General Question

bean's avatar

Have you ever had your ex surprisingly want you back months later after break up?

Asked by bean (1327points) February 10th, 2010

Have you ever had a bad break up and your ex disappears out of your life, leaving you heart broken. Then, months later they try and get you back or start contacting you again… what did you do? how did you deal with it?
What situation were you in? what was the break up like?

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61 Answers

Violet's avatar

oh yes. One specifically comes to mind. I went out with this guy for 4 years. He broke up with me, but I was too much of a wimp to break up with him.
I immediately found a new guy, and a couple weeks later, the ex calls me up saying the break up was a mistake, that he missed me, and wanted to get back with me, etc etc.
I told him I had already found someone else.
I regret finding someone so soon after such a long relationship. I think I should have taken him back. He was a great guy;

Haroot's avatar

Haha no and I doubt I ever will. Stubborn Korean girl. And if for some strange reason she does too bad.

onesecondregrets's avatar

It seems to be an inevitability in my life. I break up with them. Months or even years later they’ve told me it was a huge mistake, they didn’t realize what they had when they had me, tell me they can’t find it in any girl since, and that they made huge mistakes I tried to make them realize they were making while with me but didn’t do anything about. I’m like chyeah dude I don’t say anything without a god damn reason, I wasn’t speaking gibberish. And I have something about self-worth where I wouldn’t take an ex back. If it was supposed to work out for us, it’d have worked out the first and only time. It pisses me off to be quite frank.

Whenever they try to get me back I tell them if they could act a way to get me to leave once, they could do it again and I’m not risking myself on the same person twice..I have done it and gotten it thrown back in my face. They usually think they still have some hope of being with me again, and talk to me for a while, then realize “Shit she really is a little calloused and I have no hope.” then can’t even be my friend, even though I’m totally okay with that option..they. never. are. and it sucks. I like enjoying a person for who they are and not being with them but with guys apparently this doesn’t work out for me.

One situation was someone I dated, he was seeing another girl, like as his girlfriend the entire time.. I was naive gave him a second chance, he did it again like fucking her while fucking me.. Where in someone’s conscience can someone do that? Then I split with him for a while, he came back I said okay, we can try this again, once you fuck me over…GOODBYE. He did the same thing twice, this was my first I said goodbye. We haven’t dated since but he always comes back as a “best friend” aka if he has a girlfriend, breaks up with her, he tries to make me his girlfriend through being my friend and I have to fight off his advances, ie…the “friends” thing never works with me. He says these days he can’t believe the scumbag he was to me when we dated, and he hasn’t done it to a girl since. WHY ME? You fucked me up dude. But oh well.

Another serious one is my ex of a year and a half relationship..he was controlling, and possesive, and verbally and physically..not a nice person. I lost a lot of dignity for myself in that relationship till I told him, fuck you, you’re not allo=wed to see me any more (because he wouldn’t let me break up with he would do anything to not lose me, like even say he’d be okay with me hooking up with other guys just as long as he got to be my “boyfriend”...yeah not healthy) so I had to tell him if he tried to see me I would refuse to see him and to not ever come visit me…he still hates me, it’s been two years..but he says now he realizes he couldn’t imagine how any girl dealt with what I put him through without one) cheating two) leaving earlier three) hating him for life and he wishes we could date again, he really tried, and made advances towards me one time when I saw him..I had to stay strong and not give in ( I was super lonely at the time) He still tries talking t me, mostly when he’s drunk ‘cause dudes are awesome like that and he tells me he’s still in love with me but hates me for what I did..breaking up with him.

Oh well. I don’t get relationships, ever. And I don’t really know if I’ll ever find someone I’ll be happy with. And sorry but I’m a bit tipsy so I word-vomitted on this response, hahahah.

rangerr's avatar

Hahaha. Sit down, and let me tell you a tale.
We dated for 3 years. There were some rough spots where we called off the relationship, but it was always resolved in a day or two. Two days before Christmas, he decided that I wasn’t worth it, and ended the relationship. I didn’t have anywhere else to be for Christmas day due to family issues, and he ended up feeling bad and inviting me to spend the day with his family. I went, and it was nice.

We were friends. Cool. Of course I still wanted to be in a relationship with him, he was my best friend for 3 years which when you’re only 18, that’s a big part of your life. So when two days later, we talked it over and decided to give it one last try , I agreed.
Big. Mistake.
New Years Eve, he decided that he didn’t want anything to do with me at all and blocked any way I had of contacting him. I drove to my cousin’s house two hours away, on New Years Eve and got completely trashed in attempt to forget the situation.
The next day despite the hangover, my cousin’s friend talked me through everything that was going on and made me realize that I really didn’t need to take the shit my ex put me through. It wasn’t a healthy relationship at all. So I sent him an email explaining that I was done with everything because I’m not a fan of ending things on a bad note.

