General Question

skwerl88's avatar

Do I have a chance?

Asked by skwerl88 (532points) March 6th, 2008

I hate to ask fluther for relationship advice (I hate to ever ask for it), so I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible:
Basically: I’m near the point of dating this friend of mine, but she can’t make up her mind on whether or not she likes me or this other guy more.
I don’t know how much she’s thought about it, but I’m just wondering if its worth the continued pursuit. She told me about this almost a week ago, and while she refuses to see either of us while she’s figuring it out, our conversations seems to have stayed identical to before. She really likes me (she’s known for being quite prude, and we’ve kissed. Odd; I know, considering we still aren’t dating), and I really like her.
It’s also worth mentioning: the other guy is one of her best friends and has been for a few years.

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16 Answers

delirium's avatar

How old are you guys?

mssamayray's avatar

everything happens for a reason.
and it is so true.
if she genuinely cares for you, she will come to you before the other guy. there’s a reason they aren’t together if they haven’t been all this time.
just keep up your hope and wait to see how things play out.
don’t change your friendship or the way you relate to her either.
nothing is more bothersome to a girl than to see a guy change.

Breefield's avatar

Skwler88’s a Junior, and said girl is a Senior.

Anyhow, my opinion as close friend who always gives the worst advice is to give up trying with her and let things just happen. If you just act like you have been then I’d say things will go ok. But if you press it, and talk about it a lot then she might get turned off. You and me, we overanalyze, gotta take that into account.
But I do think you have a good chance of being “chosen” (sounds so immature, but I understand the situation, it’s not really, just typical). If she’s known the other guy for that long and nothing has happened then I doubt it will now. But like I said, my advice is terrible.

delirium's avatar

I would say, then, that she’s probably not mature enough to be truly worth it. If she can’t pick, then she probably doesn’t care enough for what you want it to be anyways.

skwerl88's avatar

Mssamayray, you’re saying to wait just a little while longer, right?
And delirum, just move along?
Just to make sure I’m understanding correctly. It’s quite late for me.

mssamayray's avatar

yeah. I am.
let things roll off.
and wait for things to happen. don’t be pushy or she’ll surely get thrown off.

skwerl88's avatar

Would you say i shouldn’t push it at all then, and just let her tell me when she’s ready?
Or, should i try just hinting at it, maybe asking her somewhere this weekend to see if she’s ready to hang out (thus meaning, she made up her mind).

mssamayray's avatar

wait for her.
she will decide what she wants.
if you hint a little too much, she might be stressed and not want to deal with a decision.
just be a great guy to her.
say cute things that make her smile.
she will come around.

delirium's avatar

Don’t push it, and don’t get your hopes up. A girl who can’t choose you usually isn’t what you’re looking for anyways.

aaronblohowiak's avatar

easy come, easy go. attachment & expectation are the root of all suffering.

Breefield's avatar

That’s what I told you silly, get some sleep. Anyhow, we should hang this weekend.

DJM's avatar

give it up!!!!!!!! people who want to be together dont have to think about it

scamp's avatar

I think you should explore other options. while you are standing in line waiting for her to make up your mind, you could miss out on an opportunity with a girl that likes you.. and ONLY you. She sounds a little too full of herself to me. if she has actually told you she is trying to decide between the two of you, it sounds like she is eating up the attention. Stop feeding her ego, and find a girl deserving of your affection.

cwilbur's avatar

You’ve made your interest clear. Ball’s in her court now. Pursue other options until she makes her decision, and if you find someone in the meanwhile, her loss for dithering.

DeezerQueue's avatar

Continue to value the friendship and distance yourself from the prospect of a relationship. It’s possible to love a friend, and in a very passionate way, no matter what their gender is. If you embrace life and the friendship, and she sees something in that, then it will happen. Love can’t be forced or steered, it can only be recognized when it happens.

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