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lostman's avatar

How should I take the relationship to a new level?

Asked by lostman (128points) May 3rd, 2010

So for those who haven’t followed the situation my girlfriend and I had a rough breakup when she ended things and I didnt take it so easy, but I posted on here and got some great advice so I figuerd why not now!
Since the breakup I did take the steps to get my life back in line and also look seriously at what I was doing wrong and could have changed. I didn’t know when or if I would ever hear from her again but after just giving her space and letting things cool down she contacted me. She was a little hesitant at first to talk with me but that turned into us talking all night long. We have talked every day multiple times a day via phone or txt except after she spoke with a counselor and waited till the next evening to call me and said she just took that time to think about things. We still talk every day but I can tell she holds back and dosent like talking about what happened yet. She says she cant tell if what I am saying and doing is true or if I am just trying to talk her back. I want to see her so bad so we can talk face to face and really clear the air but she says she dosent know if shes ready to see me yet but that she really does want to. I know not to push the matter and im ready whenever she is. This women is the love of my life and I want to do whatever it takes to make things work but there are times where I feel like she is ready to move on and many more times where she is wanting to make things work like no other. Where should I go from here and what are some things that have worked for yall in the past?

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10 Answers

CMaz's avatar

you learn and you go forward.

jazmina88's avatar

patience and destiny…....

dont push

Seaofclouds's avatar

If she needs you to prove to her that you “changed” it could take some time, so if that’s what you really want, the best thing you can do is give her time. Try not to push things to go faster than she is comfortable with. I don’t know what caused your break up, but if it’s something she is still working on getting passed, just be there for her and let her set the pace.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

@Seaofclouds gave you excellent advice. Work on consolidating the changes in yourself on which you have been working. Your patience and consistency will speak more about your good points than anything you can say about yourself. If she wants to more closer to you, how you conduct yourself will be most important.

partyparty's avatar

Just keep things moving forward slowly, don’t attempt to push her to meet up with you.
Carry on chatting with her.
She will let you know when she is ready to move things to a different level. Good luck

Cruiser's avatar

My only advice is to be true to yourself! Be yourself! There is nothing wrong with you!! Your biggest mistake would to “do whatever it takes to make things work” especially modifying or changing who you are in a vain attempt to appease her. Be yourself, be a man and don’t grovel!!

marinelife's avatar

What about offering to see her where there are other people present? You could meet her at her therapist’s.

You need to take some of the pressure off of meeting. Some of the heavy feelings out of it. Make it a little more casual.

Ponderer983's avatar

Give her her time and whatever she needs. Now is not the time to think she’s saying one things and means another. When it is serious like this, let her some to you. There is no formula, as each person is different. If she is not ready, let her be until she is ready, and then be as amenable as possible when the time comes. Try not to do things that will sway her either way, leaving her feeling like you are trying to win her back. I think for this stage in the process, you are talking a bit much. Everyday is something you do with a S/O. I know you were once, but this could be confusing at this stage. Are you calling her or is she calling you? I know you probably want to call her to let her know you are there, but I feel this may be confusing her. I think every other day would be sufficient. Good luck!

Trillian's avatar

You don’t have enough water under the bridge between your little “episode” and now. Time heals and time is what you need to do to show that you have a grip on things. Stop pushing for what you want. What she wants is time and space. There’s no nice way to say this -you are reminding me of a psycho ex boyfriend. Back off and stop applying pressure to her. Find something else to occupy your own time so you won’t sit around obsessing.

lostman's avatar

@Trillian Actually I dont sit around obsessing, ive just been going out and having fun and trying to forget, but sorry if I cant get over her, I still love her. Ive never called her or started the back and forth txt messaging, she always calls me or txt me first so I think your comment about the psycho ex boyfriend was a little out of line.

@Ponderer983 Ya i could see how the talking everyday could be confusing to both partys but I never call her or txt her first, its always her calling me. Ive tried to just ignore the calls or not txt back but I dont think I could.

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