That night, I was still at my cousin’s house and we were watching a movie and I was cuddling, wooo! and my mom calls about ten times until I pick up the phone.
The Ex had texted her things like “I’ll do anything to get her back, I made a mistake.” “If you tell me where she is now, I’ll go pick her up and apologize.” and my favorite: “She’s fucking other guys!” Basically, he went crazy. It only made me more frustrated with the situation, and caused me to block him from everything.

Since then, he’s sent me a few messages via email and facebook apologizing. Honestly, I’ve tried to ignore them. There’s just some things I refuse to accept an apology for. Fucking with my emotions and breaking my heart is one of them. There’s been a few other instances of him being on websites I am on, and yes, it does upset me. I’m trying to get over that entire relationship, and you want to keep showing up in my life where I don’t want you? Fuck you. I’m 100 times better off without you around.

How did I deal with all of it?
Music, Star Wars and talking to friends.
I have to say, this has been one of the ways Fluther has REALLY helped me out.
There’s two of you specifically that have listened to me rant about this, and have cheered me up when I needed it the most. You know who you are, and thank you. I love you guys.

If you even survived reading this far, kudos.

Scooby's avatar

I had a bad break up in 1990, she left & moved to London with the guy she cheated on me with, we’d been together for three years, well I got over it in time had a couple more relationships over the years got married in 1995, in 1999 my wife & I separated prior to divorcing, she had started a relationship with one of her colleagues at work while I was working away from home.. Anyway during the separation the Ex that had dumped me in 1990 had been in contact with my sister, they had remained friends over the years, she’d asked about me, how I was doing etc, when she found out I was separated she asked my sister to arrange a coincidental meeting between us at her house, well it came off, I was at a low ebb, one thing lead to another & we were back in each others arms so to speak, we became bed mates rather than a full blown relationship, it lasted a couple of months then just fizzled out, she was into drugs now in a big way, it would never have lasted like that but she did get me through my dark times I guess, that was ten years ago, never seen her since, last I heard she moved back to London with the same guy as before!!?? :-/

bean's avatar

@onesecondregrets and @rangerr LOL those guys didn’t know what they wanted… jeeze, good riddens… sorry you weren’t strong enough to do it sooner… I know what that is like.

rangerr's avatar

@bean A very smart person told me [about not doing it sooner] “Well, now you know.”

bean's avatar

@rangerr exactly, atleast you find out where you stand

BoyzUp's avatar

Yes, but only for sex and you both wanted this

qashqai's avatar

I had. But that’s a sad story.
Let me tell you a funny one.

One of my closest friends was left by his girlfriend when they were on holiday. She left him for the classic stranger you meet when you are on vacation in some tropical island. He decided he couldn’t stay there longer, and the day after took a plane to come back home. One week later, he found her waiting in front of his house, crying. He drove her home, listened to her, they kissed, and they eventually made love the same night. (He didn’t tell her he decided to leave for that project abroad he decided to accept right after he came back from holiday). The morning after, while she was still sleeping, he left 50$ somewhere near her bed, with a note saying something like “thank you for your ‘service’, you are a pro” and walked straight to the airport. Wow.

Jack79's avatar

Yes, almost all of them. Even if some might not admit it openly. One actually came coming back over and over again until I gave her a second chance 14 years later, but it didn’t work out. I actually bumped into one of my ex gfs a few mins ago.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

No. I once pushed for a reconciliation with an ex and it proved to be futile because after an amount of hurt and disappointment then reconciliation feels foolery. Done is done. The one person I should have taken back, I didn’t but I learned lessons from that experience on how to pay better attention to what’s important, what to keep trying for.

bean's avatar

I haven’t had my ex want me back but he had it real good, a girlfriend who paid for everything just because she was weak, looked after him, showered him with affection and love and in return she was given constant excuses, he decided to not want her as much anymore and talked behind her back, when he was suffering from depression and so insecure and scared she would leave him she was there and supported him, but when she is diagnosed with bipolar depression and adjustment disorder with mood depression the best thing he could do was tell her he wanted space and back stabbed her while still asking for money… a couple of months later after he completely disappeared and cut off all communication she didn’t contact him at all but suddenly he sends her a message and jokes and she didn’t know how to take that as flirting or him just being nice… but she was nice back…

If he ever comes back I think I have to stay strong, cut him out completely, if he starts to act nice there is obviously a hidden intention and I’m not letting him do that to me ever again…
During the relationship I probably didn’t react well or do the right thing, but I was such a patient girlfriend, I took his lies, and when he lied to me and I wouldn’t believe it he would get angry at me and say he’s doing nothing wrong, my friend was so worried about me at the time she would always give me a very worried look whenever he was obviously lying again…

I think this is the best thing for me, I just have to get over the heart break and if he comes back I have to find the strength to say no more. Only thing I would like to see is if he does or doesn’t begin to realize how unappreciative he was. But he is so immature I think it will take a long time.

