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lostsoul's avatar

I am in love with my best friend and she is leaving. How do I cope?

Asked by lostsoul (140points) May 11th, 2010

I met her about a year ago, and we had an instant connection, and I have just come to realize that I am in love with her. It is a wonderful feeling, but she is moving to the other side of the country, and I do not know how to battle with the depression that is sure to follow her departure. I just really need some help and advice.

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26 Answers

CaptainHarley's avatar

How old are the two of you?

lostsoul's avatar

@CaptainHarley 16. I know we’re young, but I feel like that doesn’t matter.

Draconess25's avatar

Have you told her how you feel yet?

CaptainHarley's avatar

My recommendation to you is that you keep in touch with her via email, phone, and snail mail, but get back into the dating mix while you are apart, and encourage her to do the same. If, as you feel, the feelings will not diminish with distance and time.

lostsoul's avatar

@Draconess25 Yes, she knows that I love her, and she loves me too.

@CaptainHarley Yeah, I was thinking about that. But I do not want either of us to see other people. I would feel very uncomfortable about that.

Draconess25's avatar

I had a similar problem when I was your age. Except we weren’t going out yet.

My girlfriend’s parents have hated me for as long as I remember. They wouldn’t let her see me all summer, so we just called each other constantly. I had to pretend I was someone else, but that’s a different matter.

perspicacious's avatar

Listen to CaptainHarley. You are very young. Date other people while the two of you are in high school, but stay in touch. Then, if you still want to try to be together, try going to the same college.

CaptainHarley's avatar


At 16, expecting your love to remain faithful across great distances and long time-frames is very unrealistic. Real love can overcome that, or anything else, for that matter. It’s an excellent way to discover whether what the two of you have is real love or not.

lostsoul's avatar

@Draconess25 Her parents do not like me very much, either, and that is why I think visiting each other might be a slight problem.

@perspicacious Yeah, we already plan on going to the same college, but that is a very long time to wait.

@CaptainHarley Love is love… And our love is real. I know we can get through this, but being apart from her is going to kill me. I just do not know how I am going to deal with myself when she leaves, and I am feeling the most broken down I have ever felt.

CaptainHarley's avatar

There are many different sorts of love. Being apart from her will not kill you.You may think NOW that it’s going to kill you, but that’s why I asked how old you are. Ever been in love before?

lilikoi's avatar

Ahh, kids…

YARNLADY's avatar

You can’t really win in a battle against feelings of loss. My advice is to just go with the feelings and try to get involved in activities that will help take your mind off it. I promise you, in time, it will get better. May I suggest you sign up with volunteer match

lostsoul's avatar

@Draconess25 Thank you :/

@CaptainHarley I have never been in love, but I knew when I felt it that it was real. I do not know if that makes sense to you, but it makes sense to me… sigh. I wish I knew a better way to explain it.

@YARNLADY Thank you for your advice.

Draconess25's avatar

@lostsoul Don’t even try explaining it. Love can’t be described. That’s why metaphors & similes are necessary!

lostsoul's avatar

@Draconess25 Okay.
When I am with her, it’s like we’re the only people in the room, and nothing could break our focus from each other.
When I think about her leaving, it’s like I’m the only person in the world. I am all alone.

Draconess25's avatar

@lostsoul Yeah, sounds like love to me. A tad poetic, too!

MrsDufresne's avatar

I was in a long distance relationship at your age. (I’m now 36) My husband (then boyfriend) moved to Seattle, and I thought I’d never see him again. I was so heartbroken and I felt empty and lost until…..he came back about a year later. Distance can not break the bonds of true love. If the love is real, you will see her again. Keep in touch with her. Write her letters and have her write letters to you. Keep them in a cherished place, and then, when the both of you are reunited, you can look at them together and remember everything that you felt. If both of you are really in love, than this separation will only strengthen your bond later on. I’ve been there, and it is hell, but when they come back to you, there is no feeling on earth that is better. All the best to you both.

Draconess25's avatar

@MrsDufresne Honestly, that just made my day!

MrsDufresne's avatar

@Draconess25 I’m glad I could help. ; )

ssandy456's avatar

My parents met when they were 16 and 17. At the time dating wasn’t a casual thing…then my dad had to move to study. They made no promises to each other and at the time there were no FB or email, you are lucky you can communicate…but their love was true and they found each other again later. 45+ year later they are still married and in love. So, have faith. If she is the one it will happen. Everything happens for a reason :)

BoBo1946's avatar

@lostsoul have you told her how you feel?

BoBo1946's avatar

@Draconess25 oh yes…see it now!

BoBo1946's avatar

@lostsoul if you guys are really in love…you will find a way to make it work. Cell phones and computers are a great thing to keep the “fire going!”

rh11cp's avatar

you might just have to move on.. shes the only girl youve really been around with for a long itme to say shes your best friend but you havent gone out into the world and seen whats out there for you. there are so many other people out there for you. however, if she loves you back, then its a different story and you should do something about it. move in with her? i dont know. just make it work.

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