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JLeslie's avatar

Why did you have children? And, did they fulfill what you were looking for?

Asked by JLeslie (57219points) May 13th, 2010

I don’t think I have anything else to add.

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24 Answers

ucme's avatar

Because we both wanted them & dare I say it deserved them,being such wonderful parents.God yes would be my answer to your second point.

Rarebear's avatar

Personally, I believe if someone is having children to “fulfill” something, they’re making a mistake. It assumes you weren’t fulfilled beforehand, and relying on a child to do that for you runs the risk of failed expectations and projecting the negative feelings on the child.

dpworkin's avatar

My first wife and I carefully decided to have two children 7 years into our marriage. My second wife married me in order to have children, fired me as soon as she got her wish and has tried to diminish my parental role as much as possible ever since. I was an idiot, but I just didn’t see it coming.

Aster's avatar

Being very immature at the time, I had the romantic notion that a baby would bind us together like glue and also be fun to play with.
They may have been semi-fulfilling, I’m not certain. But it’s a whole lot more suffering than I ever imagined, with the first one I mean. You just never know what they’ll get into. I feel ambivalent about it now.

RedPowerLady's avatar

To have someone to love, care for and raise. In reality I’ve wanted a child since I was a child (since I can remember). And my daughter has been everything (and more) of what I was looking for. I am so deeply in love with her. I don’t mind fussy sleepless nights. She is a miracle. I feel so blessed to have her. I can only hope to give her all the love, care, education, good raising that she needs. I fully intend to do more than my absolute best.

JLeslie's avatar

@Rarebear Maybe fulfill is the wrong word. I just meant that people who make a conscious decision to have children, that it wasn’t an accident. I agree that people who have children hoping it will “fix” something in a relationship or in someone’s own life is probably a bad starting point.

susanc's avatar

I didn’t let the accidental pregnancies of my youth come to fruition. I’d have been a bewildered, fearful, clueless young mother. But later in life I was a loving, careful stepmother, and adoptive mother. They tell me I’m a pretty good grandmother too. (Now that’s fun.) Fulfilled? More than.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I don’t have children,but it is regrettable as I need someone to supervise me :)

MissAusten's avatar

Well, the first time around we didn’t plan to have a baby. Once that test was positive, however, we made a decision to have the baby and make parenting our priority. We both agreed that, even though we were young by today’s standards (early 20s), we had enough stability, family support, and common sense to make things work out. It didn’t take long to fall in love with our baby, and it certainly made us fall even more in love with each other. Disclaimer: I strongly believe that having a baby is a wonderful thing for a couple, but will NOT help a couple that is already having problems.

Our second child was planned well in advance. We waited until we bought a house. We always knew we didn’t want our daughter to be an only child. Our son is lucky he was born second, because if he’d been first he might have been the last. Colic is hell.

Our third child was also unplanned. About 8 months after our son was born, I found out I was pregnant again. That was when I completely gave up on birth control pills, because clearly they didn’t work for me. I was on the pill when our daughter was conceived, but thought I must have missed one without realizing it. With our youngest, I was certain I hadn’t missed any pills, wasn’t on antibiotics, and had taken them all on time. There’s nothing like a colicky baby to make you obsessive about taking the pill. Anyway, there was no question that we’d have the baby. Our first two were amazing, and I have to say my husband and I are pros at making healthy, beautiful, intelligent children. ;) We didn’t have any reason not to have the baby, and once he was born our family actually felt complete. Looking at the baby rolling around on a blanket with his older siblings sitting next to him, smiling down at him, gave me such a feeling of contentment and happiness.

