Social Question

TheOnlyException's avatar

Why is he suddenly avoiding me/distancing himself?

Asked by TheOnlyException (2182points) May 19th, 2010

A male friend of mine, who I only met about 6 months ago, but have really clicked with, has suddenly become very, i guess, formal with me? Treating me more like an acquaintance than a friend, sticking to the polite greetings and nothing more.

He is very charming and witty and can make me laugh in any situation, and I look forward to seeing him because he is so lovely to talk to. We joke around and he just pokes fun at me, the usual sort of stuff that is really endearing, inside jokes etc. etc.

But recently, within the past fortnight, he is acting more neutral with me. He says hi to me and smiles in the hallways, but never really has these little bits of banter with me anymore and I am really starting to miss our conversations. I asked him if I had upset him and he insisted that I hadn’t.

He is still jokey with all of our other friends, i.e. nothing is depressing him, he is just odd around me and I have tried to engage him in a conversation that is more than just a hello, or goodbye, but to little avail as he gives very succint responses that dont really entail anything else, keeping conversation as short as possible with me. he is not being outrightly rude or anything, as i said he is being ‘neutral’.

This has also made me very nervous around him, trying to keep myself in check, and yesterday he was handing me a book and i sort of couldn’t control my hands lol.. and i grabbed the book weirdly, dropped it almost, grabbed it again and brushed my hand against his finger where he was holding the book and he visibly jerked.
I mean what the hell? He was nice about it though and said “What the bloody hell is up with you today my nickname? haha” and laughed and smiled which was really nice as it was the most I have gotten out of him in a while, but it was extremely uncomfortable for some reason, not like before.

I dont want to keep bugging him as he has already told me he is not pissed off with me about anything, any idea why he might be acting like this? Have you ever done this to any of your friends, if so for what reason?
help meeee :(

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15 Answers

poofandmook's avatar

is there a possibility he likes you? Maybe he’s decided he does and is being shy?

Or, on the flip side, is he seeing someone who may not approve of him being so super friendly with you?

janbb's avatar

Men – when you get them figured out, let me know!

marinelife's avatar

It is possible that he liked you when he was flirting around, but that now he is over it.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@poofandmook the possibility of him liking me did cross my mind for a brief second, but I did not want to go there, made me feel a bit big headed like oh it MUST be because he is in love with me ahah
also I am involved with someone else at the moment.
I cant think of anyone in his life that wouldnt approve of me… but you make an interesting point!
thank you :)

TheOnlyException's avatar

@marinelife It was always in a friendly way though, or so I thought and he generally is like this with everyone (slightly different with guys though haha, but he is just naturally like that)
I just have noticed a change in him, and I want to know what is causing it.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@janbb hopefully within the next millenium!

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Grab him by the collar,look him square in the eye,and challenge him to a duel…or just ask him straight up what is the matter with you?...punk! ;)

Cruiser's avatar

I would say he likes you enough to where he now realized you are in serious enough relationship that he is not going to expose his feelings for you just to get shot down. So he is merely being proper and respectful towards you and at the same time protecting himself from embarrassment or hurt if he exposed his true feelings.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I agree with everyone else who suggested that there are deeper feelings involved here somewhere. It could be that he was interested in you, and decided to cool it down for whatever reason. Or it could be the opposite, maybe he is NOT interested in you, and got the vibe that you were being flirty (whether or not you were, he could have gotten that idea)? It’s hard to say without seeing the two of you interact.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

My guess is he’s found a girl he likes more than as “just friends” and wants anyone who may be observing to be able to tell he doesn’t have a gf or another crush going on.

le_inferno's avatar

Maybe he learned something about you that makes him uncomfortable around you? (Just a guess).

perspicacious's avatar

We don’t know the reason. Don’t engage him for awhile. When he wants to talk to you he will. If you keep starting conversations you appear too enthusiastic, which he may not like. Who know with guys?!?!

Jeremycw1's avatar

Be very straight forward with him. Ask him what’s up. Communication is key in this situation.
And also nice use of the word ‘fortnight’ :) I love that word haha

TheOnlyException's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille ah! now thats what I’ve been doing wrong, forgot to include the ‘punk’! hehe ;) doh, silly me!

TheOnlyException's avatar

@Cruiser When you put it like that it seems entirely plausible. In which case I have to think of a way to get him to admit to this, without embarrassing him or myself. If there ever was a mission so impossible.. :) Thank you for your insight

@TheOnlyNeffie to be honest, between us it was always him initiating the flirting and teasing and funny little jokes, I just.. existed 0_o I guess lol and went with whatever came my way.
If anything I was mildly afraid that he thought I was being distant from him! But I have since made it clear that is not the case with all my enthusiastic asking if everything is alright.
Thanks for your answer :)

@Neizvestnaya theres a possibility. Thing is, I would have known, we were that close. Or I at least would have noticed something?

@le_inferno woah. I hope not! But certainly an idea, I am going to give that one a lot of thought, thank you!

@perspicacious damn straight.. who knows?

@Jeremycw1 Haha, that made me laugh :)
And it’s odd because about a fortnight ago, someone told me that in a fortnight from then, someone would appreciate my use of the word fortnight on a site which I use more often than once a fortnight..
fortnightfortnight :)

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