General Question

NUNYA's avatar

How can I learn to "flirt"? Can someone give me pointers"? Not trashy just, nice & simple?

Asked by NUNYA (3207points) December 19th, 2009

Having been in a relationship from the age of 19, that lasted over 23 yrs. I haven’t had to flirt and don’t have the first clue how to do so. I wanna get out into the real world and mix and mingle and if I find someone attractive to the things I am looking for in a new mate, how do ya go about it? I am a people person and love conversation but when it comes to letting him know I care about him, I am nervous as all get out. I don’t wanna be a trashy flirt, I am a reserved person. What advise can you give to me and other single moms/dads that have not been in the dating world for MANY years? Thanks!

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38 Answers

gradyjones's avatar

I like subtle flirting, like a wink and a smile when your not expecting it, or lightly touching them as your trying to maneuver around them. When someone compliments you on something that no one else in the world would ever notice about you, it makes you think they have been paying attention.

deni's avatar

i have never thought about how i flirt til now and now that i’m thinking about it i cant think about how i do it. i guess i dont do anything crazy really, but if i like someone i’m friendly and i joke a lot and maybe touch them or nudge them more than i would someone i wasn’t interested in. but i think the whole key is just being yourself. you dont have to go crazy :)

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@NUNYA, I don’t see how you can avoid letting people know that you care about them. You seem to be best friends with anyone who ever looks your way or speaks in your general direction. I don’t think that you’ll have any problem at all. Just be who you already are.

I think when you ask the guy for his phone number or private email address, then he’ll know. (I’m still waiting…)

Polly_Math's avatar

Got this off of ezine, sweetie, hope it helps!

How To Flirt With A Guy – 5 Powerful Flirting Tips For Girls!

For over 3 Years Sarah Nichols has helped women everywhere become more of the a
woman that men want. She is now dedicated to helping…

Many people think a girl has to be drop-dead gorgeous to be really successful at flirting with a guy. Actually, anybody can do it. What you need to do is to learn how to flirt with a guy correctly in order to impress the guy you like and also show the guy that you like him, and you may be get surprised when you find out that he likes you too.

These flirting tips for girls, teen girls and ladies in all walks of life is just some guide for you to go out and find that special someone, in case, you have your own style, just incorporate some of the tips here and I guarantee, you’ll be irresistible! Okay, here are the 5 tips on how to flirt with a guy:

1. Be conscious of your appearance

If you want to flirt with guys, the first thing that you need to pay attention is your physical appearance. It is not always necessary to dress provocatively, but you should wear something that looks elegant, clean looking, comfortable, and at the same time makes you feel confident. Remember, you don’t need to have millions of expensive clothes to look beautiful because some simple fashions never go out of style. Try sporting dark, slimming jeans, a simple solid colored tank or cami, some chunky bead necklaces, or a cute sun dress.

Be sure that you shower and clean yourself regularly. You should also wear deodorant, shave frequently, clean your ears, brush your teeth and hair, and you could try to paint your nails. Also, try to wear your hair in a style that makes you feel pretty and use a perfume that smells sweet, but is not too overpowering.

2. Ensure That You Are Alone

Don’t stay in a group. A guy may find it a little uncomfortable to approach you if you are in a large group of people. No man can bear a rejection in front of a herd. Also, he may feel that he can’t approach you because of your friends.

So, ensure that you are sitting or standing alone for at least some time, so that he can approach you easily. Also, try to minimize the distance between the two of you. For example, you can sit at the chair next to him.

3. Act Right

There are multiple ways to act flirty, here are some of the best suggestions:


Be sure to compliment them on things that are true. Sometimes people will make up compliments just to talk to someone, but that is the total wrong thing to do. You really should compliment on things you really like, so you sound more sincere naturally.

Eyes contact

The eyes can be your most effective tool for flirting. It’s possible to make a guy’s heart skip a beat by giving him a playful, lusty, or lingering stare. Here is how to do it:

If you’re walking by someone you’ve got the hots for, give him a 2–3 second stare and then slowly glance away (slow is important). Smile just as you start to look away. He’ll get the message.

Additionally, when you’re talking to a guy you like, take a second to momentarily break away from his eyes and pause on his upper body or chest. Let 2 seconds pass. Then slowly move your eyes back up and make eye contact again. This will give him chills of excitement. He’ll realize that you were checking him out…and he’ll love it.

Hair Flip and Twirl

If you want to catch a guys attention, flip your hair casually over your shoulder, twist it and then untwist it, tuck it behind your ears, or run your hands through it.

Soft Giggle and Smile

According to polls, a laugh and a smile are the sexiest things a female can wear. If you perfect your smile and laugh to be seductive and sweet, you will find some great results. Practice forcing a natural smile and laugh, it can help through awkward situations.

