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Steve_A's avatar

What loose ends would you tie up?

Asked by Steve_A (5125points) February 6th, 2010

if you were to commit suicide?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

17 Answers

marinelife's avatar

I hope that this is a hypothetical question.

But if I were to, I would be sure and write letters to my family and friends telling them it was not their fault.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

@Steve_A, after the hand gun question, I’m really worried about you. If you are thinking in this direction, you really need to call the suicide prevention hotline. I see what you added to your profile. The answer is if the plan fails, is to make a new plan.

You’ve been through a lot and are very mature for your age. Complicated problems can work out, even if it’s not in the manner you plan on them working out. I am gathering by your posts that you have been accepted into the air force, but they cannot take you for six months? Is that correct.

Make a list of everyone that you think would be affected by the loss of you—every single relative, friend’s parents, teachers, and tell them that you are very overwhelmed by the situation you find yourself in, and that you need help figuring out what the options are. The question is “I need you to help me figure out how to get the support I need to make it to the next point.”

Cruiser's avatar

Never happen here Steve…I always found it minimally thoughtful for those who took their lives to at least leave a note and explain the reasons for their desperation.

marinelife's avatar

People who commit suicide are not OK. They are depressed. They do not see another way out.

But there is always a way out. There are alternatives. Please reach out for help.

kelly's avatar

will, power of attorney, provisions for minor children, but as cruiser says usually a suicide is the ultimate Fuck You to someone you want to hurt.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Don’t go in this direction Steve. If I triggered off any of this thinking by any of my statements, I humbly apologize. You are young, talented and have so many options before you. Re-read the last PM I sent you. You have many options. Nineteen is far too young to decide that your life is at an endpoint. You are considering a permanent and irreversible solution to a temporary problem. Get some counselling if you have to. You have many options that you are just not seeing now. You are not even sure yet if your chosen option is really closed off yet.

Steve_A's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Never sir, I would not point the blame to anyone not even God.

I can only blame my self.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Loose ends?The people in my life know exactly how I feel about them.

Holden_Caulfield's avatar

I have mixed feelings about answering this question and have debated whether or not I should. Suicide is a very selfish act and as has been said… ” a permanent solution to a temporary problem”. Having said that, there is never really a way of shoring up all the loose ends becuase no matter what you do, you can never make others feel a certain way. Yes, you may be able to tie up financial ends, get your affairs in order, etc., but the emotional damage left in the wake of someone committing suicide cannot be preempted. Someone will always misinterpret, have feelings of contribution, and overall accountability for the end result of another’s taking their own life. It is unavoidable. Words cannot minimize any loss. Grieving is something that is going to happen for those who cared about the person and all of them will question themseleves and their contributions to the decision of the suicide victim. I have been there. I have had someone who I loved deeply and for most of my life… my best friend… take their own life. And they wrote to me before they did it. And I still feel like I somehow contributed to that decision. NOTHING they said to me in their “Goodbye Letter” made me feel better or relieved me of the responsibility to care for them as a person in my life, regardless of our relationship status at the time. They are gone and yet, I still carry the wounds… My loose end was never tied, if you will although I am sure that was what she wanted when she tried to resolve herself to take her own life.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@Steve_A You have talents and potentials. Take a step back from the abyss and do a thourough evaluation of those potentials and your means of realizing them. You have done tremendous good in the world already. You have, on average, about 60 years ahead of you to accomplish much more. Get your head out of the gloom and do a fearless assessment of your potential. You can do it!

mattbrowne's avatar

Why not ask the question without the suicidal context? Everybody got loose ends while appreciating life.

germanmannn's avatar

We are all gonna die , why rush it it will come on its own.

faye's avatar

Things change so much from 19 to even 22. What you are thinking is truly awful right now might be just a solemn headshake then. Talk to a hotline or friends, a pastor, a priest, whoever you might have a connection with. you might have a chemical imbalance in your brain easily controlled medically.

Jeruba's avatar

I have great respect for the wisdom and judgment of @PandoraBoxx, but I don’t believe you can make a list of all the people who would be affected. I have certainly been affected by the suicides of people who would never have put me on their lists. In some cases they didn’t even know me at all, but I felt it anyway, and they still haunt me.

If you think you are headed that way, still, you can always put it off for a little while. In the meantime, talk to someone. Call a hotline. Start there.

wundayatta's avatar

I was thinking about that yesterday. Not because I was thinking of preparing, but because I wasn’t. I figured that if I found myself tying up loose ends, then I’d get seriously worried about myself, instead just very worried. I spent the morning scaring my wife, though.

But I have no idea what to clear up. Letters, like @marinelife suggested? Never really occurred to me. What can be said? There is no reason convincing enough, and saying it isn’t someone else’s fault is disingenuous. Mostly it’s about loneliness and the pain from being unable to experience love—even if there is some there to experience.

The kids are going to be devastated no matter what. As will, so everyone says, siblings, friends, spouses and parents. No one can understand why you choose to do it. Not even those who follow a similar path. The thing is, if you’re dead, you can’t see what impact your suicide has. So I never saw why people use that as an argument against it.

I think that if you live, it has to be for yourself. For whatever it is that has kept you alive so far. For the possibility that the pain will end in other ways. Or that you’ll find love in other ways.

Although, it occurs to me, when I feel bad, there’s nothing I want so much as to feel worse and worse and worse, because given the shit I’ve already given to people, and seeing as how selfish I am, I really should be punished much more than this. If I die, I won’t be able to be properly punished. That probably sounds crazy to most people, but it makes sense to me.

Of course, you could also curl up in a ball and stare at a wall for a few weeks. It’s more fun if you do in alone in an apartment where no one bugs you to get up. I want an apartment. Sort of. That’s what I was talking to my wife about this morning. I know if I got one, things would get a lot worse for me, and that is sounding quite attractive at the moment. I know now I’m never going to get what I want or feel the way I really want to feel. It’s hard facing that, and the fact that I have no chance any more. Just a halfway life to lead.

I feel awful. That’s the truth of it. I should go off somewhere and not bother anyone, and instead I’m here worrying people. I’m so…... never mind. I’ll stop whining now and maybe go pound a fingernail off with a hammer. (not really—I just like the image).

Wanna know another weird thought? Asking for help disqualifies me from actually deserving help. Fuck it.

PoggiPJ's avatar

One of the things you need to do is resign membership from the various internet and/or social clubs you’ve joined over the past.

germanmannn's avatar

So did you do it 

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