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Drcpb's avatar

What should I do about this personal vendetta?

Asked by Drcpb (149points) June 13th, 2010

So, my girlfriend’s father and I have had a grudge with each other since I started dating his daughter, which was 3 years ago. She and I are both in college now, but he does anything he can to try to get us to break up.

He’s photoshopped pictures of me in with other girls and guys, doing dirty things. His most recent thing is threatening to keep my girlfriend’s younger siblings from seeing her if we don’t break up.
I can’t say that I’m lily white as far as getting back at him goes. I’ve called and left some pretty rude messages to him. Calling seems to not work very well, and I want to move to something that will have a reasonable effect.

He refuses to sit down and talk with me about it, so I guess that’s not an option. If it’s at all possible and legal, I want to fight him.

That’s the thing, though. It has to be legal. If I even get a ticket, I’ll lose my $11,000 scholarship. I come from a poor family, and losing my scholarship isn’t an option.

If it matters at all, he’s got his wife, his ex wife (my girlfriend’s mom) the new wife’s kids, and two of my girlfriend’s siblings in on the Amway pyramid scam. He is at the top of his group, and he’s not informed them that it’s a pyramid scam. I guess that’s irrelevant, but if it can help me bring him down, let me know. Like I said, I really just want to kick his as*.

I’m 18, and he’s 36, if that matters…

Thanks, guys!

Also, I apologize in advance if there are any spelling errors.

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24 Answers

KhiaKarma's avatar

What does your girlfiend want to do about it? Does she want you two to fight too? Now that you are both in college it’s time to put away childish things….even if the other party wants to provoke….

Drcpb's avatar

She dislikes her father as well. She doesn’t want he and I to fight (physically, verbally. psychologically, etc.) But she wants the whole issue to be resolved, as she loves her siblings, and he’s not going to let her see them unless she and I break up. That won’t happen, but I want her to be able to see her siblings.

john65pennington's avatar

He is protecting his daughter, no matter what her age or where she is located. you cannot win this war. she is an adult. where does she stand in this situation? you apparently have a seedy past and her father, again, is protecting his daughter. assault is out of the question. again, you will lose in court. blood is thicker than water and the court will stand behind her father. best advice is to leave her father alone. he will make your life and your education a living hell and rightly so.

KhiaKarma's avatar

Another question: What about your g/f’s mom? Doesn’t she have a say regarding the sibings and who they can and can’t see? What are her thoughts on the matter?

Drcpb's avatar

Her mother was in the process of shock treatment therapy when they became divorced, and her father convinced her to sign divorce papers when she was highly disoriented, without her lawyer present. Her dad is just a prick, My girlfriend is behind me every step of the way, as she doesn’t like her dad, either.

Drcpb's avatar

To be clearer, he made the divorce papers out so that he has full custody of the 3 younger children.

KhiaKarma's avatar

I agree with @john65pennington that you should just leave her father alone. Your g/f has some decisions to make, but you getting involved further will only make it worse. Sucks, but this needs to just play out and you have a choice on if you are going to “be the bigger man” by not reacting emotionally but responding rationally. You cannot control how he reacts- but how you respond can affect your future (with the possibility of losing the scholarship). Your place may be just to be emotional support for your g/f as she goes through this family situation.

marinelife's avatar

You need to get out of revenge mode thinking. His daughter needs to set boundaries with her father.

You need to stay away from him and not communicate with him at all. Presumably, you are away at college.

She needs to be the one to say, “Dad, this has to stop. Leave (Your Name) alone. You are not going to change my mind about dating him so let’s just stop all the BS.”

You interfering is going to make matters worse.

dpworkin's avatar

I think you will be happier, and you may have a better outcome, if you are well-behaved. Let him be ill-behaved. Everyone will see it. If you engage him, however, you will be tainted by the scuffle.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I agree with the other, the best thing you can do is try to ignore it. If your girlfriend is on your side (meaning she doesn’t believe the things he says and does), I don’t see a reason to let it get to you. How old are her siblings? I can understand you wanting her to be able to see her siblings, but starting more with her father could actually make that worse. If you start something more with her father and she is on your side. Her father can use that against her with her siblings (like look how much your sister cares about us, she’s letting him do this).

