General Question

mysecret's avatar

What do you do when you love two people?

Asked by mysecret (13points) March 8th, 2010

The song goes: If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with.

Assuming that open relationship is not an option, what is this the best advice for someone in love with two people? What if there are kiddies involved?

Doesn’t the rose get crushed in that glove? Can’t the eagle eat the dove?

These are the lyrics:
If you’re down and confused
And you don’t remember who you’re talkin’ to
Concentration slip away
Cause your baby is so far away.
Well, there’s a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can’t be with the one you love
Love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with
Don’t be angry, don’t be sad,
Don’t sit cryin’ over good things you’ve had,
There’s a girl right next to you
And she’s just waiting for something you do.
Well, there’s a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can’t be with the one you love
Love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with
Turn your heartache right into joy
She’s a girl, you’re a boy,
Get it together make it nice
Ain’t gonna need anymore advice.
Well, there’s a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can’t be with the one you love
Love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

18 Answers

Cruiser's avatar

You answered your own question very nicely. Love the one you are with. You get a GC and a GA! +6

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Love them carefully. And separately, if you know what’s good for you.

escapedone7's avatar

If it is love, and true love… think about what is best for the other person (people), What is best for this one? What is best for that one? Think about it in terms of how they deserve to be treated, what kind of future you might be holding them back from, and things like that. Put your own needs and desires, and even pain, aside.. True love would do that.

Bronny's avatar

there is no one meant to be. love is a choice and I agree you should choose to love the one you’re with.

partyparty's avatar

Think you can only truly love one person at a time. Each may have their own qualities, but only one will have that special something.

And only you know the answer to that.

Haleth's avatar

The heart wants what is wants. What do you really want?

john65pennington's avatar

You take out extra life insurance, since two is company and three is a crowd.

YoH's avatar

Maybe ask yourself if you love them differently or for different reasons, and then ask how would the two of them feel knowing your answers.

wundayatta's avatar

It is terribly complicated. The first principle, I think, is to do as little harm as possible—to your loves and to yourself. Sometimes this means cutting off a relationship before it gets too intense. Sometimes you pass the point of “too intense” before you even realize what is happening.

Sometimes your circumstances force you to make a choice. Do the loves know about each other? If not, then when they find out (and conventional wisdom says they will find out, no matter how careful and secretive you are), you may be forced to make a choice, or you may lose one and be left with the other, or you might even lose them both. However, there are no guarantees about anything and you could easily be left alone.

There may be other circumstances involved—children, jobs, assets, etc. In the heat of passion, you might find it easy to say you’ll give up all that in order to be with one of your loves. But will you?

In a way, it is a horrible situation, because society wants you to choose. Perhaps one of your loves wants you to choose. It is hard—almost impossible for most people to share. The polyamorous are a small community, and it sounds like that’s not something that is an option here.

I have a question (or set of questions) for you. Why do you think you have more than one love? Is there something missing inside you that can not be filled by one love? Or is it a situation where you have room in your heart for more than one person? Is this a hidden self-destructive impulse? Is this about the excitement? The drama? Is it about being different? Forging your own path?

I think it is very difficult to be in a situation like this. I suspect that if polyamory is not an option, you will be forced to choose at some point. It may be causing you significant stress and anxiety, and when you have to choose, it may tear you apart. Good luck. Eventually, you’ll need it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Since an open relationship isn’t an option, you have to do what’s best for you and your kids and you have to choose.

thriftymaid's avatar

Make a decision; that’s all you can do if you truly want a committed relationship. I know of one case where the decision was neither. She is now happily married to someone and never thought her decision to be the wrong one.

stump's avatar

It is better for everyone if you make a decision between the two people. If you truly love both, think of what is best for them. And let one go.
I think the glove is holding the stem of the rose.
Yes, the eagle could eat the dove, but I think he would rather get it on.

CMaz's avatar

Pick one.

ModernEpicurian's avatar

I honestly believe that you cannot truly love two different people.
If you loved Person A first, then when you realised that you may be Falling for B your feelings for A mustn’t be enough, you would therefore call off the relationship with A as you do not wish to hurt them.
But that’s the answer from a child screwed up by a Mum screwing around and the unfaithful touch of more than one girlfriend.

Who knows, maybe that made me bitter?

Axemusica's avatar

“What do you do when you love two people?” Well now, that’s easy. You make a choice.

DoubletapZ's avatar

You can’t have your cake an eat it too. In the literal sense, this does defeat the purpose of cake, but we’re not talking literal here. You’re going to have to make a choice. It’s not fair to either of you to split your affections between the two, so choose and choose wisely.

MissA's avatar

Play the scenarios out in your mind…what would happen if A found out? Could you really do that to them? Same with B. Make sure you’re totally self-sufficient with regard to assets. And, how will this affect your children? Play out the worst case scenarios before hand. That way you have a plan of action, should the worst occur. You truly are playing with fire. Would you like to be either A or B yourself? Ein Prosit.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther