General Question

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Who do you think as a whole respect or care for marriage more, straight or Gay people?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (26798points) February 9th, 2010

Who values marriage more out of Gays or straight people? From what I gathered from a past question is that many straight people view cohabitation as equal or superior to getting married, almost as if when one gets married they have a ball and chain attached to their leg or all freedom and fun dies. Many of the reason stated (online and in the real world) was:

• Cheaper, no wedding or ceremony.
• No paper work.
• No official commitment keeping you from bolting if you want to flee a rocky relationship if you don’t want to work at repairing it.
• A useless display to show or prove the love you already know in your heart.
• Less chance getting screwed over if or when the union fails.

Those were some of the main arguments many people gave or cam up with as to avoid the actual official union of marriage and go for like married but not. Yet Gays are fighting tooth and nail, trench by trench for the right to marry. Those who believe marriage is the “unnecessary show for love which you know is in your heart” what would you think they would tell Gays about fighting for “just a ring and a piece of paper” why go through all that fighting for the word “marriage”? And no, this isn’t about Gay marriage it is about people who have the right to marry who take it for granted at best or see it as a nuisance at worse. Do Gays see something in marriage that many straight people seem to be clueless of, and that is why they fight so hard to have what others have but could care less they have it?

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40 Answers

Dr_C's avatar

Respect for marriage comes down to upbringing… not sexual orientation. I don’t believe you can generalize along these lines.

syz's avatar

Gays don’t see anything new or special about marriage that straights don’t, they just want equal rights.

I’d like to know that if I am in the hospital with a life threatening injury, my partner has the right to visit with me, as well as make medical decisions on my behalf. I’d like to know that if I died, she’d inherit the house and bank accounts with a minimum of disruption. Sure, we’ve arranged for right of survivorship, legal power of attorney, and wills designed specifically for our situation (to name only a few of the precautions that we have taken), but that’s no guarantee. My family could easily contest all of those arrangements and make her life hell. All because our long term relationship is not legally recognized as being legitimate.

Val123's avatar

It depends on the person. If they aren’t going to respect their partner, or the institution of marriage, it doesn’t matter if they’re gay or straight.

Shae's avatar

Peopel are people, doesn’t matter if they are gay or straight. There is nothing you can say all gay people are like or all straight people are like.

Cruiser's avatar

Depends on the integrity of the people involved. No set rules apply to either group.

Sarcasm's avatar

You respect something a lot more when it’s just out of reach.
When you’ve had something and been able to piss all over it for millenia, you don’t appreciate it as much.

</gross overgeneralization>

marinelife's avatar

I don’t think you can lump all people of a particular group together. I think there are some straight people who care very much about marriage and some gays who do.

What gays are fighting for is the right to marry. Once they have that right, they will have all the problems of straight people in staying faithful and getting divorces.

Response moderated
Facade's avatar

How does sexual orientation even com into play? This depends on upbringing, personal feelings, etc.

jerv's avatar

I don’t think either group really cares more than the other, but same-sex couples have to endure a lot more crap to stay together.

tinyfaery's avatar

That exact argument is used by many in the gay community, as well. The push for marriage rights is not a positive thing to some in the community. They see no need to continue outmoded lifestyles and they do not seek acceptance from the mainstream for their life choices.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Dr_C Then you are saying that if the % of Gays as a whole collective lean more towards marriage that they do so because that was the home upbringing they had, and that is why? At least that sounds like your explanation.

@syz So of Gays got those safe guards as you say under a bill or law that still was not called or seen as marriage would Gays (as whole collective not each and every one of them) still be fighting for the title “married”?

@Shae Using logic here not all straight people –in fact many—don’t care to be married so it should go without saying that not all Gay people care to be married too. If you were to ask 20 Gay couples in California (where I am at) more of that 20 than not will want the right to marry, equal but called something else won’t cut it. I am speaking of a collective whole just as when we say “mankind” we are not speaking of every single person thinking and being the same on lockstep.

