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ShipwrecksInSand's avatar

Why do my parents dislike my happiness?

Asked by ShipwrecksInSand (173points) February 19th, 2010

im not the type to get into mischief..i never have been..
yet my parents think if i go out..im gonna go do drugs or something
now the real dilemma is that i like playing video games..sometimes when i start..i play for like 10 hours a day on weekends when i have nothing else to do..my parents get mad at that and tell me to go outside..i stop playing video games and watching tv..i go outside and then they tell me im being a rebel and that im floating away from them..its either i stay home and watch tv..or im out actually doing something..both make them angry.

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17 Answers

lilikoi's avatar

Sounds like my parents. My best advice is to focus on getting the hell out of there. It worked for me.

essieness's avatar

I’m sorry you feel this way. I’m assuming you’re a teenager… things will get better.

First of all, playing video games for 10 hours really isn’t good for you. You need to feel the sunshine on your face, interact with people, get some fresh air. That’s probably why your parents are wanting you to go outside.

Now when you say you go outside, do you mean you’re going somewhere? As in, away from the house? Or are you literally just going outside of your house to play or read or whatever it is you do?

If you’re actually going somewhere, then it sounds like they just want to spend time with you, based on what you said about them telling you you’re being a rebel and floating away from them. If you’re either gone or in your room playing video games, then they’re missing you, more than likely.

This is so normal, and it will pass. If I were you, I’d indulge them with a little bit of attention. Hang out and talk to them for a little bit. Maybe they just don’t know how to tell you they miss you.

hug_of_war's avatar

Youŕe too young to appreciate everything they do for you. You think you know everything, that your parents are trying to make everything harder, which is very likely not the case.

ShipwrecksInSand's avatar

this is all weekend talk..its been like 7 months since the last i hung out with someone outside of school..why? you might ask..its because my parents dont trust anyone..they have met my bestfriend more than 100 times..and yet i still cant hang out with him..
when i say somewhere..it could be a friends house..or anywhere that isnt home..im being a “rebel” when ever i do want to get sunshine..its not that i dont appreaciate them..in my family.you get hit if you even think of being unappreciative so..thats not the case..

rangerr's avatar

….How old are you?

ninjacolin's avatar

maybe you don’t deserve happiness, have you ever thought of that?
;) jk

it’s a mistake to think parents always know what they’re doing. if they knew this was such an issue for you, and if they knew of a more intelligent way to treat you.. don’t you think they would be doing it?

it may seem like they have some sort of plan for you, but they don’t. they don’t really know whether you should be coming or going. they don’t dislike you being happy. there’s no hidden agenda. they’re simply not thinking clearly. don’t try to dig around for some hidden wisdom in their ignorant ways. just converse with them. let them come to know what your sense of morality is like.

Cruiser's avatar

Sounds to me like you are working hard at not trying to earn their trust in your ability to be responsible with your time and choices. It’s a crazy mixed up world out here…I dread what my boys are up against and you should appreciate the concern your parents have about you. Work with them not against them and your life will turn around and become less of a battle with them.

marinelife's avatar

I know this sounds counterintuitive, but try talking to your parents.

Try telling them you like to hang out with your best friend, and they have met him so ask why you can’t.

Ask why they don’t trust you. Ask what you can do to get them to loosen the reins a bit.

Then genuinely listen to what they say. Have this dialogue when you have not been fighting. Stay calm. think out what you want to say ahead of time.

Playing video games 10 hours a day does not show maturity or a healthy lifestyle.

lilikoi's avatar

To all the folks that said try to reason with the parents and appreciate them, if you are dealing with truly over-protective, controlling, OCD parents this is not always possible. Sometimes the only option you have is to leave, and sort things out from a distance. It really depends on the situation, which we cannot fully understand with the info provided.

slick44's avatar

parents have a tough job, cut them some slack. raising kids is the hardest job there is.they just want whats best for you. try to understand. somday you will see they did it all for you.

DominicX's avatar

I disagree with the notion of parents being infallible because they’re always doing everything “in your best interest”. How do you know they’re not doing things in their best interest but have simply mistaken it for their child’s best interest? How about parents who force their kid to participate in a sport because they want that, but maybe the child doesn’t want that so much.

Every time I see a question like this, I always stress the same thing: communication. You have to explain to them exactly how you are feeling. You say that they’ve met your best friend many times, but they don’t trust him. Ask them why they don’t trust him. You say they’re not satisfied with you staying inside or being outside, well, that’s highly contradictory. Find out exactly what would satisfy them. Talk to them. It isn’t just kids who need to listen, parents need to listen as well. Communication is two-sided.

This is not to say that every parent can be reasoned with that easily. Sometimes they truly are not good parents. If that is the case then I would just wait until you’ll old enough to stop living with them.

ShipwrecksInSand's avatar

you guys are all helpful..but the point im trying to make is they arent from here..theyre from the middle east and its not the same here then it is their obviously..
i cant reason with them about much..my brothers got hit by my dad until they were 18 because they tried voicing their opinions about stuff like this..thats why i dont want to approach them about it

YARNLADY's avatar

It sounds to me that what you call happiness is irresponsible and unhealthy. Parents wouldn’t be doing their jobs if they allowed their child to get away with that kind of behavior.

marinelife's avatar

@ShipwrecksInSand Ah, you are dealing with cultural differences. That is a very different and difficult situation that you find yourself in. There is a limited amount that you can do. Perhaps enlist a relative who is of their generation, but who sees your side of things to intervene on your behalf. Otherwise, you have a long road until you reach your majority. I am sorry that you are caught between the cultural influences.

lonelydragon's avatar

I can see how cultural differences would play a role, but parents of all nationalities can be like that. My parents were, and they are American! Some parents are very controlling, and they have a problem when a child makes a decision to do something for him/herself, even if it’s something as innocuous as going outside.

Really, it depends on how often they expect you to be present. If what you say is true, and your friends aren’t bad influences on you, then refusing to let you see your friends for 7 months is unhealthy and extreme, IMHO.

@essieness: That’s a possibility. But if what the OP says it’s true, then his parents are being very contradictory by telling him to go outside and then accusing himself of being distant. They told him to go outside, after all.

hippigirl's avatar

good old fashioned narcissism.

YARNLADY's avatar

My Chinese Daughter In Law points out this: Chinese fathers believe “An obedient child is a happy child”.

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