How do you alleviate paranoia?

I don’t think I take myself that seriously. What could anyone possibly say that matters?

First determine if it is due to personality factors, or are you just smoking pot or doing cocaine? Personality factors are improved with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The others, you just stop using.

Maybe you could fall back on what William S. Burroughs had to say about it. “The paranoid is the person in possession of all the facts.” ~

They also say that just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean someone isn’t really after you.

I need meds to help with paranoia. Thankfully, I’ve got some from my doctor.

If you’re paranoid… It’s probably either due to you not trusting yourself, or not trusting someone else… Others, you can elliminate, you’re pretty much stuck with you!

Rather than trying to determine if your feelings are paranoia or justified I think the first step is to ask yourself “what does it really matter if So and So are talking about me behind my back?”

Just asking that question can help you to relax about the possibility.

Then try to be objective about their actions always giving thought to the fact that their behavior may, in fact, just be about their own head trip of the day.

If all else fails, ask them directly if there is a problem.

@Merriment Very sage advice. Good answer as a counterweight to my flippant sarcasm.

True paranoia is most often associated with a formal thought disorder and needs to be professionally assess and treated.

If you are unable to test the reality of your thoughts and realize that they are illogical and untrue, then you must seek professional help without delay!

@ETpro – thanks, love your quote :)

Who sent you here to ask me that question? Talk!

@filmfann LOL

i felt like this before….it was also because i used to smoke a lot of weed. But, what helped me to alleviate it was deep breathing. It helped me think more clearly and not worry about silly things like that. Even if you know people are talking behind your back, big deal. Let them be immature and you be the better person

Stop smoking pot or at least start sharing!

To be honest the world isn’t centered upon on individual and I feel paranoia can be a deeper route of something going on with the person feeling it. Most of the time people aren’t talking about other people and are more preoccupied with their own lives. There are some people who do talk about other people because they have nothing better to do than to put the focus on someone else other than themselves. When they do, ignore it. It doesn’t matter because you are you regardless. In my opinion, I don’t think feeling paranoid is a normal feeling to be having all the time. No one is out to get you.
If it is hindering your life, you may want to seek professional help and talk to someone about it.
It’s either that or drugs are involved. Stay away from drugs and maybe you’ll stop feeling paranoid.

@DrC – Actually, that statement goes: “Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.”

I don’t think you’re paranoid.
Check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety_disorder

Most people suffer from that in a small degree. All “labels” conditions are but a continuum. But as mentioned, cognitive-behavioral therapy would work (in some cases in combination with meds, at least at start depending on debilitation). Though if you can stay off meds, all the better.

Some things to consider meanwhile. People don’t know what you’re thinking – what you think is affecting them (ex bad make-up, haircut, clothes, behavior etc) – in most cases they barely notice. In fact they’re more likely to notice if you’re really looking.

Your brain makes associations, it’s how it works, learns – operates. So naturally you’ll make pattern associations. When something happens, and something else happens, the two neurons cross pathways and a-ha, cause effect… or not? Yes, our brains are not perfect, but they’re great for what they are. Be compassionate about yours, feed it (lots of omega 3’s), water it (good diet will do) and give it lots of air (exercise will help increase that). But yeah where were we, all those patterns you saw in your last human interaction, discard half of them and be open about the other half.

When you’re looking at someone and thinking about what they me thinking about you (meta-stereotyping), laugh at that very fact. They’re doing the same to an extent, and probably barely noticing what you thought they would be noticing – well unless you act “out of context” (context is the rest of the monkeys, I mean humans in the environment) – to go into a finer second look.

Hopefully you’ll find these thoughts helpful. It’s late so I may be lacking in coherence already. But as said above, don’t be paranoid about “being paranoid” :P
And laugh about it, that helps.

Just ask yourself what difference could it possibly make to you what other people are saying? Why on earth would you care?

If you are afraid of something dangerous, hide in the closet. What ever you do, don’t go in a car, because more people die in cars every day than any other non-medical cause.

If you are brave enough to go in cars, you have all the strength you need.