Magic Touch

You can learn to brush a guy in such a way that you send tingles up and down his spine. Casually tap him while laughing, rest your head on his shoulder if you’re tired and hold his hand when you’re nervous; it will give him a sense of manliness and you a touch sweetie-pie, no pun intended.

4. Move Closer to Him and Start The Conversation

Approach him and start a light conversation to get things going, but don’t make it too obvious that you like him. If he approaches you, look him in the eyes as a sign of affection and confidence. The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about what you have in common, talk about your surroundings, ask a question, ask for help, state an opinion.

5. Get To Know Him

After he has come up to you and both of you have started talking, just try to find out whether he is your type or not. Is he one of the pushy ones or will stop at the line you draw. If you feel comfortable with him, carry on with the evening. In case he is not your type, just excuse yourself politely from his company. However, remember that you are the one who led him on. Now if you don’t feel up to it, don’t get outrightly rude.

Lastly, if he’s interested in you, don’t just go immediately to be “best friends” or“boyfriend.” Just start hanging out with him, and become friends, slowly become best friends, until it becomes even more! You want to make sure it is the right guy for you, and you know what he likes! Good Luck, Girls!

So, if you want to learn the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION for you and want him to be around you for the long term, then you need to visit Catch And Keep Him

Besides the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, you’ll also discover about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” around dating, and creating a solid foundation for a future relationship (that lots of women will never know about!).

NUNYA's avatar

@CyanoticWasp How sweet of you to say! I am a natural at conversation but can’t think of 2 words to put together when talking with someone I like. My tongue weighs 10 pounds and I drool…..............ROFLMAO!!! But really it is something I am not comfortable about. Don’t wanna look slutty or needy. I’m just out of practice BIG TIME! I need to bump into some guys shopping cart in the grocery store. LOL Thanks! You want my email address? No problem…..............sent to your private inbox here.

NUNYA's avatar

@Polly_Math WOWZA! Excellent answer! Thanks!

Stagood's avatar

@NUNYA I know you and you just have to be yourself, people like you automatically and I know you are not shy so i truly believe just be yourself and start talking like you talk to us and you won’t have any trouble… and the hugs are always a plus.

NUNYA's avatar

Thanks Stagood! And here is a GREAT BIG (((HUG))) just for you my friend!!! Thanks for being you, because you’re great!

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@Polly_Math, I’ll bet that half of the single people here can’t wait for the next time that they can get out of the house and start practicing some of that advice. For that matter, there’s no reason that anyone already in a loving relationship wouldn’t want to start trying some of that at the earliest opportunity. GA.

janbb's avatar

I’ve never studied flirting as a separate art form, but in my experience if there’s a guy on your wavelength and you have some chemistry and humor between you – the flirting part comes pretty naturally. Because I’m a very verbal person, mine probably takes the form of humor and conversation more than physical flirting, but the flirtatiousness is still there (I think.) Maybe you are overthinking it; although I can understand how hard it must be to think of starting up again!

dpworkin's avatar

My advice is to stop thinking so much. When you find someone appealing, if you let yourself you will just naturally convey your interest. Anything you do on purpose carries the danger of looking insincere.

azlotto's avatar

Just be NUNYA.

deni's avatar

i agree with above posts. you seem like such a friendly person from the posts i’ve read of yours, dont even think about it. if you have interest in someone they’ll be able to tell you like them, if you let it show. just dont hold back your emotions. woot woot!

Zen_Again's avatar

Be honest. Women will love that you were in a long and meaningful relationship. The best “line” would probably be the truth in your case.

Or you could go with “Is your father a gardener? Because you are such a flower.”

Judi's avatar

Listen, make eye contact, smile, touch his hand, touch your hair. I know, touch your hair sounds crazy but it was on one of those learning chanel studies of humans and it really is a flirting signal.

galileogirl's avatar

As I remember it the 1st step is to give him a flash of your ankle.

NUNYA's avatar

@Zen_Again but I am the woman that is in the long meaningful relationship. I looking for a male counter part! :-) Thanks much!!!
Thanks Judi very nicely said!
Thanks galileogirl!

NUNYA's avatar

OOps! I WAS the woman in the long meaningful relationship! Sorry for the typo. Cause thank god in grayhound he’s gone. LOL Actually we remain friends we just were/are not in love with each other. WE have a son together and we need to remain cival to each other for the sake of our son.

strange1's avatar

hi nunya!:) good to hear that wow . all i can say is, you have no problem showing your charisma through the keyboard and you are a very diplomatic and caring person. just try and project that in the real world and youll have no probs, also have you considered a short study in body language?—all typed with left hand as im cuddling little one to sleep lol—

CMaz's avatar

I see two types of flirting:

1. Just to flirt.
2. To get some.

Which are you looking for?

