Social Question

SomNinja's avatar

Why does spanking turn people on?

Asked by SomNinja (279points) February 8th, 2010

I’ve never understood people getting turned on by being spanked?

Is it the pain or the control – or even some Mommy/Daddy thing going on?

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54 Answers

westy81585's avatar

I think I have read somewhere that like 50% of women are at least mildly turned on by spanking, whilst 70+% of men are very turned off by being spanked themselves.

Not sure what the reasoning is. But the only girl I’ve ever been with that strongly liked it, did have father issues (he wasn’t very “assertive” or the stereotypically “strong father” figure)

JeanPaulSartre's avatar

I don’t think fetishes are really completely something you understand, even if you have them.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Several reasons:

Domination / control and submission;
the pleasure / pain aspect.

Not to mention your lover’s naked fanny laid out right in front of you.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I will only speak for myself – it turns me on because it catches me off guard, because I like my partner to act aggressively towards me during sex, because it feels good and because you just gotta mix it up – I spank my partner because he has the best ass ever.

HGl3ee's avatar

I looooooooooooooooooooove my bum touched!! My SO knows how to get me going anywhere anytime by just putting his hand on my bum and giving a little squeeze or rub; the stimulation is heavenly :D Going to a swift swat with his hand after a little rubbing and grabbing makes me jump him like “white on rice”!! (drools)

syz's avatar

Are we going to go down the list of fetishes?

During really intense sex, the lines between pain and please blur, especially under the influence of endorphins. Sexual stimulation can include (in my case, mild) pain.

ragingloli's avatar

Not me. That is sick lol.

wundayatta's avatar

If you look up the question about this ages ago, I think you’ll find that it stimulates blood flow, which makes the nerves more sensitive or something like that.

trumi's avatar

Daddy issues!

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

It falls into two categories, power transfer/submission and the actual pain stimulus which some find a turn-on in itself, a form of foreplay or an addition to sex itself. Some find that pain at the right moment heightens orgasm.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

It’s all in their head. It lets someone think to themselves “oh I’m so kinky” or “ooo I’m living dangerously.. I’m so bad” or “ooo I am so wild in bed” .. Or perhaps their neurons are just wired incorrectly. XD

Personally I don’t find it as a turn on in the least. But that’s the beauty of relationships… you find out what quirks (good or bad) your partner has and go with it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater isn’t all sexual experience in ‘our head’? and in our bodies? I have no need to be kinky and it’s not about living dangerously, lol, I’m not a teenager – it just feels good. I don’t walk around talking about it (fluther nonwithstanding) and there is nothing wrong my neurons (well no more than there’s something wrong with yours). You know what I think? I think you need a good spanking to change your mind. I can do it if you want.

CMaz's avatar

@CyanoticWasp – GA and RIGHT ON!.

ucme's avatar

Spanking the monkey is especially satisfying when the occasion rises!

Facade's avatar

I’m guessing it’s a fondness of pain and domination.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@Facade I wouldn’t just say “fondness of” and leave it at that, like the person who enjoys doing this is some kind of sick individual for that reason. Part of it has to do with the excitement of being in control of another; that she has ceded this kind of control of her body to you; that’s a huge thrill, to be trusted that much. And for the spankee, some of it is the thrill of ceding that control, and wondering what it will cost you—and being willing, even thrilled—to pay that cost.

Okay, I mixed up my pronouns there a whole lot more than usual. Screw it; this time I’m not going to edit any more.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Look, I’m not going to argue with you about why you do or don’t like being spanked. XD That’s all you. As I said before.. quirks (good or bad) are between you and your partner.

It doesn’t make sense to me because it doesn’t make sense to me. Similarly it makes perfect sense to you because it makes perfect sense to you. Biology is a funny thing.

deni's avatar

@CyanoticWasp has hit the nail right on the head.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater fine, no spanking for you…sigh, walks away

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir with some people it takes whips and chains…

CMaz's avatar

@CyanoticWasp – GA and RIGHT ON!.

phil196662's avatar

@CyanoticWasp ; And cuffs, crops, wax, ice and blindfolds. and a good spanking mixed in there because it gets the blood flowing and some people like to be dominated and told what to do and just to please there partner they just do what they’re told without a second thought… always remembering there safe word

TheLoneMonk's avatar

I could use a good swat or two on the fanny from SDeB.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@TheLoneMonk reeeeally? how interesting

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater If it doesn’t make sense to you, then don’t do it. Between consenting adults, and as long as no lasting harm is done, is entirely the couples business. One of the safety maxims in the BDSM community is “hurt, not harm”.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@TheLoneMonk to paraphrase SdeB herself, “Take your place in the line, bub.”

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Duh.

@whoever I’m totally happy for you folks who need all that extra help to have a good time.I’m just glad I don’t. =) Hell, what’s next? A chainsaw juggling elephant who rides a mongoose? lol

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater whatever gets your rocks off

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater who’s talking about “extra help”? This is just one way (of a great many) to have fun with another… if you both enjoy it.

Do kids “need to have a slide” in a playground to have fun? Hell, no. But they’re fun, too. (And if you haven’t made love on a slide in a playground—after dark, anyway—then you owe yourself the fun.)

