General Question

viainfested's avatar

Why won't my boyfriend bring me around his friends?

Asked by viainfested (435points) January 7th, 2010

We’ve been dating for close to 9 months now and I’ve maybe met 4 of his friends. I bring him around my friends all the time, invite him to parties, etc. I’ve brought this up to him a couple times and he keeps saying that “they’re busy all the time.” Yet he seems to find plenty of time for them. I just have no idea what to do at this point.

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31 Answers

BBSDTfamily's avatar

probably b/c something is going on and he doesn’t want them to slip up and tell you. I would bet there is another girl in the picture and either his friends don’t know about you, or he doesn’t want them to accidentally spill the secret. There’s no good reason why a guy wouldn’t introduce his girlfriend to everyone in his life.

Siren's avatar

That’s a tough question. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this issue with your boyfriend. It sounds like you are saying you don’t feel he wants you and a group of his friends to meet.

Have you met any of his family or other people in his life? Maybe there is another reason besides the more cynical one, that he may not feel you would approve of them. Sometimes people hang out with the same crowd out of habit, not because they really want to anymore. Maybe he’s closing a chapter in his life. Yet it sounds like you feel there are areas of his life you’re not familiar with yet. And, after nine months, it is a little odd that the people he sees regularly are not introduced to you.

I guess you won’t know for sure and if it bothers you enough, tell him about it and see if it’s a deal-breaker for you if you’re not happy with his answer. It doesn’t sound like a great future for you both if you’re not a part in all of his life.

SeventhSense's avatar

Vaginosis Bad manners

viainfested's avatar

he’s introduced me to his family and brought me over for dinner a couple times. i haven’t even met the kids best friends though, he’s keeps saying he’ll try and set something up with his friend and his gf so we can all hang out but he never brings anything up to me after that. i end up bringing it up to him again.

jrpowell's avatar

Maybe they just sit around playing video games and he doesn’t want to make you endure that?

viainfested's avatar

we both play video games. :P

borderline_blonde's avatar

Maybe he just wants to have “guy” time. There’s nothing wrong with that. I like to spend time with my female friends without my bf around so I can have “girl” time. We need lives outside our relationships.

viainfested's avatar

but he could just say that instead of saying he’ll invite me to hang out with everyone sometime.

Jacob23's avatar

pshhh he just in it for what you got if you where mine I would trade the sun somthing an make u lite up the world

Jacob23's avatar

maybe his scared you might fall for one of his friends

Jacob23's avatar

do u thank that could be it

JLeslie's avatar

Bad sign.

njnyjobs's avatar

Do you shower as often as people should? . . . just kidding . . .coming from a guy!

Hey, some guys are just like that, they want to keep things separate. His longtime friends have a different special bond over you. That doesn’t mean he loves you less. For all you know, you may be better off not getting close with his buddies. As you and your BF get mature in your relationship, he may just see the value of getting you and your friends together. Personally, when me and about 6 of my HS buddies get together, we do so without our significant others. . . its just us guys hanging around and blowing smoke up each others . . .. and we have a great time just reminiscing and talking about life in general. . .. of course over some good food and great spirits!

Pandora's avatar

I knew a guy like that once who did that with his wife. He loved her but all his pals where shallow and he knew they would try to pick something wrong with her. So he only introduce her to the few friends who weren’t. Not all friends are equal. Some are just for a good time and some are for everytime. Find out which ones these are. He may also be worried you won’t like them and ask you not to hang around them any more. But that neither here or there. You won’t know the truth till you meet them. Next time he says hes going out with the fellows, offer to drop him off.

njnyjobs's avatar

I kinda agree with Pandora’s notions BUT Disagree with the suggestion. . . it will just show your utter lack of trust. and if that is so, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with that person.

Pandora's avatar

@njnyjobs He can still decline her offer however it sounds like he is really trying to keep her in the dark. Doesn’t exactly scream trust me.

njnyjobs's avatar

you got to realize that guys operate differently from grls . . . as I said, I tend to agree with your notions…abt the guy with the wife….etc

Tenpinmaster's avatar

Maybe he is embarrased about something. Either he dosn’t want you to meet his friends because he is uncomfortable about what they may say about you, or embarrased about what you may say about them. Also, something may be going on that he dosn’t want you to know about too. I remember when I was married I didn’t want my ex wife to be around my friends because she was just crazy. I have always been faithful it was the fact that I wanted my friends to myself and didn’t want her anywhere near that part of my life.

daemonelson's avatar

@BBSDTfamily Just a tad extreme, don’t you think?

