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mollypop51797's avatar

What do you think of this style of parenting?

Asked by mollypop51797 (1430points) January 15th, 2010

I have friends who are wonderful and nice and great parents. They have good children, but sometimes I wonder about their parenting. Not that it’s any of my business, but I think it’s interesting. No, I am not criticizing their parenting, because my parenting may not be any better, but I’m just wondering. Here’s what they do. If their kids want something they will let them have it AS LONG as it’s reasonable and for necessary purposes. So, let’s say one of their children would like to go to the movies, or want this sweater and those sunglasses, they have to talk to their parents about it. Both mom and dad would have to approve. I think this is very clever, because most would say ” I want these sunglasses because they’re ‘in’”. or, “I want to go to the movies because everyone else is going”. So, I guess you have to be pretty clever to get something like that. But, I guess there can be flaws too. What do you think of this type of parenting?

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14 Answers

lilikoi's avatar

This is how I was raised. My mother was a control freak and always short on money. This kind of parenting is why I had to wear my mother’s old dresses from the 1960’s to prom. In retrospect they are pretty timeless, but at the time I hated her.

I might do this w/ my kids up until a certain age, but there is value in learning how to manage money. My mother’s approach to parenting didn’t teach me that. If I ever have kids I will be getting a credit card in their name as soon as I recover from child birth—- I hate being punished for a short credit history on my credit score and would not want to inflict this on my kids (of course I will control it until they are much older). My kids need to learn that it takes hard work to make money and they will eventually need to be able to define “reasonable” and “necessary” for themselves.

stardust's avatar

I think they’re using a clever style. It must make the kids think about why they want/need to have certain things. Ideally, it would give the kids a great appreciation for their belongings. Does it work out that way for them? Or are they spawning manipualative monsters?:)

Factotum's avatar

I like it very much.

belakyre's avatar

As long as there is a drawn line somewhere, I think there really is nothing wrong with it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I don’t understand the question – in that I don’t understand how else it would be.

filmfann's avatar

If it is working for this family, why would I object?

PandoraBoxx's avatar

What type of parenting style are you contrasting this to?

Nullo's avatar

Very clever; it certainly addresses the ‘gimme’ syndrome

susanc's avatar

I think @mollypop51797 is contrasting this with a stupider, but not uncommon, parenting style which leaves out the conversations about whether a request is a good idea or not.
Don’t we all know parents who just say “Oh sure” or “Absolutely not” without thinking about it much themselves, and without discussion? And how much learning does that offer the children?
I vote OUI on this parenting style. I think it’s really friendly.

OpryLeigh's avatar

It doesn’t actually sound that out of the ordinary to me.

partyparty's avatar

I think it is a good way of parenting. It shows the children that their parents are ‘together’ in their decisions.

lilikoi's avatar

@susanc I thought the OP was contrasting the parenting style to parents deciding to give kids an allowance. Now I’m not sure. I think this question is stupid.

mollypop51797's avatar

I agreee, @susanc what I am hearing most often by my kids when I say no, is “can’t we talk about it”. But the tone of their voice when we “talk” about it is more like saying “can we argue about it because you keep saying no”. Sometimes, i don’t even want to go into the trouble of getting into these arguments. I see that seeing their viewpoint is important to them, so I will let them talk it out. However, I really do think that it’s important to them to tell me about why they want this or that. I think it means a lot to them to have a voice in this “decision making”. Secondly, I think that I’d rather avoid these long discussion, but if mom and dad decide together then it’s easier to put an answer down on the table without arguing. now, I am comparing this parenting to what @susanc said, and how some parents may say “ok I’ll get you them but I’ll let you feel guilty for it”. I don’t think that’s very fair. Do you think the kids will feel guilty for it. maybe maybe not. But, do they get the sunglasses and the sweater. yes. What about the parenting, when parents don’t talk together, like @partyparty had said. If the parents aren’t talking together, the children are aware of this. So when mom says no, the children go to dad, hoping he’ll say yes and not letting him know that mom said no. I think that brings up many faults, and I think the parenting raised in this question is very clever.

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