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Love and passion. I believe they’ve died in this generation. Now it’s all about the sex. sigh If I weren’t already married it would be an extremely dismal outlook.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater that belief is incorrect – some of complex creatures are capable of love and passion and great sex…try it

SeventhSense's avatar

Because every man deserves a good cup of coffee

ubersiren's avatar

It’s sick? Daddy issues? Sigh… I’m neither sick, nor do I have daddy issues, but I enjoy it. I don’t know why. I just do. It’s not always a dominant/submissive preference. I guess if that’s my worst fetish, I’m getting off easy (no pun intended). There’s a lot freakier stuff out there.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@ubersiren oh c’mon obviously someone with daddy issues would say she doesn’t have daddy issues – eyeroll (man, my eyes are tired)

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Why are you so hostile? Am I not allowed to be different from you? From statements you’ve made in the past I would have thought you to be more understanding of diversity. Am I so far wrong again?

At the very least, your dislike of my beliefs has won you some free lurve from your secret supporter. XD

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater wait, what? I wasn’t hostile to you…what did I say that was hostile? I don’t care that you don’t want to be spanked, really. I swear.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I suppose it’s just your sarcastic way. One of my pet peeves. Because I don’t agree with you I suppose I need to try your way in order to have great sex…. ”try it” .........

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater nooo, that’s not what I meant – I meant try having love, passion and great sex (however it goes for you, no spanking) all together…you were pretty cut and dry with your ‘the world doesn’t care for love and passion, etc’ and I disagreed…because, well, because I have real love in my life and I don’t want you thinking it doesn’t exist.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I’m not sure why you care what I think of your relationship.. especially when I so blatantly said that it’s your business, not mine.

As far as the love, passion, and sex bit…. sex is just sex to me… without the passion it cannot be great. But I fear I’m stranded alone in this era with my romanticism lost in time… likely the 1920’s… XD

I just think there is far more to sex than a good orgasm. Doesn’t anyone think so anymore? Sigh

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater I guess you don’t care about anyone’s relationship other than your own – I’m just trying to tell you that all these hopeless things you think are not hopeless. Sex with passion is great and I’m not even into romanticism so we agree there. And there is far more to sex than a good orgasm. That’s not what we’re discussing. And all this agreeing with you is making my head hurt, :~

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater well, of course there’s more to sex than a good orgasm… or any orgasm, for that matter. (Enforced denial can be quite a trip, too.) What I think we’re trying to tell you, but which you seem to be so dismissive of, is that there’s more than one way to play, too. There are some ways that I have tried and haven’t enjoyed; there are some that I won’t try—or won’t try again—and if you’ve tried spanking and not enjoyed it, then, okay, not your thing. But if you haven’t even tried it and just put down those in this thread who have other opinions, then you’re the one on the wrong side of diversity.

Violet's avatar

I don’t think it has anything to do with a “mommy or daddy thing”. that’s actually kind of insulting I agree with @stranger_in_a_strange_land and @CyanoticWasp

onesecondregrets's avatar

Depends on the person. For me, I’ve got a high pain tolerance and because of that, the harder he can do it..the happier I am- if it stays playful and safe. Also, I don’t know how to explain it but the motion my body makes..like it’s being forced forward..or thrusted forward..reminiscent of a little thing we call sex, haha.

Well gee, I was candid.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Any kind of “kink” is deficult to explain to anyone not into it. Even within BDSM, there are almost as many variations as practitioners. Confined to just the spanking topic, it can vary from barely a tap with the bare hand (as far as I would ever deliver) on up to industrial-strength flogging.

When my lady was “riding cowgirl”, she’d give the signal when ready and a few light swats on the bottom would send her over the edge. We did this as part of an act of love, intensifying her pleasure.

There was no “power trip” involved and certainly nothing to do with anger or domination (some do get off on domination power exchanges, I’m not criticizing them as long as there is mutual consent). I have friends who are into much rougher play. I personally can’t get my head around it, but that’s my problem. It’s analagous, I suppose, to how much and what kind of spices you like in your food.

Our relationship was far more than “just sex”. Sex was one expression of our deep love. Any form of stimulation that improved the quality or intensity of that expression was an additional gift we gave each other and came from that love.

CMaz's avatar

I spank the light switch on the wall… So it will turn on.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land: perfect answer. “This is what we like, and though we know about that other stuff, that’s their thing. We don’t like it, but we don’t judge (against) them because they do.”

Different strokes for different folks, is all.

zebter's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater – “oh I’m so kinky” or “ooo I’m living dangerously.. I’m so bad” or “ooo I am so wild in bed” .. Or perhaps their neurons are just wired incorrectly”

Nice to know what you really think of me.

phil196662's avatar

@zebter ; Not a chance, your just a part of the deep pleasure seekers!

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Remember that if you are doing anything that involves restraint or painful stimulus, get your safewords or signals straight before playing. It’s not a good idea to mix this with mind-altering substances, as these can compromise the ability to give or recognize consent and can change pain tolerances. The objective is pleasure, not harm.

zebter's avatar

Well NaturalMineralWater is my husband it has been interesting to see what he really thinks. lol I got a kick out of reading his posts.. he is so closed minded.

Joybird's avatar

Endomorphic opiate release occurs during pain. Oxytocin and a number of other neurotransmitters are released during sex. Both create a high as well as a tranquilizing effect. Novelty creates the release of feel good neurotransmitters also. You pair these things together in light S&M such as spanking and wacking and you have an intoxicating high. The high subsides with frequent forays into the same behavior across time and is why some people escalate into other “novelties” and escalations into S&M behaviors.
Whose your Daddy now?

nerdyguy609's avatar

Hi everyone…I find that spanking a woman (who likes to be spanked) gets her excited. nerdyguy609

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