It’s quite possible that either they, or you, embarrass him. Not in an ‘Oh, my god I’m so ashamed of this person’ way. Also, the social ‘rules’ about friends of males and females in relationships tend to differ somewhat. He just might not see it as an issue.

lonelydragon's avatar

I believe there are three possible answers:

1. The friends disapprove of you.

2. He might not take your relationship seriously, so he doesn’t see a need for you to hang out with his friends.

3. When he says he’s going to hang out with friends, he’s actually going to meet another girl.

Of course, you are in the best position to judge which possibility (if any is correct). If he is still treating you well, then you can probably take him at his word and assume that his friends are busy, or that he just wants his guy time and nothing bad is going on. But if he’s been secretive and less affectionate with you lately, you may want to be on your guard.

jca's avatar

does he take your calls whenever you call?

john65pennington's avatar

Your boyfriend may be afraid some of his friends may “hit” on you and he does not want to take that chance. possible?

lonelydragon's avatar

@john65pennington GA for you. That’s a good point, one that I wish I’d thought to mention. If that’s true, then he needs to either get some new friends or find a discreet way to talk to his girlfriend about the issue. She probably feels like she’s being excluded from his life.

viainfested's avatar

@njnyjobs I have no issues with him hanging out with his friends without me, the last thing I want to do is be around him 24/7. We give each other our space and time to hang out with our own friends. I’m just saying it would be nice for him to invite me out to some sort of social gathering going on, not just him and his friends. I’d be fine with just meeting them at least once, or possibly to go out with his best friend and his gf.

viainfested's avatar

@Tenpinmaster If anything, I would agree with you about him being embarrassed by his friends. The 2 times he did bring me around a few of his friends they either tried making me feel completely awkward or they purposely didn’t say much to make him feel awkward.

I’m 100% positive that there isn’t another girl, or something going on of that nature.

loiyujhdduehf's avatar

maybe he thinks youll be into his friends or his friends are nerdy & embarrassing. my question to you: have you ever seen his friends AT ALL?

JLeslie's avatar

@viainfested So his friends are jerks? Why is he hanging out with people who are idiots? I would ask your boyfriend WHY he does not want ou and his friends to be together point blank.

merriam's avatar

I am in the same situation I was dating him for 4 months and today i finished with him thats why i googled to find more opinions…he wanted to see me on friday coz on saturday is his sister birthday and he can’t meet me…i didn’t ask him why you can’t take me with ya…but i said to him I want a breik coz its seams you are dating another girl…I am 29 and he is 25 but i hide my age and i look well and I don’t care…I think everyone needs his own time but when a guy doesn’t introduce you to his friends means that you are not one of his friends and he doesn’t expect something serious from that relationship.

JLeslie's avatar

@merriam I think you were right to break up, but I question any relationship you are going to have in the future if you lie about your age. Do you mean he did not know you are 29?

merriam's avatar

hei…i didn’t lie about my age…he knew from the first minute…if someone will see us together wont guess that.he said is nothing wrong about age. but i have the feeling is not fair on me to hide his own life. his family knows about us and they are happy and he brings me out every weekend and during the week we go to the pictures,he treats me too nice but he keeps me away of his friends…this drives me mad…

thirsty4life's avatar

I’m having a similar problem and how he approaches me when I ask why haven’t I been introduced to your friends is because “I would hate spending time with you 24/7, it would make me sick!” Coming from anyone’s point of view with saying something like that, yes they need their space from a relationship. How he chooses his words when he answers sometimes does hurt but hey when we ask a question the answer is what it is, especially coming from a guy, right?

I work full time and my job is demanding so I work over full time sometimes. We hardly ever spend time and when we do, we honestly do nothing but enjoy each others company, which is nice. When he makes plans with his friends he does really fun stuff like go out of town for a weekend, rafting, and lounging at a bar. His mix group of friends is girls too so I sometimes worry and have raised that question. Though when I did ask about it once he remarked..“Why do you keep asking these questions, your just jealous and your trying to steal my friends because maybe you don’t have friends and no one likes you.”

He’s younger then me so sometimes his words are uncivil, so I don’t take it personal. I have invited him to go to parties but he’s very anti social with my group of friends and even family.

Its like he wants to keep his friendship world separate from me, I’ve tried to except it but being a pretty social person its hard. Well that’s just my story and experience. I’ve been with this guy for 2 years now and yes this issue bothers me but I don’t want to argue over it because he gets really upset when I do bring it up. I grown accustom to realizing it ain’t worth the fight.

Any advice from anyone? The posts on here did help a bit.

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