BoBo1946's avatar

Been down that road once! Did not know she was involved with someone before we got back together….think they were involved while we were married the first time. Anyway, due to my son, got back with her and it lasted two months and she skipped town and married this guy three days after the second divorce was final. The guy was 17 years older than her and had money.

Okay, approx. 20 yrs later, she and him returned to the area where we lived and she pulled out in front of a car and he was not fatally injured, but died about 6 months later. He was a vegetable almost during those 6 months.

So, be aware of their motives….in my case, apparently they broke up and there was me… i broke up with a WONDERFUL lady to remarry my ex….only reason i did it, for my son…one of my many mistakes in my life.

Sophief's avatar

Yes actually. I split from first serious boyfriend when I was 21, after around 5 or 6 months he just called me one day and said can you come round. So without any questions asked, I went round. He was asleep, so I slept on the floor at the side of his bed. (I think he was drunk at the time, and felt he had to get back with me). We then had a 4 month relationship, but he regretted it and he did everything I didn’t like, but I tolerated it because I was so happy to have him back, in the end, he had to be a man and end it himself. I was devasted.

augustlan's avatar

Yes, several times. Both of the guys who ever broke up with me (one of whom I took back the first time but not the second time he tried, and one I didn’t), and many of the guys that I broke up with. I seemed to have the constant problem of them falling ‘in love’ with me while I was only in it for fun. I’ve only ever been really in love twice, and I married each of them.

Sophief's avatar

@augustlan Your a bigamist??

augustlan's avatar

Hahaha… one at a time. ;)

bean's avatar

@BoBo1946 JEEZE…. slut much :S dump her dump her good!

BoBo1946's avatar

@bean go’s to show, you never know a person!

bean's avatar

@BoBo1946 Some people can just be so horrible…. I don’t even know if they feel any remorse or guilt or regret…. I don’t understand it either, how they can be so heartless to treat some one like as such and still be sweet to their face…
They play you until they don’t have you…. but they had it coming – if they want to risk something like that CLEARLY no real feeling at all, and they are good gone!

See I don’t think my boyfriend would come back even if he does regret, his giant fat ego/pride would nnneeevvvveeeerr allow it…. But i don’t know for sure, all I know is compared to most girls, I was so silly as to be there for him and give him so much and pay for everything because I didn’t mind because I loved him, I tried to support him when I was depressed myself, and until he does more crap to me I just got worse… my friends even think he has a brain at least, he’s bound to regret because they saw how good he was getting it…. even my family sees how much I did for him… I’m sure his family questions how the hell did he even buy anything when he’s broke and so would his friends…. but he’s probably said it differently, only because he’s at an age where he doesn’t want to admit he is wrong… most importantly I’d just like to have no feelings what so ever for him anymore.

BoBo1946's avatar

@bean yes, certainly understand your comments. So, with that experience that you and i had, hopefully we learn from it. For this reason, if i were young again, would take it slower and be more aware of their motives before giving myself to them. Some men/women, have motives that are deceitful! It takes time with that person to see that.

Today, I’m dating a lady, but with both eyes open. VERY wide…loll

bean's avatar

@BoBo1946 yes! true hahahaha, i’m only 19 and had one relationship…. sought of have some one new so i’ve learned enough to not let some one take advantage over me and do what I’m comfortable with!

BoBo1946's avatar

@bean good for you girl!

bean's avatar

@BoBo1946 thank you :)

Cruiser's avatar

45 minutes after I got home from standing in front of the judge getting my marriage annulled, my ex called and said she thinks she made a mistake….ya think!!! I slammed down the phone on the bitch.

bean's avatar

@Cruiser wow…. thats harsh of her…. you don’t divorce some one and then throw it in their face again by realizing ‘oh I might love them and now i don’t have them anymore’ divorce or marriage is not something to be toyed with like that :S

JesusWasAJewbot's avatar

Ive only wanted one to want me back…still waiting and will continue too.

bean's avatar

@JesusWasAJewbot awww… what happened? did you break up with them or did they break up with you?

