if sex is all they’re looking for at that point in their lives. If people enter into a one night stand with the intention of it being a one night stand, they can certainly keep their emotions out of the sexual act. Sure, “pleasure” is an emotion that’s present, but I’m speaking of the so-called “higher” emotions that have to do with our intellectual needs and not our physical ones.

Sex is a wonderful thing. Which is why we’re geared to enjoy it. Its the morals imposed on us by society that suggest that casual sex (for women more than men) is a horrendous thing. The simple fact is that its over-hyped in a negative way. Mostly because of religious propaganda that seeks to restrict because it can.

I get the feeling that we’re all trying to justify our own choices.

@avvooooooo ”You can have sex without becoming emotionally involved”

Sure you can. But why would you want to? I’m with @NaturalMineralWater on this one. There are emotions whether you are aware you are stuffing them down or not. Fully realized emotions, however, are what are most powerful. Sex without such emotions is a sham, and while you may think it makes you feel better, I suspect that it makes you feel worse.

I don’t think sex can be mere recreation. I mean, if you’re at some club fucking strangers… [shudder]... there’s just got to be something missing in your psyche. I just don’t understand how you could dehumanize yourself and others enough to have just recreational sex, unless there are a whole lot of other psychological problems you haven’t dealt with. And insofar as I can recall, I haven’t seen one person here who claimed to do this who didn’t also tell a very sad story about how little love they had in their lives. Could the two be unrelated to each other? I don’t think so.

D: I didn’t want to start an argument…

@daloon It’s true, we’re justifying our own choices. And it makes perfect sense that we disagree with someone with a completely different mindset from our own. What makes perfect sense to one doesn’t make a lick of sense to the other. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure and all that.

What it boils down to, though, is that there must be some limit to our differences. We all agree murder is wrong. We all agree rape is wrong. We all agree pedophilia is wrong. At some base level, our moral compasses ring similar and true. It’s when someone walks by a magnet that things go askew. A magnet could be any number of vastly diverse psychological elements including childhood experiences, personality, intellect, wisdom, etc etc etc.

Humans really are fascinating creatures.

@daloon “I haven’t seen one person here who claimed to do this who didn’t also tell a very sad story about how little love they had in their lives.”

Nor have I. But these people exist. Maybe not on here, but out in the world doing their thing. Ascribing psychological problems to people who make honest decisions about sex doesn’t fly for me. Yes, promiscuity can be a symptom of something bigger, but it can also not be a sign of something wrong. There is nothing dehumanizing in two adults consenting to have a mutually enjoyable time together with no attachments participating in an activity whether it be scrabble or sex.

@daloon @NaturalMineralWater
There is nothing psychologically wrong with all people who enjoy sex whether it be in a relationship or out of one. If you want to try and foist it off on psychology, you might want to try it with someone less acquainted with the subject.

@avvooooooo I didn’t say anything about one side or the other being damaged psychologically. I was merely commenting on how fascinating human beings are.. and what they become based on a combination of so many stimuli.

As I said before… whatever floats your boat. I don’t hate you.

@NaturalMineralWater Are you seriously trying to say that you didn’t just imply with “askew” that people become damaged/wrong/whatever?

@avvooooooo I can see the relationship between askew and damaged.. but what I did not say is that askew=promiscuity. Sorry if it seemed implied. It really wasn’t. I’m batting a thousand tonight with the misunderstandings. Perhaps I need to go to an Italian fluther sight where I can use my native tongue and be understood better.. XD

@daloon “But why would you want to?” Because it’s fun! It feels good. I never feel better than the day after I’ve had sex. For me it isn’t just the sex that’s satisfying, it’s the whole bodies together part, the kissing, the being that close to someone. It acts like a long fantastic hug in terms of improving a mood to me.

Having sex in a relationship would be great, but not everyone is lucky enough to be in a relationship. In the meantime, why should I deny myself all the positive feelings that come with sex?

Make sense why someone would want to?
Casual sex is not always “fucking strangers in a club.” I don’t do that.

“Casual sex is not always “fucking strangers in a club.” I don’t do that.”

Any more than one time and it’s a relationship? So we’re good on the stranger part right? So it might not be in a club.. ok.. ? So the park.. or the car.. or the.. doesn’t matter… lol

@NaturalMineralWater When did I imply that I think any more than one time is a relationship? Not sure if I follow you…if it’s in the car it’s probably not a stranger, unless you’re a bus driver.

@sliceswiththings Brava.

@avvooooooo [Takes a bow.]

@sliceswiththings What I’m saying is that if you sleep with someone more than once it is a relationship… if we can’t agree on at least that than we’re just going to spin our wheels here. Personally I think it’s a relationship after just once.. albeit a remarkably short one.. a relationship nevertheless.

@NaturalMineralWater Does it count as a relationship even if the two people don’t know each other’s last names and never talk again? Do they become exes?

@sliceswiththings Names don’t dictate relationships. If I pass you on the street and simply say hello.. we’ve had a relationship. No, we didn’t date or become friends.. but there was an interaction that could easily be thought of as a relationship of sorts.