@Sarcasm Gadzooks!!! Someone who actually seem like he had read the question and answered on the spirit of the question and not trying to reduce it to a Gay marriage or not referendum. You seem to have hit the nail on the head more cleaner than anyone so far. Larvae, sea horses, and 100,000 barnacles to you!!!

Dr_C's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Let me answer that with a resounding NO.

My answer refers to respect for marriage being a product of upbringing and being UNRELATED to sexual orientation. There is no realation between the two in my mind. It has nothing to do with whatever your personal taste may be… gay or straight.

Facade's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central I don’t think you understand. You made this question about gay v. straight in you title question. That in itself is wrong and makes it impossible to give you the answers you are looking for.

fireinthepriory's avatar

GA @syz. I know many gay people who don’t want to get married but are fighting for their right to do so – the fight for gay marriage is about rights, not about marriage.

However, being denied marriage may make it more attractive to many people, since they can’t take it for granted. Either way, it’s a construction and not directly due to sexual orientation.

Shae's avatar

@hypocrisy_Central your perception of the world is very different from my perception of the world. I live in a a small town in the deep South, so most of the people around me are heterosexual and they take marriage very seriously. So no my perception is not that heterosexual people take marriage lightly.

But I also have had several homosexual people that were important in my life and all of them were in long term relationships with the loves of their life, so maybe its where you live that makes marriage more important rather than how you reach orgasm.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Shae Now that is a well crafted logical answer I can sink my teeth into. psst Can you teach that to others? Larvae to you!!

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Facade Did I? I qualified the question simply about marriage by saying many straight people care not to be married, and it was really about those unmarried but cohabitating straight people who shun marriage and if maybe Gay people know something about (the wonder, the joy, the happiness) of marriage these cohabitating people who have every right to marry don’t want to exercise because they see it as a step back. Does that help? If any one makes it a Gay vs. straight thing they are free to go back and reread the question, and they can read it more than once, they have my permission to do so. :-)

SomNinja's avatar

I don’t think there’s much difference between straight and gay people – other than sexual preference – so how could I generalise so greatly to give you an answer?

Personally I don’t care if gays marry because I’m straight so it’s not really any of my concern. I certainly don’t care enough to try and stop it happening, anyway.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@SomNinja And that explains why a larger ratio of Gays here in California at least want to be married than the ratio of straight people who can but don’t want to because….......?

Blackberry's avatar

This is an individual assesment. People are raised different so they develop different views based on their experience. Gays just want equal rights…...they could be fighting to be able to eat the same doritos as straight people…’s the principle that matters.

I think the difference would depend more on what type of upbringing i.e. being very religious, or having strong relationship values etc.

filmfann's avatar

I think gay men generally look at marriage with more respect than straight men, but along similar lines as women.

Trillian's avatar

I can’t imagine that sexual orientation would have anything to do with attitudes about marriage. That’s kind of like asking; who has better teeth, gay or straight men? It’s an unfair generalization.

Sarcasm's avatar

To those of you who are saying “There’s no difference between straights and heterosexuals”, you’re mostly right.
But consider two things:
a) This is in the context of marriage
b) One group of people are allowed to marry, all across the globe. Another group of people has very limited marriage capabilities.

Analyze those and think about how that affects a person’s respect for marriage.

Berserker's avatar

The most honest weddings I’ve seen, straight or gay, are the ones that aren’t official. This way, it seems that it really is for love rather than the necessity attributed to it through financial security. Or not.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Symbeline And to all those Gays fighting for that ring, ceramony and piece of paper that officially says “married” you will will tell them what? They are wasting their time because they can have a union more real and honest without being official? What the heck would they be fighting for?

@Trillian And taking the whole Gay community lets just say California so people can stay on point if by % more of them want to get married than the % of nonGay people who can marry but don’t care to would be because of what if it has nothing to do with orientation, upbringing, religion etc? Has to be some reason they are fighting so hard for something others seen as a sandbag in the way or an anchor? Why do you think a great many more Gays want to marry in comparison to nonGay people? Penny for your thoughts and all…...

