General Question

Sariperana's avatar

Why do people waste their precious time on being in pointless and meaningless relationships?

Asked by Sariperana (1442points) April 8th, 2010 from iPhone

Lately I have been noticing that alot of people who are in relationships are always out to cheat, meet others, chatting up other people. If they are not doing this, then they are always arguing, fighting, full of dramas.

I don’t see the point, I’d rather be single and lonely than sorry and miserable. But it seems to be getting more and more common!

The way I see this stage in my life is as the process of elimination- finding out what I don’t want. I just don’t know why people waste their time.

Do you know any people like this?
Are you like this?
Have you been in this situation or are familiar with this scenario?

Is there a point to it?

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41 Answers

FutureMemory's avatar

@Sariperana Lately I have been noticing that alot of people who are in relationships are always out to cheat, meet others, chatting up other people. If they are not doing this, then they are always arguing, fighting, full of dramas.

You have described my father to a tee. He is incredibly self-centered and has ridiculously low self-esteem, leading him to do whatever he wants no matter how it might hurt other people. Because of his self-esteem issues he feels he needs to be with someone to feel worthy as a human being. What makes it all the worse is he is a world class bullshit artist, so he often gets away with it…it’s really sad to watch, honestly.

davidbetterman's avatar

Sometimes they have just grown comfortable with the situation…

RandomMrdan's avatar

Some people like the reassurance of being in a relationship.

Rarebear's avatar

You mean, like on Fluther?

mattbrowne's avatar

Most relationships are not a waste of time. Arguing is not necessarily a waste of time. Understanding and dealing with imperfection is not a waste of time. Yet too many day dreams about perfect relationships (which don’t exist anyway) or the exaggerated glorification of singledom is a waste of time in my opinion.

partyparty's avatar

Some relationships will have arguments, it’s the ‘getting to know you time’, some people will cheat and some people will chat up others.
But equally some relationships will be happy, faithful and content with their partner.
That is human nature.

JeffVader's avatar

I think its because we are bringing up generation after generation of badly adjusted individuals. & as the old fashioned norms & responsibilities of society continue to erode more & more people are just doing whatever they feel like doing.

meagan's avatar

Its all about sex. Don’t you understand?

Cruiser's avatar

It’s all about double incomes, bigger homes and of course the kids.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

To experience the feeling of suffering first-hand!

Sophief's avatar

My last relationship was for 6 years and for 6 years it was a meaningless pointless relationship. For me. I didn’t love him and definitely wasn’t attracted to him. I stayed with him for a few reasons.

1. He was good to me (at first)
2. I didn’t want to meet someone I was attracted to because I didn’t want to fall in love.
3. I didn’t want to be alone.

JeffVader's avatar

@Dibley I can understand that…. if there’s no specific reason to leave, it’s just no longer that good, it can be hard to jump ship.

Sophief's avatar

@JeffVader I would still of been with him now if I hadn’t of met my partner. Unless one of us killed each other first!

JeffVader's avatar

@Dibley Well, good job you met Mr Right when u did!

Sophief's avatar

@JeffVader Definitely. It’s a dream come true. It’s so nice not to argue.

JeffVader's avatar

@Dibley Hehe, I thought you’d be used to a little arguing :)

Sophief's avatar

@JeffVader I was used to more than just arguing, or are you meaning my Fluther life?

JeffVader's avatar

@Dibley Both you little troublemaker :)

Sophief's avatar

@JeffVader Hey I can’t help it people don’t like me ;-(

wonderingwhy's avatar

Lots of reasons as seen above. Also, for some people, they consider that normal. Others, are too afraid to change. Still others consider any type of relationship better than none at all.

Do you know any people like this?
A couple by association. The level of drama keeps me from getting too close.

Are you like this?
The flirting part, to an extent, but probably not near the level you’re envisioning with te question.

Have you been in this situation or are familiar with this scenario?
I actually make it a point to stay out of these scenarios, but I’m familiar with them through others.

Is there a point to it?
They think there is, to me it’s just a small, transient, part of a greater journey.

Scooby's avatar

I know quite a few people who are like you describe, “out to cheat, meet others, chatting up other people also they are always arguing, fighting & full of drama“.
Mostly these are friends of mine who’ve been together for too long! My marriage went the same way but I was far too busy working to do anything about it, in the end the EX wife up & left! :-/
Well I guess she did us both a favour.. Since then I’ve been a happy drama free singleton who can do whatever pleases me, hopefully without stepping on too many toes… I like being single as I can fit my social life around my work life, this is what’s important to me I just don’t have time for a full time relationship, the break down of my marriage showed me that……
Besides I can argue until I’m black & blue in the face with my friends & still come home & get a great night sleep! ;-)

TogoldorMandar's avatar

Well trying to get meaning in it or searching on internet for the next lover

sarahjane90's avatar

People are afraid of loneliness, and being alone, which is why retreating into any relationship – whether it is good or bad, is comforting to many. I myself have experienced this, and it is usually just a temporary or fleeting fix for ones underlying unhappiness.

