Do you think having your child write a hand-written thank you note is a good lesson or totally unnecessary?

I believe it can help children to learn gratitude for what they receive. Helping them to write a note either via email or handwritten to the giver as soon as possible after they get the present is probably the easiest way.

It’s an excellent idea and teaches them good manners:)

I too, think it’s a lovely idea; unfortunately, I never did it. (And the kids grew up just fine anyway.)

Good manners is never unnecessary. Teach them to write hand written thank you notes.

My parents always made me do this. :) I liked it, personally. I think it’s nice and I completely agree with @lucillelucillelucille and @aprilsimnel.

I think it is a great idea, and I’ve just started teaching my daughter to do this as well. She loved doing it for her teachers her last day of school. She was very proud when she gave her teacher the thank you card she had written.

Absolute necessity! If someone went through the trouble to get them a gift they will reciprocate with a thank you note!

I like the idea. However, I don’t think it is necessary for birthday presents if the gift is given in person. A thank you at the time is sufficient in my opinion.

Having been on the receiving end: One of the families I work with gave me a handwritten thank you note and it made my day. I keep it on my desk as encouragement in an often very challenging job.

I know you are kinda talking about gifts and such, but it translates into teaching your kids about showing appreciation in general. .

I taught my kids to write thank-you notes. When they had birthday parties a verbal “thank-you” was enough. But when they received a gift through the mail, they mailed a thank-you note. They also wrote thank-you notes for unexpected good deeds. Manners are never out of style.

My parents made me do it and it made me resent people who give me gifts, because regardless of if their gift is any good, I still have to write a thank you note, which often takes 30 minutes per note. I especially hate it when the chances are high it will be an ugly sweater I will have to wear in front of them and continue to keep even though my closet could use the space for something else. I’ve also never understood why saying “thank you” at the time isn’t enough – especially since I always do it (if I forgot, I would then send a thank-you note card).

@Minute_And_A_Huff “Thank you for the beautiful sweater, I will get a lot of use out of it this winter in Tahoe.” Took 2 seconds.

@Minute_And_A_Huff I’m surprised anyone even gives you gifts

@chyna Not the way I was taught. I was taught to compose a 3–5 paragraph note describing all the different uses I would get out of it, how much I loved it, why I loved it, and then if I didn’t have enough material, tell them about my life (school, work, friends, relationships, etc). It had to be done in cursive, and without any spelling mistakes (I have a learning disability and rely on spell-check a lot).

Yes, and I am so glad to see so many in agreement with this practice. I have read too much about how manners are supposedly old fashioned and no longer practiced.

I think this is awesome! So many people these days do not know proper etiquette when it comes to thank you’s and the like, so this is a good thing to teach at a young age! Good for them!

I hate to admit this, but… I think it’s kind of outdated to do the whole ‘hand-written-formal-thank-you-note’ thing. Especially for friends on equal footing exchanging gifts. I did make my children write them for their grandparents (and any others who truly would be offended by the absence of a thank you note) when they were younger. At this point, I mostly just make sure they email or call to thank for a present received through the mail. If a ‘thank you’ is delivered in person, I don’t see the need for anything else. I know, I’m a terrible parent. :(

@augustlan I basically said the same. I think a formal note is when a gift is given formally. Weddings, babies being born, things like that. Gifts through the mail by older relatives can go either way for me. I think most grandmas would actually prefer to hear their grandchildrens voices. What is most important to me is they acknowledge the gift and say thank you somehow.

@JLeslie True, but I used to send a self-addressed stamped post card with gifts to my grandsons, asking them to tell me what they bought with the money I sent.

@YARNLADY I just want to know they received the gift, so I don’t have to worry it might be lost in the mail, and a little appreciation is nice. Not so much that I need the appreciation, but that I don’t want them to take the gifts for granted (which they do, my nephew twice took months to cash checks I sent). I never spent any of my birthday or Chanukah money when I was younger. I seriously can’t think of one time I spent it. It always went into my savings account. One time, my grandma’s boyfriend wanted me to pick out a piece of jewelry I liked for my graduation and he would pay for it. That is the only time I can remember sort of spending gift money. So, I guess I am not so concerned with what they buy with the money.

@perspicacious That’s a little uncalled for, don’t you think? I mean, you may not agree with it but at least I gave an honest answer.

I have two nephews that still send a hand-written thank-you note for a gift whether we are together when they receive it or not. It isn’t expected, but boy, do I enjoy reading them.

@Minute_And_A_Huff I think any kid who had to write thank you notes like that would learn to resent it! I sure would have, if my parents had made me write thank you notes.

Other than my grandma, my family is not big on thank you notes. My brother and I were never taught to write them, and I’m almost certain the first time I sent thank you cards was after my wedding shower. My husband’s family takes thank you notes pretty seriously. So, I send thank you notes to my grandma and to my husband’s relatives. I also help my kids write thank you notes to their friends after a birthday party.

When my kids are old enough to write their own names, they sign the cards after I write them. When they’re able to write the note themselves, I have them do it. For a younger child, I think a short note of only a few sentences is absolutely fine. If my 6 year old has 12 thank you notes to write after his birthday, I don’t rush him to do them all at once so they can go out the next day. He’ll do two or three at a time, and then I mail them when he’s done. I just explain to the kids that a thank you note is a very nice way to show you appreciate the time and effort someone spent to choose a gift.

Last week, my sister-in-law took my daughter out to lunch and shopping. She bought her a few pairs of shorts and a bathing suit. My daughter isn’t really fond of shopping in the first place, and my sister-in-law’s shopping methods didn’t make the experience any better. I love her so much, but even I don’t like to go shopping with her! My daughter put her game face on and held her irritation in check, but when I asked her to write her aunt a note saying thank you, she balked. I had to explain that even though she might not have really liked the place they ate lunch or appreciated the “go to every store, try on every item of clothing, come out and let me see it on you even if you can’t zip it up” method of shopping, it was still wonderful to have an aunt who spends time and money on her. I reminded her that most of the time her aunt takes her to museums or other fun places, and she is one of those people who is a stickler for thank you notes. So, my daughter grudgingly wrote out a nice note and we popped it into the mail. Meanwhile, I promised we could make up an excuse if she is ever invited to go shopping for clothes again with her aunt. :)

@MissAusten That is a GA, a wonderful story and several perfect examples of using The Platinum Rule. Thank you for sharing!

I think some of it might have to do with how big your family is. If there are just a few special people who pay a lot of loving attention to you and do special things, then I think we are more likely to feel motivated to send a thank you note. When you constantly have many relatives around, and things are done in larger groups, probably not so much. What do you think?