Berserker's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Whatever the intent behind marriage, I didn’t say it was a waste of time, nor did I say it wasn’t worth fighting for.

lilikoi's avatar

The only difference between straight and gay people is that they are straight or gay.

@Sarcasm Respect for marriage, and valuing the ability to get married are not the same thing.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@lilikoi Ummmmm.that is a new take. Expand please. Where do you see the great difference in just knowing you can marry as oppose to actually wanting to get married?

lilikoi's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central To me, the fight for gay marriage rights has little to do with the symbolism of marriage. It is about equality, about justice, about discrimination. It’s about wanting to see our country mature enough to realize once and for all that people are people, plain and simple. It’s about feeling personally embarrassed that my country is judgmental and unfair and stupid, and pissed off that debating this non-issue is costing me tax dollars that could be used to debate something else.

lilikoi's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central I think the whole idea of marriage is stupid. It is rooted in religion that I don’t believe in. It should not be legally recognized (there is really no need for that), and getting married should not come with special benefits that are not bestowed on single people. To do so is to prop up one religion over others, and therefore it is inherently unjust and discriminatory in itself.

Yet it is legally recognized, it does come with special benefits, and I am not so naive as to think this will change anytime soon. We must either extend this ability to all citizens or to none, but not some.

And so, therein lies the difference in just knowing you can marry as opposed to actually wanting to get married.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@lilikoi “To me, the fight for gay marriage rights has little to do with the symbolism of marriage. It is about equality, about justice, about discrimination.”

Thank you for coming up as many had missed a logical reason even if that i not the only reason why you figure more Gay people pound for pound want to get or be married over those who can but shun it. I can conclude from that if the issue was not marriage but education, Gays would want the right to go to college per se it would not be because they have a thirst for education greater than the populace they would have greater interest because they were told “no, you can’t have this”. Which would also tell me that once they (Gays as a whole) get it to some maybe many it would become as worthless as it is many other nonGay people. Marriage is just a means to an ends….from what you have shown.

Nullo's avatar

Gays can get married, just like straight people.
Just not to each other.

fireinthepriory's avatar

@Nullo Well, I guess technically a gay man can marry a gay woman. And you couldn’t really call that straight marriage. But it’s sure not the kind of gay marriage I want one day!!

Val123's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central You said, “And that explains why a larger ratio of Gays here in California at least want to be married than the ratio of straight people who can but don’t want to because….......?” Where do you come up with the idea that a “larger” ratio of Gays want to be married that the ratio of straight people? Is that your opinion, or do you have some research to back this up?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Val123 When does logic need stats? If you have 500 Gays and 400 of them want to marry but can’t and you have 900 straight people who can marry but 374 don’t care to exercise the right or feel it useless, do the math, the Gays would have a greater number by % of the whole that want it but can’t have it than the straights who have it but don’t and the numbers was for simplicity’s sake. Like 20% short of a whole with the Gay example than near 60% short with straight people.

If you have actual facts to disprove it don’t hide it, share it……….

Val123's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Without back up citation you’re just making some sort of assumption, and putting it out there as fact. I mean, I could say more dogs wish they were cats, than cats wish they were dogs, and make up numbers to “prove” it.

I think your point is, they aren’t allowed to get married at this point, so it might seem logical that if they magically could, it would be more precious to them than it would to someone who has no problems with getting married. But that isn’t really a valid argument because they’re not allowed to, so whether it would be or not is moot.

However, if they were allowed to get married with no hassle, I don’t think they’d be any more or less “committed” than a straight couple.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Val123 Thank you, you have gave me an answer on your take on it. Not what I would have thought and may not be true for all but it is one view of an answer to the question. Thanks.

Nullo's avatar

I’m going to say that the people who respect marriage the most are the ones that aren’t trying to change what it means.

Centaur's avatar

“Gays don’t see anything new or special about marriage that straights don’t, they just want equal rights.”? OMG! When I read this from another commentator, I thought, ‘what a cop-out!’ I thought stereo-typing went out with the last century, but there are still people out there who put others down because of sexuality, religion, culture, class, etc. When will prejudices ever end?

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