JesusWasAJewbot's avatar

@bean – Chased a close friend for many years, things didnt work out trying long distance which dissolved our friendship. Few yrs later she moves to NYC and so do i, she apologizes for everything she put me through and said she wants to try again, things must be fate since we are both near each other again.

Same thing happened, lost my friend again. I was way more into it then she was, more into her then she was into me it seems though she said “loved me”.

“Forever, forever, ill walk a thousand miles just to tell her, to tell her, our love is still alive and ill never, ill never, ill never let it die but you better watch your step, shes a diamond on a landmine”

Feels more like that for me :D.

bean's avatar

@JesusWasAJewbot awwwww hahaha, good luck! hope things work out!

JesusWasAJewbot's avatar

@bean – Doubtful, that girl is COLD BLOODED. I often find myself (when drunk) texting her little things like – hi…uh hi…how have you been? And she’ll text back normally but then it gets bad – “why do you love me still” “you shouldnt be interested in me” “ill never change”.

I do it to myself though…i keep hope when i should give up.

Haleth's avatar

One of my exes tries to get in touch with me every few months or so. Dating him was a lot of fun for a while, because he had a really goofy sense of humor and was very laid back. We liked all the same video games and nerdy stuff like movies and anime. And he was unbelievably hot. (He was a 6’3 black man with a deep southern accent, dreadlocks, glasses, and dimples with a great body… wow.) Anyway, after a while I guess we both got bored. We were supposed to hang out one night and he cancelled, so I went out with some friends and went home. Then we just never called each other. We were both really laid back, and neither of us really took much initiative to do anything new or adventurous. I met someone new who is the complete opposite- really interesting, adventurous, and upbeat. He jokes that if he were as chill as me, nothing would ever get done around here. :p

bean's avatar

@JesusWasAJewbot maybe, deep down it has become the chase that you are addicted too… I don’t see any reason why you should be hurting your self over a girl who is cold… she’s toying with you… it’s time to let go (It can be hard) but it is a lost cause… she’s bad news, take the opportunity to find some one new, who won’t keep hurting you…

JesusWasAJewbot's avatar

@bean – Oh it has too be because all my friends tell me how nuts i am lol.

Cruiser's avatar

@bean Yep harsh is a good way to put it!

Tenpinmaster's avatar

Oh yea, they usually do once they realize how good they had it before or they may have a moment of clarity that they actually had true feelings for you. Sometimes it’s because they are just lonely. I had an ex that broke into my place, stole from me to feed her alcohol habit and cheated on me with her “friend.” A couple months, 1 child (from the other guy), and 1 eviction on her end later, she wanted to “patch things up” wow.. really? It’s amazing how people come around when they realize you were giving them food, heat, light, shelter, and entertainment for nothing in return but their trust and love.

Tenpinmaster's avatar

@Haleth You know its funny.. I was thinking that if i had a girl that was exactly like me, it wouldn’t work out at all! lol! I love my girl so much because she’s not like me.. I’m pretty passive and relatively low key. She is very outgoing, and is very blunt with what she has to say. :-) She’s absolutely wonderful and exciting!

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

It’s been years and he still bugs me

ubersiren's avatar

Yes. We dated in high school for a while, then again in our college years. We moved in together, got pregnant and lost a baby together. Then, he decided he didn’t love me anymore and I was destroyed. He told me that I had 48 hours to move out. There’s more to the actual break up that would take a lot of time to tell about, so I’ll leave it out. He disappeared and I didn’t see or hear from him again, until the day he contacted me. It was a few months later, and I was still in a depressive haze when he called and wanted me back. We met up at a Christmas party and ended up spending the night together. He told me it was the mistake of his life… blah blah blah. I was foolish enough to take him back. He broke up with me again, exactly one month later. As if the first time, he didn’t damage me enough. Within weeks he had moved in with another girl in Oklahoma (moved from Maryland). I felt really betrayed, but they’re married now, so I guess it was all meant to be. He could’ve been nicer about it all, but I’m happy now, which is all that matters. Plus, I had revenge sex with some of his friends and ex band members. :)

bean's avatar

@ubersiren LOL jeeze… what a dick head… mmm…. he has such wonderful friends….. that care about him so much…. :P enough to go for the ex….

aprilsimnel's avatar

No, he didn’t want me back, he just wanted to be my friend, and contacted me out of the blue 2 years ago after my not being in touch with him for 7 years previously. I wouldn’t have ever known he contacted me had I not checked an old email account in order to cancel it, and there it was, sitting in my mailbox, having only been sent a hour or so before.

