Social Question

higherground's avatar

Will you accept someone as they are or try to help them?

Asked by higherground (1148points) December 17th, 2009

Let’s just say, you know someone (family or friend) who has something that doesn’t please you too much. It might be a characteristic or something to do with their appearance or anything about them and it bugs the hell out of you but may not necessarily be a bad thing. (for example, their inability to dress up nicely)

What will you do? Will you…

1) Accept them for who and what they are, because your love for them is much bigger than the problem they have? You will embrace it and try to love them for what they are.


2) Try to help them snap out of this problem and tell them ‘hey! this part of you is not really pleasing’ and you try to help them to change for the better. (Do note that even if this problem of theirs bugs you, it may not necessarily mean that it bugs others)

Let’s discuss!

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19 Answers

chelseababyy's avatar

It really depends who it is. I hate to try to change people, but if it’s someone I have to deal with daily I may say something to them. If I was doing something to annoy the hell out of someone who cared for me, I’d want them to tell me. However if you tell them and they try their hardest to work on it but just can’t change that’s the point where I would try and accept that person for who he/she is. You can’t expect anyone to change their ways but you can always try to help them.

HighShaman's avatar

Well; that all depends upon who it is and what the situation is…..

There are many factors to be considered…. ther are those who I’d gladly help , those I’d help kinda grudgingly, and then those I’d not consider helping .

Berserker's avatar

I’ll accept them. If they want to change and ask for my help, I’ll gladly lend it, but otherwise, it’s not my job to change anyone, regardless of whether I like it or not.

Xann009's avatar

Although it will bug me to eternity, I will accept the person as they are. I will, of course, think about how they could be a better person. But I also acknowledge the fact that you can’t change someone over night, especially if it is a lifelong habit.

higherground's avatar

@HighShaman @Symbeline @Xann009 I agree (= We can always help , but best if help comes along with an open mind . We can only help so much and it is up to them to acknowledge it or just shrug it off . It takes two hands to clap .

SirGoofy's avatar

I’ll accept them as they are, no matter what. I’d help them if they’re problem was life threatening to themselves or others. I’d also consider whether or not they are happy as they are in their present condition. You can lead a horse to water…but you can’t make him drink.

Jude's avatar

If they ask for my help, I’ll help. Otherwise, I just let them be.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

Well, a little of both. I’ll keep quiet for a bit, but then it just happens to slip out one day, in a joke form…. They ask for the truth… and so… I tell them! (it’s hard for me to lie), and then they ask me to help them fix it!
So usually, they also want it to be fixed as well.

barbiedoll's avatar

Accept or I move on. If it is my Love, then we have to make changes to accommodate. Friends, family, anyone not living in my house, accept.

YARNLADY's avatar

I will accept anyone, and also be available to assist if they want to change their circumstances. My philosophy is that when someone complains about what is wrong, I will take that as a request to help change it. If it turns out I am wrong, I try to accept that for them, complaining is just a part of who they are.

SABOTEUR's avatar

It’s not cool to give unsolicited advice or assistance.

Be wary of thinking you know
what’s right for Someone Else…

…Someone Else may think they know
what’s right for you.

borderline_blonde's avatar

If they’re not hurting themselves, then I think it’d be downright rude to say something. I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me, at least.

Nullo's avatar

It depends. Sometimes a person just needs to be snapped out.

Oh, and loving someone doesn’t mean that you must accept what they do. Parents, for instance, love their children, and because they love their children will do their best to correct their attitudes and behavior. Otherwise we’d all be the little monsters that kids can be. :\

OneMoreMinute's avatar

More and more I am getting better at letting adult people be and do without flinching and trying to “save” them and moving towards being there after the bridge breaks and laughing with them. Learning to say new phrases like, “WOW! That was really fun! You ok? Now what?” and then “OK, call me when you get this mess cleaned up!”

Even when they ask me for advise, I can’t get anyone to snap out of it. I don’t want to fix anybody anymore anyways.

Children however, are subject to my rules of authority while under my care.

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

I don’t think it’s fair to try to change someone because it bugs you. Someone else might enjoy it. :) It drives me nuts when people make mouth noises when they eat, but I don’t complain about it. My rule of thumb is as long as it dosen’t hurt anyone or anything, let it be.

pinkgirl02's avatar

Leave them be, believe me i have had peaple tell me that they do not like my weight and it is not very nice.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Depends on my relationship with the person and what the nature of the undesireable thing is that bugs me so much. I happen to absolutely adore my bf but I don’t like anything about the way he used to abuse his health so I said how much it troubled me to get further and further attached and involved with a person who might not be able to give me their best in return. It was up to him to make changes or to pass me up.

NostalgicChills's avatar

I would accept them as they are.
People are they way they are for various reasons. Whether it’s how they grew up, who they grew up with, etc etc.

It would be none of my business to try and change someone.

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