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janbb's avatar

What's your favorite metaphor for someone who's "not the sharpest knife in the drawer"?

Asked by janbb (54024points) April 23rd, 2010

Over the years my family has enjoyed collecting metaphors or expressions for someone who isn’t too swift. Two of my favorites are: “about two sandwiches short of a picnic” and “about three bricks shy of a load.” Got any others?

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59 Answers

rebbel's avatar

He wasn’t the one who invented blackpowder, he.

Vunessuh's avatar

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

wundayatta's avatar

Kind of like a 40 watt bulb.

wtfrickinfrack's avatar

He’s got a bad case of doofus

The door opens…but the elevator isn’t there…

squidcake's avatar

One taco short of a platter.
Couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag.
Not the brightest crayon in the box.

jeanmay's avatar

Not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.

cfrydj's avatar

If his brain was made of dynamite, he couldn’t blow his own head off.

dpworkin's avatar

dumb as a mud fence

wonderingwhy's avatar

seven beers short of a six-pack
‘bout as sharp as a marble
I’ve got a spoon sharper than you
‘bout as dumb as a stump
well, the light’s are on but I don’t think anyone’s home
I think his hampster’s off the wheel
I’d say I could smell smoke but I don’t think there’s anything up there to burn

Response moderated
wtfrickinfrack's avatar

@SuperOMG not nice :(

and – His bread isn’t quite done xD

rebbel's avatar

Great ones!
Made me chuckle.

liminal's avatar

A dumb ass SuperOMG also works

gemiwing's avatar

A few biscuits shy.
Dumber than a box of rocks
As much sense as god gave a donkey.

wundayatta's avatar

The clue meter is reading zero.

A few currants short of a fruitcake.

I drank from the fountain of knowledge; you just gargled.

Swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.

Makes Homer Simpson look like a Noble Prize winner.

Knitting with only one needle.

Response moderated
mcbealer's avatar

as dumb as a bag of hammers

skfinkel's avatar

everyone refresh your screen.

silverfly's avatar

Good lord. I had no idea there were so many! I’m just gonna go with sharpest tool in the shed.

rebbel's avatar

Yup, i think we found the missing link.

mcbealer's avatar

their elevator doesn’t reach the top floor

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

He’s not the sharpest light bulb in the drawer.

Wait… oh, maybe that person is me. ~

Michael_Huntington's avatar

Dumb as a hair metal band

DominicX's avatar

“A few prawns short of a galaxy” won’t make sense to anyone except a Simpsons fan, but I love that one.

There’s also “a few Bradys short of a bunch”. I think I heard that one from my mom.

wundayatta's avatar

This is too much fun…

Of necessity, a pacifist in the battle of wits.

His head is better used as a paperweight.

One sandwich short of a picnic.

Putting his brain on the edge of a razor blade is like putting a pea on a six-lane highway.

One sausage short of a barbie. (Australian)

He has a room-temperature IQ.

He has the spark of an underwater cigarette lighter.

wtfrickinfrack's avatar

wow… I fold…. @wundayatta totally wins haha! :)

Vunessuh's avatar

A few peas short of a casserole.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
wundayatta's avatar

@wtfrickinfrack [Smugly] Superior research will do it every time! You didn’t think I thought those up, did you?

gorillapaws's avatar

All he wants for christmas is his missing chromosome.

deni's avatar

as dumb as a brick hahhahahhahahah a brick hahahahhahahahaha

bobbinhood's avatar

He forgot to stand in line the day they were passing out smarts.

filmfann's avatar

Two cups short of a wonderbra.

LeotCol's avatar

“The lights are on, but nobodies home.”

HungryGuy's avatar

Half a bubble off plumb.

lfino's avatar

@wonderingwhy, I love ‘seven beers short of a six pack’ :)

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
Dumb as a bag of rocks.

tragiclikebowie's avatar

I am a big fan of “not the brightest crayon in the box.”

thriftymaid's avatar

Elevator doesn’t go to the top floor
A donut shy of a dozen
You don’t travel in the fast lane
The attic’s a little dusty
No one’s home
Paddling with one oar

Brian1946's avatar

Many jellies short of a fluther.
A toilet and a sink short of a head.
One cerebrum short of a brain.
Hired a ghost writer to help her with the notes on her hand.
Read Einstein’s “Theory of Relativity” to study for a paternity test.

Smashley's avatar

The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead.

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

Somewhere, a village is missing it’s idiot. sorry, if that one’s a bit harsh
Batteries not included
Dumb as a post

downtide's avatar

As thick as three short planks.
As thick as a brick.

cazzie's avatar

My father’s…‘He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were written on the bottom.’

another one he would say is ‘Thick as pig shit.’

cazzie's avatar

Couldn’t plan his way out of a wet paper bag…. is one from NZ I liked.

ucme's avatar

Not the full shilling
Thick as a gurkhas foreskin.

Zen_Again's avatar

Not the brightest starfish in the sea.

pearls's avatar

One sandwich short of a picnic.

Bagardbilla's avatar

My very egotesticle Econ professor from England used to say of his less then favorite pupils that they were “blessed with divine simplicity”! :)
I try and use it as often as I can.

HungryGuy's avatar

One bit short of a byte.

Rufus_T_Firefly's avatar

When he was born the doctor slapped his mother.

Chipping the blight braintastic.

Scrubbed of mental integrity.

He’s proof that one should never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

His ship’s not firing on all thrusters.

The tents have all been pitched but the campfire’s gone out.

His point is nicely hidden by his hair.

janbb's avatar

I’m lurvin’ this. Thanks guys!

HungryGuy's avatar

His dilithium crystals are cracked.
His warp bubble is in reversed polarity.

Berserker's avatar

I’m not very creative…so I just say like, fuking tard.

HungryGuy's avatar

One monster short of a nightmare.

fullOFuselessINFO's avatar

as useful as a flashlight with no batteries in the dark.
as useful as a pole dancer in a sweatsuit

janbb's avatar

Oh, here’s one I remember from folksinger Tom Rush.

“Having him around is like two good men gone.”

Zen_Again's avatar

Hey @janbb – maybe you’ll get this one without subtitles; my Bubs would say I need him like a loch in kop.

janbb's avatar

Oh yeah – got it.

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