I think for our purposes here people are using “relationship” as a long-term romantic relationship. With this discrepancy I do not understand your earlier comment.

@sliceswiththings Even if it’s not a relationship (even though it somehow became cliche a while back to say people were having “relations”), there are emotions involved. If not, than .. I don’t know… robot?

@NaturalMineralWater I am not arguing that emotions are not involved.

@sliceswiththings Well the very definition of the word “relationship” says yes.. one time, two times, half a time.. it’s a relationship. I’m only saying that it’s a bit ridiculous to think that “meaningless sex” is as meaningless as some would have you believe.

@NaturalMineralWater Your definition of “relationship” is ridiculous. And your refusal to consider that people might see things differently than you do, that they might have different experiences, is more so.

@avvooooooo I agree, a relationship should be a lot more than just sex. It should be sharing things with each other, opinions, feelings, love, friendship, and more including sex. It is definitely possible to have meaningless sex if both people agree that is all that it is.

@avvooooooo It’s not my definition. It’s the definition. And.. I guess you haven’t been reading what I’ve been typing… if you think I refuse to consider others thoughts… let me see… did you not read this part? “It’s true, we’re justifying our own choices. And it makes perfect sense that we disagree with someone with a completely different mindset from our own. ”

@NaturalMineralWater The technicalities of the word don’t really matter. Your use of it in this context is what is ridiculous. When people seek relationship advice on Fluther, do you think they are looking for advice on smiling at random strangers they pass on the street?

@NaturalMineralWater Hmm consider others’ thoughts… “I’m only saying that it’s a bit ridiculous to think that “meaningless sex” is as meaningless as some would have you believe.”

“Some would have you believe?” So now we’re being brainwashed?

Do really think that all rules of intimacy apply to everyone the same way? Are you trying to talk me out of partaking in casual sex because you aren’t a fan of it?

@sliceswiththings Holy hell.. for Pete’s sake let it go.

@sliceswiththings Of course. What else?

@NaturalMineralWater Can you please specify what I should let go? There’s been a lot brought to the table.

@sliceswiththings The fact that we’re dirty sluts, of course.

Aha. The irony of this is that I could have been having casual sex this whole time, but I couldn’t seem to pull myself away.

@sliceswiththings Oh yeah. Let’s both go find some strangers to screw. :P

@sliceswiththings That’s it. We’re over. I’m breaking up with you. j/k

@avvooooooo Don’t forget to wrap the meat, perchance you gain an unhappy treat. It’s a nice poem. I wrote it. I will make millions.

@NaturalMineralWater Oh right, I forgot that having NEVER MET doesn’t mean we can’t be in a relationship and thus in a position to break up in your book. Ohhhhhh!!!!!!!

[Goes to @avvooooooo for high five]

@sliceswiththings mmm k?

Do you really want to accidentally create a child with a stranger you’ll never see again?

Aaaaaand we’re back.
Nope! That’s why I’m careful. On the pill AND condoms, baby.

There’s this thing called common sense that some people have. Which causes them to have other things which cause some things not to happen while some unforeseeable things happen anyway which they then learn from and add to their common sense pile so that they are better prepared for next time unless, of course, something else unforeseeable happens in which case they learn from that and move onward while adding to their common sense pile all the while and learning to do things that keep some things from happening while allowing other things to happen while also being prepared for foreseeable and some unforeseeable eventualities.

@sliceswiththings Hopefully you weren’t responding to me. haha.
I was responding to the person that asked the question—also, my best friend was a “condoms and birth control” baby. That one percent is random! You’ll never know.

One percent is with 100% proper usage. Which rarely happens.

rarely, but it does happen.

Considering how few people know even proper condom application, as well as the number of people who know the exact way to properly use chemical birth control… It hardly ever happens. Then again, there are people who take the time to learn and do properly… That 1% doesn’t come into play too often.

rarely, but it does happen.. :)

@pinkparaluies I was talking to you. Do you live your whole life with the “rarelies” in mind? It’s rare (well, not, bad example) that people fall down the stairs…are you going to avoid all stairs?

… geez.

@troubleinharlem agreed

I didn’t want feelings hurt or anything…

@troubleinharlem I doubt anyone’s feelings were hurt, Love <3. Some people just enjoy debate. Good question, though! Different strokes for different folks. :)

Think so? It seemed like it got really personal in there. I tend to take things personally, though, which is probably why I think other people do too.
that made no sense.

@troubleinharlem unfollowing discussion and taking this to comments.. :P

@troubleinharlem There is a higher risk BECAUSE we are all over the place.

One friend of mine thinks he is immune to it, because he’s had over 500 sexual partners this year already, and hasn’t contracted HIV. He’s actually very intelligent other then that statement, believe it or not.

@avvooooooo ”Yes, promiscuity can be a symptom of something bigger, but it can also not be a sign of something wrong.”

You may well be right. I doubt it, though.

@daloon “But why would you want to?”
@sliceswiththings ”Because it’s fun! It feels good. I never feel better than the day after I’ve had sex. For me it isn’t just the sex that’s satisfying, it’s the whole bodies together part, the kissing, the being that close to someone. It acts like a long fantastic hug in terms of improving a mood to me.”