Trillian's avatar

Energy. When we first become couples we are feeling a high amount of energy and we feed it back and forth to each other willingly. It feels so great. But then real life starts to creep in. We find out things about the other that perhaps doesn’t fit with what we want out of a relationship. We begin to withhold that energy and we then use our already established scripts to force energy from the other person. It becomes a contest, and someone must necessarily be the loser and the other wins. Think about how drained you feel after an argument that you have lost. Or any drama situation with your SO. The scenarios are repeated because we all have our own methods of taking energy from each other. The acquisition of energy becomes the focus rather than the loving give and take that we began it with.

slick44's avatar

Fear of being alone!

DarkScribe's avatar

What makes you assume that another person’s time is “precious”? Often it is the only thing that they have in any quantity.

CMaz's avatar

Because the sex is/was that good!

I did it for 20 years. ;-)

evandad's avatar

It’s their time to waste. They can if they want to.

GladysMensch's avatar

For the same reasons people waste their precious time in pointless and meaningless jobs.

Ludy's avatar

I been there, and it was because my low self steem and fear to be alone.

Draconess25's avatar

No relationship is completely pointless. Every experience takes something away, & leaves you with something ne.

mollypop51797's avatar

Because they were/are blinded by love. Or because they have some personal issue of their own. OR because they’re still “experimenting” and finding their comfortable boundaries

babaji's avatar

some relationships thrive on the disrespect for each other.
especially two alcoholics.
but your question begs so many questions…
like why do people smoke when they know they will get cancer?
or like why do we eat all of that high calorie fat food stuff that make us big as a blimp?
or even why does some one stay in an abusive relationship?
could be the same answer for all of them…

JeffVader's avatar

@Draconess25 Indeed, sometimes they take your brand new TV & leave you with all their bills…... the cow!

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. The reason why people hang on to relations that arte circling the drain is because people fear loss more than they desire to gain. They fear losing someone to talk to have safe predictable sex with more than they desire to dump a bad relationship in favor of an peaceful, happy, but unknown relationship. Add to the fact that people feel that they have invested too much time, effort, and their heart that it must work, they can’t just chalk it off to a loss or a failed experiment and move on. Basically that is it, the fear of loss over the desire to gain.

suzie271's avatar

because they are timid. they don’t have the courage to move on on their own.

they have fear of being alone and that they may never find another person to fill that void..

it all has to do with insecurity.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

I think because you don’t really know something is meaningless until you KNOW it’s meaningless… Unfortunately you sometimes hold on, knowing how it pays off, but sometimes it never will and there is really no time stamp on that. It depends on an individuals unique pain threshold I think? Some people have different idea of worth and what constitutes bullshit and what is just growing and learning together how to deal.

I have a higher level of bullshit tolerance than most people. Mostly because I have this stupid tick in my brain that tells me how most people no matter how screwed up they act or behave on the surface are all inherently good down somewhere inside if you can just get to it maybe you can be happy.

Doesn’t always work though. Mostly because people consider you naive or stupid when you put up with nonsence.

chinchin31's avatar

Yup fear of being alone… and well you never stop being attracted to other people.

WE all face temptations in life. It is not like some bulb switches off attraction in your head when you get into a relationship. Unfortunately some people do not control themselves but see their being attracted to other people as meaning that something is wrong with their current relationship.

No relationship is perfect. All relationships have challenges. You will always argue, have disagreements, find other people attractive. That is what makes marriage challenging. You have to be strong enough to overcome the temptations and make things work out. Unfortunately not everyone is that strong and they therefore give up and cop out….

Even the most religious people have challenges in their marriages. That is life. !!!! If you are not up for it then stay single. Alot of people do. E.g look at Simon Cowell. He says although he will never get married he still loves every single one of his ex-girlfriends and I do believe him .Commitment is not for everyone !!! Relationships are hard work once you get over the honeymoon period.

chinchin31's avatar

because they do not think about the future and are immature or just living for their bodily desires.

SamiCYa's avatar

I am currently in this situation kind of. Not a lot of fighting but slowly noticing more and more things I don’t like and I’m not happy. I’m leaving soon, but it should’ve happened a long time ago, I know that now.

Its taken me awhile to figure out what my problem was but I know a lot of it is from how I was raised, I didn’t have a mother growing up and an extremely emotionally abusive father who was an alcoholic.

Plain and simple its self esteem. I would like to think I’ve made leaps and bounds with my self esteem in the last few months but I won’t know for absolutely sure until I’m out of this relationship and interacting the same way with everyone.
What I mean is, for the first time I’m allowing myself to get upset at the person I’ve been with. I’ve been standing up for myself even when they try to convince me its my fault. But the real test is if I keep this up in other settings as well: at work, school etc.

Growing up when I’d try to talk to my parent in a nice and polite way about issues I was having I’d either get screamed at or blamed. Even when the adult was obviously in the wrong. I grew up with family that could never ever admit when they were wrong and as a result they would gaslight me. I was young, confused, and couldn’t find any reason for why they would act this way other than there must be something wrong with what I’m doing. Because I knew I had to admit when I was wrong, i couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that others wouldn’t do the same. As a result when I grew up I dated the same kind of abusive people.

Its only been through meeting a friend whose been the most honest with me that I’ve been able to learn from whats happening. When my partner pulls an asshole move and acts like its totally normal, my friend steps in and tells me “hun, this isn’t right”. Its been a godsend because even in high school I’d ask my friends for advice on a guys behavior and like they weren’t even listening they’d just say he was a great guy.

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