Does it matter what others say? I admit that all of us are hurt by what others say…but how much it affects us varies from person to person… (uh…just lost my train of thought…)

Why is it always “does it matter what others say?” If you don’t think it matters than either you’re god, or you live in the middle of some arctic ice sheet. We are social animals, and we live in a web of other people, and if they all dislike someone, that someone is going to have a rough time of it. They will get little cooperation; they will never be touched or told they are loved; and I’m sure you all can think of more. So yes, it does matter what others say and think and especially how they behave towards you.

With respect to this question, “people” can mean a lot of things. It doesn’t have to mean everybody. It could mean a few important somebodies. And if the people closest to you are drawing back or cutting you off entirely, the ones who supposedly love you, then it seems reasonable to think that others, who don’t know you or care about you, would feel even more of an aversion.

But fuck it. Life doesn’t owe anyone anything. Shouldn’t care what anyone else thinks? Then why would anyone bother to ask questions? Why would this site even exist? Think people! Think! Don’t just spout off old superstitions.

@HungryGuy You’re right, thank you. I’m trying to do too much at once and type faster than I check sometimes!

I don’t give people that much thought on an individual basis. I may wonder about how a person’s actions damage those who care about them, but I wouldn’t dwell upon them. I find that people with overinflated egos make life living hell for those around them, and I avoid people like that for exactly that reason; it makes them uninteresting because they cause me to throw up defenses.

You’re entirely right—life doesn’t owe you anything. You earn it. Respect is earned, it is not granted. Self-respect is earned by living your life in the best manner that you can, without inflicting damage on others. People do not give you self-respect. This has nothing to do with asking questions. People ask questions for a lot of reasons, but lots of times, because there is a fork in the road, and they’re trying to rationalize which fork to take. Asking questions gives you insights that are different than your own. How you filter those insights into actions depends on your situation. That’s why this site exists—to allow for alternative perspectives. There is not a “right” answer. There is only the best answer for the situation.

The only way that you can control what people say or think about you is to control the impression you make. People who have an inflated sense of self-importance fall in the trap that they are as fascinating to others as they are to themselves, and should be accorded “center of the universe” status because of that alone. The truth is, they are not.

@DrC – It’s cool. I do the same thing all the time :-)

@wundayatta – we are thinking and we aren’t just “spouting off old superstitions”. We are trying to share with you a truth that most of us likely struggled long and hard to learn. Those truths are: If you are puzzled by someone’s actions towards you…ask them about it.

If you have someone who has taken exception to you through no fault of your own, that is their problem and you have to divorce yourself from allowing their issues to manipulate you.

Yes, we are flock animals, but even in the wild, if someone is out of line the rest of the herd has no difficulty being direct about the issue (think of a pack leader nipping at the hindquarters of the misbehaving member).

I think you are mistaken that it is likely that if your nearest and dearest have issue with you then that must go double for the world at large. See the thing is, the world at large isn’t usually so close to you that they are seeking to get their own needs met.(sometimes at your expense) like your nearest and dearest. In the world at large you play a much less significant role.

Caring what others think, isn’t the same as caring what others think to the point of surrendering what you think. Of course, we care what others think, we just don’t allow other’s thoughts to be the blueprint for our lives.

@wundayatta Why on earth would you carre what some strangers say or thing? The only thing in your life that really matters is what you and the ones you love think. To be concerned about some stranger on the street or even in the work place who will not be there when you are on your death bed is ludicrous.

Why on earth would you even care what other people think.

Yes, we are social beings, but ‘social’ only means the ones that are immediately concerned with our personal being. It has nothing to do with the strangers we meet at work or at the store or bank. The ones in our close social network, such as family, are the only ones who count.

@YARNLADY Would you provide advice if everyone here ignored you completely? If you never got any lurve? I suppose so. After all, we’re all strangers (for the most part, and certainly at the beginning). I’m sorry, I guess, but I care about what you think and I wouldn’t have a clue where to find you, and even though you have a picture here, I probably wouldn’t recognize you if you passed me on the street. But as soon as I read something you wrote, I cared about what you thought.