”Having sex in a relationship would be great, but not everyone is lucky enough to be in a relationship. In the meantime, why should I deny myself all the positive feelings that come with sex?”

”Make sense why someone would want to?”

Sure. It makes sense. I’m not making any moral judgment about it. I’m not even trying to stop anyone from doing it. I mean, I’ve used sex in exactly the same way. I’ve used it to improve my mood. I’ve used it to keep me from committing suicide. I would do it again, if I needed to.

In your case, I think you understand how you are using it, and that you would prefer not to have to use it that way. I know other people here who are doing the same thing, who would much prefer to be in a longer term relationship.

Unfortunately, I think there are a lot of people who don’t understand. They think sex is just sex. They are unaware that they are filling a hole in themselves in an attempt to make themselves whole. They don’t even believe a relationship is better.

It is these people that I worry about. I think they are missing the point. I think they may even never have known there is a point, other than fun. Or maybe conquest.

I could well be projecting again. I know that I crave love, and that I experience love through sex. I am not in a position to engage in casual sex, but if I were, I would always be trying to establish a deeper relationship with someone I wanted to fuck. I’m sure I would fail sometimes. Anyway, I know that, for me, desire for a lot of sex and the need to fall in love are symptoms of my mental illness. I know that many people who share my disorder also use sex the same way.

I also know that sex doesn’t elevate my mood for very long. Maybe a day; maybe two. Then I need another fix. Drives my wife crazy, since she’s not into it so much. Like I say, maybe I’m projecting. But I wouldn’t be at all surprised if other people use sex in the same way, whether they have a mood disorder, or not. And if that’s the case, then maybe they also would benefit from some work building their own self esteem, and learning to love themselves. I say “also” but I have yet to achieve that state of affairs. I have a small bit of faith that if I do learn to love myself, that sex will no longer be nearly as important to me.

I could be wrong.

@daloon ; that’s the longest response i’ve ever seen. But love for admitting that you could be wrong!

@troubleinharlem Sorry for all the debate, it shows it’s a great question!

@daloon You’re projecting.

There are some people for whom a relationship is better, there are some for whom it it not. People who know they don’t have time for a relationship at that point in their lives, people who plan to move shortly, and lots of other people can seek sex in their current environment without losing a sense of what a relationship is and how it can be better. Some people even want a relationship, but know they’re not in a place to start one. Sometimes all people want and need, and find a partner who wants the same, is to get laid. There are people who get one good lay and are in a much better mood for months than they were when they were horny and hating it. Again, it is entirely possible to be entirely normal and have circumstances that lead to casual sex that serves a purpose within people’s lives.

Other people are broken in some way and are using sex in an unhealthy way. But the thing is, there’s a balance between the two groups. Its not all one way or all the other.

@troubleinharlem You don’t get out much, do you?

@avvooooooo What you say makes sense. I still feel uneasy about it. I guess I don’t believe it, but I don’t really understand why I don’t believe it.

Well here’s a question. Let’s say there’s no big deal about casual sex. Then, even if you’re in a primary relationship, shouldn’t there still be no big deal about casual sex? I mean, it’s just for fun. It has nothing to do with your relationship.

@daloon Its different because there are emotions involved… Just not with the person one would be having casual sex with. In that case, its the primary relationship where emotions exist and a result of emotions in the primary relationship that lead to things like guilt for cheaters (if they feel that they did something wrong). Casual sex, absent of relationships, is where you can achieve an understanding with another person about sex being all there is to it. When there are other factors, even if you agree, that isn’t the case.

If someone (the first person) was used to casual sex got married, and their partner (the second person) wanted casual sex with other people, it would seem hypocritical for the first person to be bothered by the second person’s casual sexual experience. After all, it is devoid of emotions, right? No big deal. Just like going out for a beer with a friend. And the first person knows it, having experienced it.

@daloon But the second person has generally agreed with the marriage to exclusivity. Like I said, casual sex without a relationship is different from casual sex when there’s a relationship with another person involved. It the second person wanted causal sex, they were free to pursue it before they got into a relationship without it being “wrong.” As I just said, there is a difference when there is a relationship of some sort, whether it be with the sexual partner or not, and when there isn’t.

@daloon ; I’m only 18.

@troubleinharlem I don’t think it matters how old you are. I still think that the experience of sex purely for sex is ultimately hollow, leaving you feeling vaguely unhappy after a while, and not knowing why. I think that using sex to express real caring and a feeling of connection with your partner is worth holding out for. I don’t mean holding out for marriage. I just mean doing it with someone who is meaningful to you.

I think the consequences of purely casual sex are stronger than anyone can know or acknowledge—primarily because they appear long after the event. However, I can certainly see its allure, and I will not think worse of anyone because they play around with sex. I might, however, worry about them. I just can’t believe casual sex is ultimately psychologically healthy.

But then, I think it is quite possible that other people’s experience is different. I don’t want to put my feelings on anyone else. And I don’t know what really happens inside others. I only imagine based on my own experience.

Interesting.