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elman25's avatar

how do I tell my girlfriend of 3 years she is getting chubby?

Asked by elman25 (159points) March 5th, 2008 from iPhone

for her health ofcourse! ... : /

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

26 Answers

needleinthehay's avatar

if you’ve been dating for 3 years, surely you’re comfortable enough with each other to ask her without angering her, right?

smart1979's avatar

Don’t tell her she’s getting chubby, tell her that you want to try and get in shape, and ask her if she would like to go to the gym with you or try to start eating healthier. After 3 years you kinda become a team, and need to help each other get motivated in ways like this.

elman25's avatar

yea but its still a sore subject for any female

elman25's avatar

I did .. Right now I’m doing weight watchers and I’m not fat I played baseball for 9 years I just want to eat better and all she says is she doesnt need it.. I have no respose to that

smart1979's avatar

Then tell her that you need her help and you can’t do it alone. Weight Watchers is a great program if you follow it correctly btw. I’m currently doing it with my girlfriend to lose the weight we gained when we quit smoking last year.

elman25's avatar

yea so far its been working great its just hard to get her on it wen she’s just not that motivated but thanks for the help I just need to try harder

smart1979's avatar

Another suggestion – plan some fun stuff to do on the weekends that involve fitness. Go hiking, or bike riding, plan a picnic where you have to walk out to somewhere, etc. good luck!

Noon's avatar

I’ll have to say I’m against any of these subversive ideas. ie. Planning a hike, forcing healthy food on her. If is really a problem, then talk to her. Tricking her into doing stuff won’t change her motivation any, and may kill any motivation she had in the first place when she finds out what you’ve been doing.

And I’m only for this if this is truly a concern about her health. If you are getting thin and she isn’t joining the band wagon, but is still healthy, then you either have to become comfrtable with a chubby girlfriend, or decide of you are going to leave somone based on their looks.

squirbel's avatar

Doing fitness stuff together is the best option. When you have to talk about it, make it neutral – so that it is not deceptive. A couple who does outdoor activities together bonds more than the couple that works/eats/sleeps. In fact, any mutual activity has the same effect.

You obviously love her, and care about her. Doing something together for the sake of closer bonding is not deceptive even if the bonus result is having her return to the shape you remember.

Most people gain weight from passivity rather than overeating.

Response moderated
squirbel's avatar

buster needs to change his name.

elman25's avatar

yea its not about my insecurity b cuz she is still amaLying banging! Its just eating healither wouldn’t hurt.. But thanks for the suggestions

nikipedia's avatar

Ask her if everything is okay! Why is her weight suddenly changing? Is she sick, depressed, stressed out?

Queensy's avatar

Just get her to eat more healthy food and do more exercise.
See if that makes a change,if not ask if anything is wrong and try to sort it out!

cwilbur's avatar

Odds are she knows she’s gaining weight; it’s not as if she never looks in the mirror.

Figure out what’s up and offer to help. There’s a big difference between “You’re getting fat, and you need to shape up” and “I’ve noticed you’ve gained a few pounds – is everything OK?”

Trying to trick her into losing weight won’t work; the best you can hope for is to give her an ego-saving in so that she can participate in your diet without admitting that she needs it too. If you approach it that way, you are more likely to get somewhere.

gailcalled's avatar

cwilbur is spot-on. All women know – simply by how the jeans zip (or don’t). How would you like her to deal w. a similar problem if it were yours? And it is not a question of more effort on your part. Ultimately, one’s weight or appearance is really personal, and tough.

(busteretc. is spot-off. Thank you, moderators.)

smart1979's avatar

btw for the record, i’m not saying to try and trick her with hiking and stuff, it really is fun stuff to do, and is a lot healthier than going out for pizza or whatever. I’m just suggesting a little healthier lifestyle that could help. But definitely putting the focus on both of you is huge, since there is almost never a situation where one person is super in shape and going to the gym and the other is the opposite.

kfiz's avatar

Dude. Time to get a new girlfriend!

DJM's avatar

just tell her u have never seen her weigh as much in 3 years. Get real, if she can’t handle if, forget it.

srv240's avatar

I’m in the same position. I’m athletic, work out religiously and could get a thinner, hotter chick if I wanted. For better or worse, I’m in love with her and can’t just trade her out. She’s been under some stress lately which I think is contributing to it. She’s also getting self conscious about it though my mind screams, “Then do something about it!”. I realize from reading the posts that I CAN“T tell her she’s getting fat. Its not a matter of not being able to communicate with her but not wanting to destroy her feelings and adding to the stress. Sometimes you have to bite your tongue for the ones you love or care about. I’m going the route of getting her to work out with me. I’m also telling her that I plan on having an active lifestyle and I would hope my partner, lifelong or otherwise would as well.

Judi's avatar

Men like to fix things. Unfortunately, when it comes to this, it is all up to her. There is nothing you can do to “fix” it. When she is ready to loose weight she will loose it, or not. Since you’re not married, you have to decide if you still care for her even if she gets fat.

slack's avatar

dont tell her she will get really mad. i have three sissters i would know so dont do it. you can hint about it but thats it.

sands's avatar

This is a very sensitive subject for most people. Maybe you can tell her that you would like to begin working out together as you would like to improve your health, flexibility, etc. and then take it from there. Or at Christmas or some occasion where gift giving occurs, you can present her with a membership to the gym that you go to or would like to start going to, or whatever. Make it a team effort so that she doesn’t feel singled out. This is a situation where being direct may really cause some hurt feelings and overall negativity.

slack's avatar

thats a good idea you should do what they just said its a good idea. my friend did that with his girlfriend and it worked really good.

ccbatx's avatar

Don’t say it at all. It will most likely upset her. Just ask if she wants to go running with you or something

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