I didn’t want to be his friend, though, since after we broke up, the fog of lust lifted from me and I saw that I didn’t really like him as a person. I deleted his email, silently wished him happiness in my mind and hoped that he wouldn’t be too offended that I didn’t return the note. He was the happy-go-lucky sort when I knew him, so I reckon he wasn’t too sad about it.

CMaz's avatar

Is that not expected after a break-up?

Ya don’t know what ya got till it’s gone.

TheJoker's avatar

Not exactly…. but in a roundabout sort of way…. possibly!

davidbetterman's avatar

Yes, Oh shucks, hold the phone…that was me wanting her back sobs

IBERnineD's avatar

My sophomore year of college I broke up with my boyfriend of a little over a year, because he had become manipulating and well emotionally abusive. It was as if it was his relationship and I was just there to play the part of the girlfriend. So, I broke up with him. He was actually surprised and VERY angry so we didn’t speak for months afterwards. He contacted me one day out of the blue and wanted to take me out to dinner. I agreed since we were good friends before we dated and I didn’t want to loose that. He took me to my favorite restaurant, and we had a great time. When we drove up to my apartment complex, he asked for me to stay because he had to say something to me. He then proceeded to read me the most incredible speech (I guess you could call it) that he had written. He acknowledged everything he did to hurt me in the relationship, down to the days they happened. He even talked about how he fixed things, how we can work on things. He professed his love to me and explained every thing he wanted to be for me, everything he wanted to do for me, and he even began to cry half way through reading it. It was one of the hardest things for me to look him in the eyes afterwards, accept his apology, and tell him I didn’t feel the same way anymore because of the way he treated me, but I still cherished his friendship and we could work on that.

Today (two years later) I go out to drinks with him periodically and we get a long great! We can talk about our relationship, and laugh at some of the things that happened because we were both so immature. He cringes sometimes if I bring up something I find funny now, because it was just so stupid, but I find out he regrets. He apologizes every time I see him.

CMaz's avatar

Shit, I have been known to call girls that I broke up with over 20 years ago. ;-)

aprilsimnel's avatar

@ChazMaz, why? I’m curious.

I’m one of those people for whom when it’s over, it’s over, and I may privately reminisce once in a while, but I don’t go back. I couldn’t imagine contacting any of my exes again.

CMaz's avatar

I guess it comes down to what the imagination does with time.
And, time heals all wounds. So to speak.

I get curious if they ever think of me from time to time. Like I think of them.
Every woman in my life has been special to me.
Sometimes, things just do not work out for one reason or another.

Judi's avatar

How about 30 years later? He broke my heart big time back then. It was nice to be able to see that I was really better off without him. My current husband is so better. His contact, and regret was a truly liberating experience for me!

aprilsimnel's avatar

@ChazMaz – Aw, that’s a nice way to think about it. I have the feeling that most of my exes probably think I’m still a psycho and don’t remember me with any fondness. :/

Good for you that you have such nice places in your heart for your exes.

CMaz's avatar

“Good for you that you have such nice places in your heart for your exes.”

Yea, but I get the feeling that they think I am the crazy one. ;-)

life_after_2012's avatar

I have been that guy to try and waltz back into me ex’s life and vica versa. its never worked out for me, so i just stick to my guns

SomNinja's avatar

Yes – we broke up for a year and Police were involved and everything. BIG break up where everything went wrong – although it was only words that did the damage between us.

Then we got back together againand were better than ever, after a few teary exchanges at the start.

They say you should never go back – but you should do whatever you think is right, because it’s rare that ‘They’ have your best interests at heart.

evandad's avatar

Most have, if they’ve been around for any length of time. It’s usually a mistake. You start recognizing the things that lead to the breakup pretty quick.

bean's avatar

@aprilsimnel I am the same, but when they say it’s over, it’s over for me. I’m weak I have yet to find out what I would do when I break up with some one.

Though, with my first relationship (most recent one) I didn’t take it well at all, during the day I felt fine, but at night I felt terrible and went to a bar for the first time and got very drunk… The next day I couldn’t believe that we had broken up so I went and waited at his for 30 minutes (I sound like a major loser doing all this), he said to me he still loved me… and would call me that night… he never did, turned off his phone… it’s been 6 months, since then I have completely not contacted him… But 3–4 months in he started messaging me and catching up… I was so confused but I wanted to be nice… after that we haven’t talked since… and what he had done to me through out the relationship I just want to be stronger to tell him get lost..

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