@wundayatta When we come to this site, we are no longer strangers. If you wanted to find me you know exactly where to start (on my profile). I care about you, as well, because you are not a stranger to me. The kind of thing your question asks about is a vague, stranger, who cares kind of thing.

I used to be very upset because I thought that everybody in school hated me. They all thought I was ‘teacher’s pet’ because I knew the answers to most of the questions. I was teased nearly every day because of my unusual choice of clothes and the way I talk. I also was a member of a very unpopular religion, and I lived the principles that I was taught. I didn’t believe in name calling or in swearing, and I believed in telling the truth and always following the rules. These things put me at a great disadvantage, and it was very painful to me that the other kids teased me.

I only came to the realization that none of that mattered at all as long as my friends accepted me, and my family loved me. No one else, nothing else, matters to me, or to you, for that matter.

So what, if a person at your work things you are ‘nuts’ ? How does that affect your life? It doesnt. So why let it worry worry you? Make as list of what really does affect you – and you will see there is nothing, not one word, about what others think.

We may have to agree to disagree. If, at work, someone thinks I’m nuts, I could end up fired. And I don’t understand how you can say that what people think doesn’t affect you when you describe exactly how it affected you: you were teased, and put at a disadvantage and you said it was very painful. I don’t understand what you’re talking about. I feel like we’re looking at the same scene and seeing totally different things. Like we live in different worlds.

As far as caring about people on a website—that’s worse than irrelevant. Should I disappear, you would have no idea what happened to me or how to find me. No one would know. So, if that’s caring, it has no practical effect. It’s all in our heads. It’s easy to say you care when you don’t have to do anything except say it.

I just don’t get it how people think the internet world is anything more than a mutual fantasy. For the most part, it has practically zero effect on the real world, except for the time people spend here. But that’s like Second Life or rpgs or gaming or anything else that takes up gads of time. It’s a way of passing time. But when the time has gone, there is nothing left save some memories. Almost always, anyway. We can’t all be Gary and Sherry.

If at work someone “thinks” you are nuts they would have to have been supplied some hard evidence through your actions in order to fire you. So it isn’t their thought that you were crazy that got you fired, if was your exhibiting of “crazy” with your actions.

What other people think doesn’t effect you…it is what you think of what other people think that affects you.

I’ll agree with you that it is easy to feign many things on the internet, caring being one of those things. However, just because that is the case, it doesn’t mean someone doesn’t genuinely care just because they only know you from the internet.

I think those who doesn’t see the internet as a “mutual fantasy” are those who are genuinely “being themselves” online and have no reason to suspect others of putting on an act. Admittedly, these people often find themselves disappointed because there are many who use the internet as a role playing game.

I think that the internet can have as much impact on a real life as the people who visit it allow or as much as the people affected by it perceive. Virtual cheating and the destruction of “real life” marriages would be one example of a hemorrhage between virtual and real that takes place in even in the absence of any physical actions.

Really, all of life could be said to fall under the “when time has gone, there is nothing left save some memories” when you think about it.

I am genuinely myself online. In fact, I think I’m more myself online than in the real world. I feel like I can be myself because no one knows who I am. Ironic, no?

But I guess people still don’t see me. Some people come to like me, and I become attached to them, then, boom! They blow me off. It hurts like reality hurts. It hurts my sense of self—in that I question my judgment and I question whether I am the person I thought I was. It diminishes me.

Which then leads to paranoia. If this person who was important to me thinks so little of me, then maybe other people do, too. I start acting weird, and because I know I’ve acted like this before and people are tired of it, I start feeling like people avoid me and have stopped respecting me as they used to. Then it’s spiral city, if you know what I mean.

Most of the problem, I guess, is that I rely on the opinion of others in order to decide my value. I know I’m supposed to be able to have an internal sense of value, and I do and I don’t. It’s weird. It’s like I do think I’m valuable and have various talents that people should appreciate, but I never believe that they do appreciate it, so I need constant reaffirmation.