Personally you would never catch me flirting. Wink, Wink

Naked_Homer's avatar

My guess is you wont have trouble “flirting” you will have trouble convincing guys you were not.

You’re a kind person who is a good conversationalist. That reads missinterpretation all over.

NUNYA's avatar

@ChazMaz Well for sure not to just flirt but not to “get some” really either. I mean, to get some later on…......yup! But I wanna do the get to know you flirts first. To let him know I am just simply interested in him. I can’t wink very well either. HAHAHAHA!
@Naked_Homer I am a good yaker….......Might be the only way to shut me up is to kiss my lips. lol Honestly, I am a people person to the hilt. I love to chit chat. Thanks Naked Homer! And I am very enthusiastic with my words that I was asked to calm down my CAPS and puncuation by another fluther user. But I am just real gitty and energetic and it shows through my answers via the caps and punc’s. :-)

JustPlainBarb's avatar

@Nunya. I would just be yourself my friend. You are sweet, intelligent, great sense of humor, friendly. If you just be YOU… you’ll attract the right kind of guy for you.

strange1's avatar

@JustPlainBarb my sentiments exactly:) hey nice lighthouse!

deni's avatar

dont feel bad i cant wink either :(

NUNYA's avatar

@deni but I can type it pretty good! wink wink! ROFL!

Jeruba's avatar

I never learned it either. I guess the men who took me out and the one who married me didn’t need that kind of message from me.

moley_thecontrarydragon's avatar

Lots of good advice here Nunya. Just show an interest in him as a person not a possible s/o . Ask about his life and likes and dislikes and most importantly LISTEN to the answers so you can comment. Brush some (imaginary) lint off his shoulder, Put your hand on his arm as you laugh at something he says that is funny. Look at his mouth as he talks then slowly up at his eyes.Lick your bottom lip if he looks at your mouth. You’ll soon get the message across. Best of luck.

NUNYA's avatar

OMGosh moley thecontrarydragon! I LOVE the imaginary lint on his shoulder ploy! EXCELLENT! Well everything you said makes perfect sense. It would work on me! Thanks tons friend!!! (((HUG)))

NUNYA's avatar

@Jeruba Glad to hear I am not the only one. It is such a “new” ground for me to enter. It is just real scary. Makes me not wanna go there. Will I mess it up and piss him off or something along those lines. Will he think I am “desperate” or something. I just have an awkward and uneasy feeling. YA KNOW, when you are a teenager or in your early 20’s who gives shit…............go for it! But I’m 43 and just plain ol’ out of practice. All the parts still work and I “wanna” but spooky!
Thanks for your input!!! (((HUGS)))

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@NUNYA, don’t worry about it, and like someone said, don’t try to remember “lessons” or act like you’re working from a script. That’s not flirting, but acting—and I don’t think you could pull that off—and wouldn’t want to.

I know how you feel, sort of. I was married for over 20 years technically, I still am, but we’re not going there and faithful for all the time that we were together. But I still flirted, because I knew that I was always going to be faithful. I’m sure that you already know this stuff in your bones, even if you haven’t consciously practiced it at any time. I don’t do it consciously (often), it’s just part of who I am.

All it really has to be is talking to the other person, and being interested in a way that he knows that you’re interested. Reach and withdraw; let him pursue you a bit. Hell, acting like a babe in the woods may be your schtick for awhile; it’s genuine, after all.

definitive's avatar

Definitely eye contact that lingers a little longer, then glance away as if you weren’t meaning to look…coyness is the key I think…it’s all about the thrill of the chase is it not? But then again it depends where you are…if alcohol is involved better not to be too coy because before you know it you’re both going to look a bit worse for wear…go in for the kill when the opportunity strikes lol

ninjacolin's avatar

don’t just laugh at a joke, joke back! :)
definitely laugh too but you can show your creative side by playing along and you can show your empathetic side by matching his joking style every now and then.

good luck, yo!

Cruiser's avatar

Hey Nunya!! You have given much of the best years of your life and I’m sure you know what it feels like to compromise, sacrifice and just make do. Now is not the time to pull punches. Go out and be yourself, kick, poke prod, tazer the guys and make them sweat and if they don’t return the favor or at least make you laugh…move on. Life is too short to waste precious time with guys who aren’t up to your par.

Judi's avatar

My best friend in HS used to say “Smile, they like teeth. ”

bumface's avatar

meh. just be yourself! dont follow tips because then youll be so concious of how you’re behaving that you wont actually be ‘there’. just listen and smile and react to what they do and say as naturally as it comes to you. otherwise they’re not even getting to know the real you so why bother?!

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