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gememers's avatar

Has anyone had success with non-monogamous relationships?

Asked by gememers (445points) December 14th, 2009

I am asking out of curiosity. This may refer to an open relationship or one with multiple consenting partners, or any other sort of relationship that isn’t limited to two people. I suppose this includes casual dating, and I am interested hearing about that, but I was more interested in the relationships aimed for a deeper connection by at least one person.

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15 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Yep. I’m in an open marriage. The first 6 months of our relationship I was with two partners at once. Now, we just interact with others romantically or sexually once in a while.

Shemarq's avatar

Its not for me. I dated casually for many years prior to meeting my husband – it was all about sex, but without the connection you get from a real relationship. Now that I am in one (we’ve been married 13 years), I don’t want to share him with someone else. I don’t mean his friends or family – that’s fine, but he’s my husband, I’m his wife. We have an immense amount of trust in our relationship—if either of us stepped out or slept with someone else, it would be over. The trust would be gone, the exclusivity would be gone. To me that’s not a relationship.

laureth's avatar

Both my husband and I tried to have poly relationships (before we met each other). It didn’t work for either of us, as we’re the monogamous sort. I think it’s one reason we get along so well. I do know others that have done the Poly thing successfully, but it takes a lot of work and even then, sometimes there’s a lot of heartache for any partner that feels left out.

HighShaman's avatar

I’ve never known ANYONE who was successful with an “open” relationship .

Think about the std’s and aids… what IF pregnacy does occur… ?

Too much to risk for a couple of minutes rolling around in the sack…

nikipedia's avatar

So far, so good.

I love my boyfriend. The relationships I have with other people have no bearing on my relationship with him.

I’ve never been very comfortable in monogamous relationships. For right now, an open relationship fits me a lot better. I don’t know if I’ll always feel that way.

Likeradar's avatar

I’ve never experienced it aside from dating multiple people, which I know isn’t the same thing at all. As of now, I don’t think polyamory is something that interests me. However, two of the people I know best, and who are two of the smartest, most compassionate people I know, have been in a polyamorous relationship for about a decade and it totally works for them.
@HighShaman Now you’ve heard of 3 different people who are in one, and it’s successful for them. Relationships aren’t always just about “rolling around in the sack.” The polyamorouos people I know have true emotional connections with all their partners.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@HighShaman it’s called protection and smart choices. as usual. and polyamory isn’t all about sex, if at all.

AstroChuck's avatar

Just with the Palm sisters.

gememers's avatar

@AstroChuck are you everywhere?

AstroChuck's avatar

i try to be.

Always watching.

Violet's avatar

only with a friend with benefits

thriftymaid's avatar

Success ending them

phil196662's avatar

The Wife and I met 16 years ago, she was/ is an Animal groomer and I am a gardener. She always had friends over and would have me over too, then I would invite her over and and some friends as well. We both would act cuddly with our friends and then I told her I wanted to be with her, she responded that she still wanted her friends and I said we will also keep the cuddly aspect as well and decide as we go.
After about five years a friend of hers came into her life and needed a place and at the time we had a studio apt so she slept on the couch, One cold night the friend wanders in and says she’s cold and we let her crawl in with us. Later I realized I was grabbing her chest and not the GFd’s only to wake up the next morning and tell her only for a Double kiss from both, the three of us have been together since!

MarcoNJ's avatar

Ah yes….the ‘other man’ in my wife’s life is a nice fellow indeed. Too nice if you ask me. For you see, it’s his nice-guy persona that his wife, Joanne, exploits. She reaps the benefits of his seemingly hardwired need to cater to his family and in return she…..well, she enjoys the benefits. The scales of reciprocating one’s admiration and appreciation toward their lover are noticeably unbalanced in their relationship. He knows it and yet he spoils her on a continual basis. He tries to release his frustration out on her by being overtly aggressive when it comes to sex. But this Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde approach only benefits her even more because she loves being dominated.

That’s real life…mine, my wife, my girl and her husband. Polyamory at work.
Obviously there’s a whole lot more to the story, as it not’s based on sex. What stable relationship is?

But yeah, to answer your question….yes, non-monogamous relationships can and do work. They require understanding, patience, and devotion like any other.

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