At the same time as I am pretty desperate for affirmation, I also like doing what I do for intrinsic reasons. I just enjoy writing and figuring things out and offering people advice. But I also need the feedback to be sure the advice makes sense. I enjoy making music and dancing, and the best thing is when I forget about anyone actually listening to or watching me. I’m just doing it for myself. I actually feel like a musician or a dancer (even though I’m not one—in the sense I don’t make a living at it, which is my standard for counting as a professional).

But the moment I become aware of an audience, I get lost in wondering if it is going over well, and if I get no feedback, it chokes me up and I get worse and worse. If there’s no feedback, my default assumption is that they aren’t enjoying themselves which means I’m not doing well.

If I’m part of a large group, then it’s easier because no one could really be focused on me, and it doesn’t matter as much if I screw up.

Another thought. The way I answer most questions is by trying to put myself in the place of the person I’m trying to help. But then it’s about me, and people don’t like such self-centered people. So even though I might be helping someone else, it seems like people wouldn’t appreciate it.

I don’t know. What is this thing that people have against “all about me?” How could it be any other way? We are ourselves and can only see things through our own eyes no matter how empathetic we might be. I guess I think that must be bullshit. People just don’t see what’s going on. At least, most of them don’t. Plus they are quite judgmental, although I don’t see how they wouldn’t be. Everyone is. All the time.

It gets very confusing to me because people say things that don’t make sense. Maybe they are confusing themselves, or maybe they just don’t look at what they say very clearly. But even though I don’t think what people say makes sense on some of these issues, it still throws me hard, because those are the issues that are extremely important to me.

I don’t know what that was all about, but I’ll stop there. I guess I write to find out what I think. Then I inflict it on everyone here. Fuck it. No one has to read it. I hope they don’t. I hope they do.

I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code.
-Emo Phillips

I trust my instincts and if or when I think someone is talking about me behind my back I’m 99.9 percent sure I’m right. I’m 110% sure I don’t give a rats ass and I’m 100% sure only a few people ever give me a second thought. This is my life and I don’t care what judgments are made about me or the life I lead.

“I don’t know. What is this thing that people have against “all about me?” How could it be any other way? ”

The thing people have against all about me is the lack of empathy this shows for others and their me perspectives.

Of course everything is filtered through our own points of view but the filter process shouldn’t redirect the focus to you if you weren’t the original topic.

@Silhouette Maybe you missed my point. Empathy is “all about me” too. I.e., when you empathize, you put yourself in the other person’s shoes. You’re trying to understand the other person, but you can only do it in the light of your own experience, and trying to bend that experience to fit the other person’s situation. You do it for the other person, but it’s still “all about me” and I don’t see how it could be otherwise.

@wundayatta You do put yourself in their shoes for a moment, you don’t walk away with their shoes, you give them back and tell them what you learned from wearing their shoes. Empahty is not “all about me”.

@Silhouette Wherever you go, there you are.

@wundayatta Yes, but I’m not always the only one in the room. I try not to suck all the oxygen out of the room, I try to leave a little for the people around me.

@wundayatta I was a child when the things I described happened. I had no idea how to control my feelings at that time. As an adult, I learned what I needed to know.

I just tell myself that it’s human nature for people to gossip or talk about you “behind your back”. I can recall my mother pulling faces at my father when his back was turned on various occasions. People talk about me at work, I’ve also caught them pulling faces at me! I remind myself that me, being a very upfront person (meaning I would rather talk to your face than behind your back). There are times when I probably do the same thing. Sometimes I can’t stand the person, sometimes I actually like the person, but can’t stand a habit of theirs.

I realise I have little control “over people, places and situations”. I think if one accepts that there is a comfortability in that idea. There is also a misguided self importance in paranoia a sort of self ego centrality, as though there are no other people around us, only us, matters. If it is so bad for you perhaps seek out drugs to deal with it.

@wundayatta empathy is about hearing a person, correctly and interpreting what they are saying – sympathy is putting yourself in another’s shoes.