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ththththth's avatar

How to advise a friend on dating?

Asked by ththththth (241points) April 3rd, 2010

My friend recently started to date two girls almost simultaneously and though they clearly want to have a relationship with him, he is in a position of liking both of them yet not wanting to hurt either one. They don’t know about the other girl and though it’ll probably sting for him/them a bit how would you advise he gets out of this situation in a positive way?

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16 Answers

janbb's avatar

I would advixe him to own up to them that he is dating both and see if either sticks around for a relationship!

rahm_sahriv's avatar

What is wrong with dating multiple people? I assume that he hasn’t told either girl that they are his ‘one and only’, therefore, they shouldn’t assume they are.

If he is looking for a monogamous relationship, then all he needs to do is choose a girl to make that step with and be honest with her.

Pandora's avatar

Nothing wrong with dating multiple people but if they aren’t aware of the whole situation and he is stringing them along, then I hope he mans up and tells them both and let the chips fall where they may.

rahm_sahriv's avatar

@Pandora I would disagree unless he is telling each girl he is seeing that they are the only one. I don’t think he has to tell the girls he is seeing other people if he is just dating them.

janbb's avatar

Edit “advise” I do think he should make it clear; I think most people today assume you are dating them exclusively. Maybe I’m wrong?

rahm_sahriv's avatar

@janbb Could be, I don’t assume that because I am dating someone that we have an exclusive relationship unless it has been discussed and same goes for folks I have dated with the exception of one. So my personal belief and experiences have indicated that folks don’t believe just because you are dating them you are exclusive with them. Good fluther question….

wundayatta's avatar

It seems to me that no one should assume an exclusive relationship until they have made an explicit agreement to do so. Given that, I think the two women should not assume they are the only one he is seeing.

However, times seem to be different these days. Somehow, it seems like young men are only allowed to date one woman at a time or they are considered players. Perhaps this is because people are so easy with sex, these days. If “dating” means having sex, then I guess it would not be that unreasonably to expect exclusivity.

janbb's avatar

Cool – let’s see what people think.

jazmina88's avatar

There is nothing wrong with dating more than 1…..if a woman assumes she is the only one…..then you are pretty close with her. But assuming is bad and if there are no lies involved… need to get too serious until the heat is on.

I see a couple of men, and they know about each other….and it’s all good…..but I am older with clear intentions.I like being single.

ththththth's avatar

I too think it’s fine to date multiple people if that is clearly what is wanted. In this situation I see my friend have girls drop at his feet so to speak and this is after only a week, I am not so sure that he sees the monogamy I suspect is wanted by the girls.

janbb's avatar

Well, if each girl is pushing him to be more serious than he wants, he could just tell them he is casually dating for now and not looking to get exclusive with one person. he doesn’t have to do a song and dance about it; that should cover him.

Pandora's avatar

@rahm_sahriv Just because you don’t assume you are exclusive doesn’t mean that they aren’t assuming they are exclusive. In your case if a girl where to be dating several guys including yourself than there is no harm in her telling you because you are not looking for and exclusive relationship. Does not mean that everyone you date will feel that way. If one is so care free about dating multiple people, than why would they not have the guts to make this clear cut? Why keep it a secret if its not wrong?

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Until you feel compatible and serious about someone then how do you know you want to date just them? The easiest way to go about it for him is to tell each girl he really enjoys going out with them but isn’t about to become exclusive without more time and discussion. At that point they can choose to keep going out with him or break it off. As he spends more time then he’ll probably get a feel for one or the other he’d really like to be with. If he doesn’t then that means he’s not interested or ready for any serious dating.

hy5nmc's avatar

He needs to own up about it because a guy I was dating, was also dating someone else (he didn’t say, I found out) and I got out before getting hurt even more. Not sure whether he liked her more than me, he never said but should have done. It’ll hurt whatever – tell them as soon as possible so they can get over it and move on. This is the problem with multiple dating! It’s fine but people end up getting hurt in situations like this and it’s not fun and not fair!

ththththth's avatar

thanks all for your help he has told both and now the situation is a lot better… Still seeing both but with both knowing and not minding. It’s interesting but for now it’s working. Again thank you all.

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