I wouldn’t call parenting fulfilling, but I would say it can be very rewarding. Stressful, yes. There are days when I feel like I don’t get a moment’s peace because the three of them take turns being whiny, crazy, loud, sick, messy, or angry. When they get bored, they like to torment each other, and sometimes they do things that are so outrageously stupid I can only stand back and shake my head in awe. Really, you thought it would be a good idea to pee in the Lego box? Seriously? However, there are plenty of wonderful moments to balance it all out. The first time your child reads a book to you out loud, offers to share with someone without a reminder from you, stands up on stage at school to deliver a perfectly memorized speech or sing a solo, says “I love you” or learns to blow kisses…well, there’s not much to compare to that. They are their own little people, but it’s rewarding to think maybe my husband and I have something to do with their good traits. Everything else we blame on the grandparents.

tranquilsea's avatar

@dpworkin “My second wife married me in order to have children, fired me as soon as she got her wish and has tried to diminish my parental role as much as possible ever since. I was an idiot, but I just didn’t see it coming.”

That’s awful!

tranquilsea's avatar

I was extremely interested in who these future babies of mine would be. It has been delightful to watch them grow, live, learn, make mistakes and recover from them.

My first son was colicky for the first 5 months of his life. He had lulled me into thinking he was going to be an easy baby by sleeping the first 4 days of his life. He had a touch of jaundice. But then he woke up and screamed for the next 5 months. My daughter was a calm baby, and by god we deserved it! Our last child was deceptively calm until he turned one. Then he was hell on earth for the next 4 years.

It has been a wild ride, full of twists and turns. Nothing has turned out as I expected, it has been better.

casheroo's avatar

I’ll have to get back to you, I’m currently shoving a hoagie down my throat, making dinner for my son, listening to the baby scream because gosh forbid mommy doesn’t hold me 24/7, and watching my older son play… lol

the100thmonkey's avatar

I had children because I like sex.

They fulfilled what I was looking for because I had an orgasm.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

I haven’t had children yet but I fully intend to in the future. I have already found a wonderful man that I’d be lucky to spend the rest of my life with. We’re getting married in a couple months. And within a couple years I hope to start a family. I’m already fullfilled. But a baby would just add even more happiness to our lives. Children are a blessing in our eyes.

Merriment's avatar

I had children because I thought, and still think, they are the best thing on this earth and I wanted to be surrounded by them.

They fulfilled my desire to be a parent and to live for something greater than myself.

Best of all they fulfilled my desire to play a part in making their lives fulfilling.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@MissAusten Really, you thought it would be a good idea to pee in the Lego box? Seriously? – lol, yes!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I had my first because I had ‘a plan’ for my life which didn’t work out, ps and thank heavens. I had my second because I got pregnant and I don’t do abortions, personally and it’s been wonderful to have our family. We know more kids are in the future but aren’t actively trying to conceive.

CaptainHarley's avatar

My first wife had three children when I met her. I adopted them. Then we had two more after we were married. I had no real expectations of any of them, other than to do the best they could to be good people, which they lived up to in spades! : ))

Pandora's avatar

I had children because I had unprotected sex with my husband twice. Actually more than twice. LOL Opps! Opps! Not to say I didn’t want them but we were thinking further down the road. I don’t think we were looking to fullfill anything except to make our family larger and to have little people whom to share our love and who would love us back. So I guess mission accomplished. No deep seated goal. We just both loved kids and thought they could only add to our life.

janbb's avatar

I had children because I didn’t think my life would be completely fulfilled unless I had that experience and I was absolutely right.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I have three children. Despite feeling that I could have and should have done better as a parent, I love them all and they love me. I am proud of their ongoing growth and development. They were not born to fulfil me. They were born to become who they can be. They’re doing a pretty good job and that pleases me greatly. I’m going to visit they for two weeks. (Bringing my laptop!)

jeanmay's avatar

My son was a happy accident, but we would certainly have more. If it turns out we can’t, we will adopt, for sure.

Children bring so many things into your life, and it’s pretty amazing to gaze on your offspring and see the hint of a beloved grandparent in their toothless grin, or see a scowl that is the spitting image of your spouse’s. Nature is just a wonderful, wonderful thing.

faye's avatar

I wanted kids and though the first was a whoopsy the next 2 were planned. There’s been ups and downs but I can’t imagine my world without them.

mattbrowne's avatar

Because we wanted grandchildren.

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