In time, her siblings will be 18 and her father won’t be able to interfere with her relationship with them anymore. Just be the bigger man and wait it out. If your girlfriend doesn’t want to wait it out, she needs to be the one to talk to her dad, not you.

Silhouette's avatar

If you really want to kick him in the nads, metaphorically speaking of course, you should ignore him and all of his childish stunts. Stop trying to get even. You have to decided which is more important, your dignity or this tug of war game. Let go of the rope. The girl is with you in the face of all this drama, you’ve already won the prize.

Scooby's avatar

What silhouette said, plus grow up!! :-/

Jeruba's avatar

If I were you I would want to behave as differently from the old man as possible instead of showing the girlfriend that she’s mixed up with two of a kind.

primigravida's avatar

@Scooby It sounds like the op IS the grown up one in this situation…

I cant believe this guy is acting like this. But think about it. He’s 36. He has an 18 year old. That means he was 18 when she was born… probably not a planned child, you know what I mean? Maybe deep down he is just afraid of the same thing happening to her, and he’s trying to protect her, albeit in a very misguided way. Still, there’s nothing YOU can do really. He has his opinions, and he will continue to have them. Just try to live your life as maturely as possible and hopefully one day he will recognize this. If not, he’s the one whp is alienating his family and will end up alone. It’s not your place to try to get in the middle of their drama, no matter how much you love your girlfriend.

YARNLADY's avatar

There is absolutely nothing you can do to change him, or to get back at him. Any adverse action on your part is wrong. Just love her, treat her as best as you can. If he continues to give you that kind of grief, DO NOTHING. He is wrong, and your love for her will WIN in the end.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

One of my favorite quotes is, “Never have a battle of wits with an idiot. In order to do so, you must stoop to their level. If it’s unfamiliar territory, you will never win.”

The one who shows maturity first in this, wins.

Drcpb's avatar

To all that talk about showing maturity, I understand what you guys mean. I really have been mature with him, but he goes back to “Well, I’ll do whatever I have to do to make my daughter break up with you, because I’m right.” He simply WON’T sit down and talk about it with me.

betterdays's avatar

My son just broke his engagement (he’s 24) with his girlfriend from college because of her crazy mother, so I totally feel for your situation. He never fought with her mom and just kept putting up with her insane control-freak attitude that she has with her daughter. I was very impressed that he controlled his temper in every situation that she put him through and acted as an adult instead of stooping to the mother’s level and behaving like a two year old. He finally decided that he could not change the mother or her behavior and decided to walk away from the relationship after being together for five years. His final deciding factor was that he just could not imagine having her as the grandmother of his children someday. Look deep down into your heart and try to picture your future with your girlfriend’s entire family and decide if you want to contend with all of the non-stop drama for the rest of your life. Best wishes and good luck to you!

YARNLADY's avatar

If this person has the power to break up your relationship, it will not survive the assault. There are many outside sources that will work against any relationship and only the strongest will survive.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Have you thought about taking a break from the relationship for a bit? It sounds like your girlfriend is not aware that there is a choice present in this relationship, and she’s the one that has to make it, not you, and not her father. She needs some time and space to decide how ready she is to make her own choices, and to have the courage of her convictions. That may require some reflective time on her own.

beccalynnx's avatar

I’ve seen something of a similar sort happen in a close friend’s relationship. You should definitely grow a pair and be the bigger man. He still hasn’t grown up. he had a kid at 18, and thought he was matured, but obviously wasn’t, you see? He is acting incredibly childish, and now is your chance to be the stronger one. Quit the revenge thinking, and focus on the real problem at hand. His childish talks you can ignore. If the deal is that she can’t see her sibling while you two are together, then why not lie and say you’ve broken up? obviously he’s going to work in malicious manipulative ways, and you can too – just in a much more matured and poised way.
This will blow over, trust me. eventually he will have no control over the situation, and you two will live your happily ever afters. Sucks for him that he won’t be able to enjoy his daughter’s life and happines.

KSix's avatar

Alert your Department of State or State’s Attorney General of the existence of the pyramid scheme if you actually have proof of your claim. Loss of cash or freedom is a heck of a lot worse than the loss of a tooth or consciouness!

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