Social Question

forgewolf's avatar

Is it ok to flirt with a girl with a boyfriend that you know he is not worth it?

Asked by forgewolf (221points) December 22nd, 2009

so there we were at a christmas party at a local bar when everyone just got pumped up for the mood of dancing when I saw particular pretty lady with some of her friends. so I made a move and invited her to dance with me, not knowing that she already has a boyfriend and he is actually inside the bar with her but quite distant but still she danced with me. so the night went on we were dancing, she started grinding and stuff but then it was going quite late and I one of my friend was already quite drunk so I have to get him home. so, I took a piece of paper and gave her my name and number.

the next day, I got a text message from her. we started communicating then after and realized that she has a boyfriend and told me that he is actually in the party we had. so now im quite indecisive whether im still going to communicate with her or not knowing that he has this apathetic boyfriend.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

31 Answers

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

NEVER flirt with any person in a relationship. Ever. Their relationship should live to the end of its natural life, without outside interference. Your judgement of him is irrelevant, it is hers that counts. Find someone else, or wait for her to make a move.

Only138's avatar

Sure, why not. If he’s garbage, you’re doing her a favor.

Aethelwine's avatar

You can flirt. just don’t touch.

chelseababyy's avatar

You’re in no position to say if he is “worth it” or not.

lillycoyote's avatar

I’m with @jonsblond Flirting is never necessarily wrong, as long as you understand that if the person you are flirting with is attached, then that’s all it is, flirting, and if it becomes more than that then it is your responsibility to stop it. Unless you are o.k with being responsible for breaking up a relationship.

forgewolf's avatar

i think she is really worth a lady though and I heard rumours about her boyfriend being quite a drug abuser.

so what do I do know?

Freedom_Issues's avatar

You don’t know the guy, so you can’t say if he is worth it or not. On a side note, if she is communicating and dancing with you behind his back, how do you know she wouldn’t do the same to you?

melanie81's avatar

Okay, obviously she doesn’t care that much about her boyfriend, if she just spent the whole night grinding on your crotch. That being said, I wouldn’t worry so much about her “being attached” or whatever. Shit, it’s not like they’re married!

However, if she has no intentions to break up with him, this could turn into something reeeeally messy. So it might just be best to let her make all the moves for now…and maybe come back to us for an update in a week or two? Hmm? Maybe by then you’ll realize that she’s total crap for doing this to her bf. or not!

Haleth's avatar

Telling yourself that the boyfriend isn’t worth it is just a way to rationalize flirting with her. All you have to go on is that he wasn’t paying attention to her in the bar. Well, she was dancing with you, so she wasn’t paying much attention to him either. And then you’ve got some hearsay that he is a drug abuser.

It sounds to me like both of them have problems. He didn’t pay enough attention to her, so she got jealous and danced with another guy to get back at him. She was just using you for a dance partner, basically. Do you really want to be with someone like that?

Jay170590's avatar

Look at this from the boyfriends persective, how would you feel knowing that your girlfriend was flirting with another guy whir you were there? Tell herto end it with him first and then make your next move. At least you would know where you stand with her And could have a proper relationship without having to sneak about.

Ansible1's avatar

I think you should remove yourself from the situation entirely and find yourself a nice drama-free girl to make a move on.

scotsbloke's avatar

@Haleth – wise words and pretty much what I was gonna say.
Put yourself in her shoes, would you think it wrong?
Getting more involved is inviting trouble whether it’s trouble for them, or for you. Best to tell her to call you when she’s free, that’s normally a good indicator of whether it is worth doing or not.
Basically, Don’t be “THAT” guy!
BB

AnnieB's avatar

You can flirt with her….if she flirts back, she thinks her boyfriend isn’t worth it too…but, if she does it to him, she’ll do it to you….

Is that the kind of girl you want? One who finds the next best thing, before taking care of her business at hand, whatever that may be….

Zen_Again's avatar

I’m with @FireMadeFlesh and @chelseababyy – they pretty much summed up how I feel on the matter.

aprilsimnel's avatar

If you’re flirting with intent and she goes off with you, that’s a red flag for you, innit?

If she’ll do it for you, she just might do it to you.

flameboi's avatar

I’d rather wait until the douchebag shots himself in the foot… keep close, but not that close, is not a gentleman’s treat to point out the failures of another of his kind…

jrpowell's avatar

I always try to hook up with people in relationships. I am so special that they would never do the same to me.

ubersiren's avatar

I say flirting is harmless (unless you think the guy will kick your ass). But taking it beyond that is disrespectful. Go ahead a flirt, but don’t expect anything. Leave their relationship out of your flirting.

kevbo's avatar

Meh. Enjoy it for what it is. Don’t get too attached until she breaks up with him. Let her dictate the pace. Try not to get assaulted or killed. Let it go when the moment has passed.

Axemusica's avatar

I almost hate to admit this, but I’ve been “that” guy to many times. For a while there it seemed I only attracted taken women. It got old real quick. I still do, for some reason, attract taken women, but I tell them straight out, “I’m not doing anything with you out of respect for him, even if I don’t know him.” They usually get the hint and either give up on the fling with me they had planned or just become my friend. Never really had one leave their S/O for me though.

So, having said that, I’m going to have to agree with the majority here. Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want her to do if she was with you, instead of him. If you make your point that you don’t want to be “that” guy then she’ll give up on the escapade or leave him for you, but even then I’d still be iffy about it.

curosity_killed_the_cat's avatar

how do you know that her boyfriend is not worth? Did she tell you that? To answer the question no its not ok to flirt with someone who is taken. You are setting yourself up for trouble. Just go flirt with someone else because if you guys did hook up who says that she wont flirt with other guys, if she “grind” all on you on the dance floor while her boyfriend was there.

Janka's avatar

Main question: does the boyfriend know you have something going on?

Cotton101's avatar

if she is unfaithful to him, she will do the same to you! learned that the hard way!

janbb's avatar

How about saying (or texting), “I’d be interested in you, but I hear you have a boyfriend. What’s up with that?” See what she answers and take it from there.

Cruiser's avatar

Flirting can be harmless, fun and even exciting as long as it doesn’t cross the line for the person already in a relationship. So for the most part what she and you did could be that harmless fun. Her texting you though could be a sign she is not happy with her current BF and if you do like her give her a reason to dump him!

HighShaman's avatar

IF she will flirt and CHEAT with you behind her current guy’s back ... why wouldn’t she CHEAT on you behind your back as stats tend to prove that a CHEATER will do just that ..

I’d think TWICE before pursuing this relationship any further…

galileogirl's avatar

Obviously if you are not in a committed relationship, you have every right to flirt with anybody you are attracted to. That’s how virtually everyone in our culture meets mates. You don’t have to justify it by saying the SO is unworthy. It is up to the person you are flirting with to make the choice of whether to respond to you or not.

After you know the her/his situation (which will be after the flirting). you will then decide whether or not to pursue the situation further according to certain cultural factors.

1. Do you and the flirtee agree on the paramaters of the budding relationship?
2. Is any SO involved have a greater call on your loyalty than the flirtee, ie is the flirtee involved with your blood relative, in-law or friend?
3. Is the flirtee involved with an individual with a violent criminal past?

If you can answe Yes to #1 and No to #2 &#3, go to it. Flirting is one of the great joys of life.

Oxymoron's avatar

Don’t keep talking to her. She’s a tramp anyways. If she has a boyfriend she shouldn’t be grinding with any other guy, especially if her man is in the same club.

Cotton101's avatar

@Oxymoron got my vote! Hey O, if she mess around on her present boyfriend, she will mess around on the next one!

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther