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rahm_sahriv's avatar

When you say you are dating someone, do you assume an exclusive relationship?

Asked by rahm_sahriv (1743points) April 3rd, 2010

I ask this question after answering another dating question that had to do with a guy dating two different women. To me, I don’t assume an automatic monogamous relationship when I am dating someone unless we have discussed monogamy and made that decision. Up to that point, I feel free and think the other person should feel free, to date other people as well. I do not have a problem with this. What say you? Agree with me or disagree? Why so?

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13 Answers

CyanoticWasp's avatar

I generally date one woman at a time, just because I’m old and can’t do the juggling required otherwise. But that’s just me, I suppose.

When (if) we start a sexual relationship, then it’s a definitive, agreed-upon monogamy.

KatawaGrey's avatar

I think that once it gets to a certain point, that monogamy is assumed. If you’ve gone out on a couple of dates with someone, I see no reason to assume that person won’t go out with with other people. I know the question to which you are referring and it sounded to me like that guy had been dating both of those girls for longer than a few dates and so not telling each about the other was just scummy.

In my personal experience, monogamy is always assumed once there is any degree of seriousness in the relationship.

DominicX's avatar

Monamory is usually assumed by default. If that is not what I wanted, then I would make sure to tell the other person. I’m not just going to date 3 people at once and then act all shocked when one of them is not happy about it. I would have to tell them all that that is what I was doing.

I assume monamory (“monamory” is not a word, but “monogamy” refers specifically to marriage, so I decided to invent my own word). Then again, I have only dated one person and we are not polyamorous and we have discussed that.

If the two people agree that being polyamorous is fine, great. But you can’t just assume that they will be because most people probably wouldn’t like it that much.

EmpressPixie's avatar

If I’ve knowingly gone on a date with a person, I pretty much assume and expect monogamy. And that’s worked out for me. I am not, however, a person someone bumps into at a bar and gets a number from. There has always been rather a lot of build up to the asking and assuming monogamy has never seemed unreasonable.

Now, if I got out on a date with a person, I expect it to be my fiance and monogamous.

laureth's avatar

I feel much the same as the question asker. I don’t assume much in relationships, because we all know what happens when we ass/u/me. If we’re “dating,” it means we go out together and have a good time – which does not preclude, by definition, their having a good time on a date with someone else. If they expect me to be dating them exclusively, that is something I’d expect we’d discuss and agree upon.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I don’t use the word “dating” if things get serious and exclusive with a man. At that point, I say we’re in a relationship. Dating’s just testing the waters, and I think during such time, one is perfectly free to date more than one person. And I’ll let the guy know that after a couple of dates, too, just so he knows I’m not attaching myself and that he’s not tied down either.

MrItty's avatar

No. “I’m dating ____” is ambiguous. It could mean nearly anything. So could “I’m seeing ____”.

“I’m with ____” means exclusivity.
“____ is my boy/girl friend” means exclusivity.

DominicX's avatar

Maybe I’m confused on what “relationship” refers to here. Are we talking about a man going out to dinner with two women on two separate dates, but nothing serious, or are we talking about a man calling himself a “boyfriend” to two different women? I was really referring to the latter with my response above.

rahm_sahriv's avatar

@DominicX I mean just a date- a guy or gal going out with two different people on separate dates, not serious. Just getting to know the other person, having fun with them, catching a movie or going out to dinner.

Once the term boyfriend or girlfriend is bandied about, I think we are getting into more exclusive waters. I am not about to refer to a guy I have dated a few times as my boyfriend without sitting down and having some sort of relationship discussion.

DominicX's avatar

@DominicX

Yeah, then in that case, I don’t think I would assume exclusivity. That’s just a date, I don’t think that establishes a “relationship”. That would only be, for me, when the terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are used and established. My relationship just began very irregularly. We decided to be boyfriend and boyfriend on the first day, before we had even gone on a date. That’s irregular, but we also had known each other for years prior and were already close friends.

casheroo's avatar

I never assume monogamy. (when I dated) It was always discussed.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

By the time someone is “dating” me, they know where I stand on exclusivity and that it’s my intent should things work out between us. When other people talk about dating someone, I assume it’s open unless they call that person their gf or bf.

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