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Jude's avatar

How to discover who you really are?

Asked by Jude (32112points) March 9th, 2010

I’m going through a bit of self-discovery, folks. At 37, I’m trying to “find myself”.

For you, how did you discover yourself?

“In the middle of the journey of our life I came to myself within a dark wood where the straight way was lost.”
~ Dante

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31 Answers

Jude's avatar

I just found this. I’m going to give it a read..

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I have thought about this often in the last year and I have discovered that I am the same person that I’ve always been.;) I know myself very well and am quite alright with it.I would say the key is to not let others determine your happiness.Good luck,jjmah.

davidbetterman's avatar

Watch and listen very closely to how you respond to people and situations.
And don’t forget to have heart…miles and miles of heart!

OneMoreMinute's avatar

I don’t think the game is about “Finding Yourself” as much as it is about “Creating Yourself”
I used to think it was though. And decades of trying to find myself was proven futile.
What a waste of my life.
I’d like to burn those books right off the planet.
Just create as you please.

Cruiser's avatar

Ask yourself if you found out you only had one week left to live, would you be happy about how you lived your life?? You will find yourself in that answer.

wundayatta's avatar

I think you are who you really are, already. Discovering is about observing yourself. For example, I love to ask questions and to analyze the hell out of things. People often tell me I think too much. But I don’t. I think enough for me. I think because I enjoy figuring shit out. I think because I like to be able to explain things.

When I was young, I felt like there was something wrong with me for thinking so much. Over the years I realized that I love it, and so it doesn’t matter what anyone else says. I’ll think as much as I like. If it brings me excess angst or worry, too bad. It also makes me happy.

So watch what you do. Watch how you behave with others. Watch how you think. Especially watch when you find yourself doing something you “shouldn’t” do. Those, I believe, are key, because they show you want you do despite a lot of pressure to not do it. Like me and thinking.

It will probably take a while because you may constantly question your observations. You will constantly want to be who you think you should be instead of who you are. Like I just found out that I’ve been codependent for years. I always knew I was afraid of being alone, but I didn’t understand this model of relationships that fits me to a T. It may not be a nice thing to be or a happy thing to be, but it is definitely part of who I really am. At the moment.

Who you really are changes. Some of it is because you want to change, and some of it happens in response to circumstances and you don’t even notice it. Unless you are observing carefully. Who you are is who you are, right now. Not who you want to be. Not who you were. It’s who you are, and all you have to do is to watch and you’ll see it.

Jude's avatar

“Who you really are changes. Some of it is because you want to change, and some of it happens in response to circumstances and you don’t even notice it. Unless you are observing carefully. Who you are is who you are, right now. Not who you want to be. Not who you were. It’s who you are, and all you have to do is to watch and you’ll see it.”

Makes sense. Thank-you.

tuxuday's avatar

I would say ‘discovering myself’ is full of bull-s***. You don’t discover yourself by trying to discover you. You accidently stomp on it! But what is discovering oneself? It sounds so stupid. So what you do? You sit and think what you want to become and what you enjoy most?

All you do is do things. If you enjoy doing it, then continue it! If you don’t, then don’t! I always felt that humans try to attach lot of meaning to life, which at times takes away the very purpose of life. Which i think is to live.

PS: No offence meant.

partyparty's avatar

Think you are always the same person, but continually changing as you progress through life.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I think one discovers oneself by waking up each morning, giving thanks to something for a new day, and walking through that new day with mindfulness. That last bit is the tricky part. It means to be fully aware in each moment of what is happening.

I don’t do it perfectly, but I try.

Oh. Wait. What was I saying?


marinelife's avatar

I did a lot of movement work (authentic movement) when I was in my middle years that really helped me with self discovery.

Jude's avatar

This is what my girlfriend had to say. Wise and wonderful woman:

” I think a lot of unhappiness comes from resisting things as they are, instead of simpling observing and accepting them. I would highly recommend renting the movie ‘The Peaceful Warrior’ for some great philosophy on how to be happy in your life.

This might sound very cheesy, but I’ll share it with you. One of the biggest things that helped me discover who I am and what makes me happy was learning to recognize these wonderful feelings that I remembered from times in my past. The feelings that I had in certain places with certain people; people I admired when I was a kid, things that I thought were fascinating and cool about them, places that I loved to immerse myself in and the feelings that I got from that.

When I was younger, I felt very restless, like I needed to find someone or something to give me those feelings. Then, one day I realized that all of those feelings I was looking outside of myself find actually came from me. All of those things that I was so fascinated by were actually little fascinating pieces of my own personality. It’s the same with everyone. Everything you are looking for is already inside you. ”

CMaz's avatar

Who you “really are” does not matter. Just keep it real.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Seems that one discovers most about themselves when thrown into unexpected situations.

tinyfaery's avatar

It’s impossible to be anything but what you are.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@tinyfaery ha, some of my co-workers sure manage well at being the opposite of what they are on the surface.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Self actualization is a lifelong goal. My best guess so far is to concentrate on the things that are important to you and to then live by them.

Jude's avatar

@Captain_Fantasy Great advice. Thank-you.

I do know that helping others is important to me. Always has been. Especially those who can’t help themselves.

Music and art are two passions of mine. And, I enjoy surrounding myself with interesting people who aren’t afraid to express themselves. I’m that way, as well. People who stand strong to their convictions, I admire that. I tend to be that way myself.

Ah, but, it’s fun to learn about oneself…=)

aprilsimnel's avatar

I’m not sure that we actually “discover” who we are, but that we’re always in the process of becoming. Good luck! Have fun!

tinyfaery's avatar

But they are still who they are.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@tinyfaery of course, deep down they are but people don’t see that

cookieman's avatar

I think that we are what we do. Other people decide “who we are” based on our actions.

You can certainly aspire to be what you imagine (your ideal self) – but unless you follow through with consistent actions to support that vision, it’s all just in your head.

OneMoreMinute's avatar

How about, ...How to UNcover yourself?

babaji's avatar

Many paths to the truth if the truth is desired.
Some times you can see who you are by seeing what / who you aren’t.
Deeper revelations beyond your body, beyond your ego easily come by looking deeply into your heart and Soul.
if you want to get into the energy of your lifeforce, the light and sound of your being,
this through meditation you might acquire for the deepest discovery.

Trillian's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir the fact that you can see that they are other than they portray themselves to be is a good sign for you. They wear masks to conceal something, but sooner or later, the mask slips off.

YARNLADY's avatar

Discovering yourself is a process, because every one of us changes every single day. Look at pictures of yourself as a child, at your graduation, your wedding, and such. Is that you? Which you is it? There is no such thing a A you, but you are becoming more ‘yourself’ every day of your life. A tree doesn’t constantly ask itself, is this leaf the proper shade of green yet? Do I need more bark over there? It just grows. Just because we have the minds to think about ourselves, doesn’t mean we need to do anything out of the ordinary to make it so. We just grow.

Zajvhal's avatar

@jjmah I just referenced that book on another question!...sorry…i would whisper this, but i don’t really know how!

rottenit's avatar

I have used a life coach from time to time to do some introspection, in general it has been helpfull, some can be kind of crazy tho.

Never stop looking inward and asking questions.

Ron_C's avatar

Frankly, I’m a (self discovery skeptic). If you were younger I would suggest that you either join the military or a police force. The military teaches you to be both self-reliant and to work with a team. The police teaches you a sense of honor, service, and how to protect yourself and others. If you are less militant, I would suggest working in the Peace Corps or for the Red Cross. What I would recommend against would be joining a monastery or some religious cult. I also think the new age self help books and things like life coaches (sorry @mattbrowne ) are for self indulgent yuppies that just want to feel good without contributing to society. Of course, that’s just my opinion.

Inspired_2write's avatar

You will find yourself when faced with crises.
The real you will appear and do what has to be done.

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